Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

I find the whole pregnancy worry with girls really grim. It goes both ways op. Sorry you’ve had such horrible. I’ve got one of each and personally I’m not fussed that girls are finally being seen as positive in the early years (trust me, it’s only the early years).

Is it true that boys start to get seen more favourably as they get older then? I've heard this before but yet to see it. Maybe mine are still too young. The only thing I've started to notice is the huge difference in friendship issues between boys and girls at my sons age (8).

It’s only my personal experience @Asherrain - I have a teen and a nearly 12 year old. When they were small, them and their small male friends were on the go all the time and sorted out disputes normally with a push or a bonk on the head with a stick. Mums of boys (me very much included) had to be very hands on and tame the feral out of them. I occasionally looked on in envy at small girls sitting still and colouring or doing crafts.
Now though, it feels like the hormones hit girls harder. All the mums of boys I know say they’re still basically fine, as long as they get decent fresh air, sleep and aren’t on computers too much, they’re not really having any issues with friends, they’re fairly uncomplicated and pleasant to have around. Keep in mind that I move in a middle class affluent area with plenty of clubs, societies and safe places for teens to gather.
The mums of girls I know are fighting more against the “moody” girls, very much pushing against mums especially, much more sneaky behaviour and keeping everything from their parents. Nothing terrible, just much more of a pulling away from parents.

Again though, plenty of girls are close to their families as grown ups so I think this is just a natural phase.

I’m a mum of two boys and I love having boys but had I been a mum of two girls I would have loved them every bit as much. The thing I don’t like is when you get some silly thoughtless celebrity going on about how much they want their next child to be a girl (or boy) and they never seem to shut up about it. I always feel sorry for the ‘wrong’ baby born and the kids they already have of that sex.

Apologies if you have already said this, @Elbone - but the obvious answer is to teach boys not to pee on the seat/loo floor, and to mop up after themselves if they have an accident.

It’s what I did - because I got sick of having to check the loo seat before I sat down!

I was trying to be polite and jovial. Obviously that is too subtle for you.
**
So here it is plainly:
**
I don’t want to make my boys pee sitting down. I don’t want to raise boys who pee sitting down.
**
Ok?

a little bit of toxic masculinity in action there! You got the sexual ick from a boyfriend standing up to pee so now you think a toddler sitting down is somehow effeminate or ‘not manly.’ Sigh

Where did I use the word “effeminate”?

DS and DIL have experienced several losses and struggled with infertility. They reached a milestone on last week (12 weeks) that they'd never got to before. They're still nervous and haven't yet gone public. They will just be delighted to welcome a child into their family. They intend to find out the sex but don't have a preference.
DIL has been shocked in the last few years that friends have been devastated by learning they're pregnant with boys or the way they've reacted to girls. She struggled with these friendships because it felt so ungrateful.
I have 3DC. The preference thirty years ago was for a boy first, then to have one of each. Now it seems that 2 daughters are the ideal. I've loved being the DM of sons. I'm proud of who they are as men and the way they treat their partners as equals. I think I've raised good men and hopefully great partners and fathers.
incidentally, I do have a DD who I adore. She is a beautiful, intelligent and strong woman. She is independent and will probably move abroad in the future due to her chosen career. DS who is about to become a father bought a house five minutes drive from both us and his in laws. Both sons have professions that could take them anywhere in the world and like to travel but I doubt either will ever leave our home town. As the DM of adult sons and a daughter, the reasons given for the preference seem spurious and do not reflect my experience.

Omg this is crazy isn’t it. Bloody hell. Why can’t men sit down to pee?

As usual with such threads, a lot of disgusting comments about girls and finding excuses for every behavior of boys.

School favours girls. But are they also 'easier' when they are little. Or maybe as someone already noticed, the standard of behaviour for girls are completely different than for boys. Girls would also like to do something other than sit in school. But since the day they were born, they are taught to do what they are told.
And then the teenage period comes, and girls left to their own devices cannot cope with the situation. What a surprise.

A perosn X, a mother of my school friend, not super close, but a friend, told my mom and me that she envied our relationship. First of all, my mum started to work on our relationship the day she found out she is pregnant, not when I started being a teenager.
My mom gritted her teeth and watched what I showed her, listened to the music I was playing to her and didn't expect me to be a saint. That's why I could tell her things and she could take care of my safety.
This person's daughter was invisible half of her life, because she was a girl. When she was fifteen, things really started happening. The 'bad company' was more interested in her than her parents.
In general women are 3 times more likely than men to have PTSD. For many the initial trauma takes place in adolescence.

But hearing about trouble-free teenage boys makes me laugh. Teenagers are complicated. Both sexes.

Of course I know wonderful boys - teenage boys too. But their parents are not the ones who talk about bitchy girls and insist that a boy will die from sitting during the lesson, or that peeing seated is a risk of castration.

Or maybe as someone already noticed, the standard of behaviour for girls are completely different than for boys.

I think this fact has been pretty much established.

I have both. I can absolutely vouch for the different standards and expectations. I've lost count of the times I've been praised for my lovely sons, how lucky I am that they never been in trouble and have got good jobs and nice partners. My DD has also never been in trouble and has a good job and a nice partner. No one has said a word! Similarly I'm 'lucky' that my sons visit me regularly, and my cup should runneth over that one goes on nights out and city breaks with me. My DD does that? 'Oh, that's nice.'

When I had my second son my friends mother (after asking what we had had) said oh dear never mind. Unbelievable after having a perfect baby boy.

I think children are seen as commodities or accessories and the marketing is often aimed at little girls. The idea of girly outfits and so on is far more enticing than a t shirt with a truck on. I get so frustrated that there are always 5-6 aisles of girls’ clothes and half a rack of boys’.

When I had two boys I was told to “have a girl next” as though I could wave a magic wand. Otherwise I haven’t had much negativity.

Boy mum boy mumming. Happens to girls too

I would have hated not to have had a daughter. I had a DD first, so was happy with whatever came next, which was DS.

I have a boy and a girl. Both completely different personalities but both are extremely loving and have their own characteristics. I was excited when I was told I was having a baby full stop. I had a condition which made it hard to conceive and carry a baby so feel extremely blessed that I had my first at 37 and second at 40. Regardless of whether they are boy or girl, they are my little miracles.
i really do not understand why people are negative to either sex. 😞

I have all girls.
Complete stranger ( Asian ) said “ oh never mind “ when I pointed out that actually all the girls were mine and no I didn’t have a boy 🤪

If you'd had all girls it would have been the same

Never ever experienced this. 2 ds 1dd. I think the opposite is true. I was always told that boys are easier,(true) the women in the bed next to me when I had ds1 , was reprimanded by her husband and her in-laws for having a daughter. I think if you have 2 of the same sex people wrongly assume you are hoping to have the opposite sex. More frightening are the boy mums on tiktoc treating their sons like little prince's, absolutely sickening. I am glad I have both but 3dd or 3ds would have been great too. My Dd was by far the most adventurous and lively. Both ds much more chill.

I have found my dd much harder to parent than my boys. Dd(12) and ds1(7) both have adhd and yet ds is definitely more subdued than dd, who is a total “tomboy”. Ds2(2) is a maniac and the typical “boy stereotype”. They’ve all been hard work lol but my boys have definitely been the more tactile of the three of them.

I had this, until ds2 came along. He’s completely crackers and I am assuming auditioning for jackass 4!

No never encountered this.

when we had D’s a couple of people asked if we wanted a dd next- but it’s just something to say.

i imagine if we’d had 2 boys and been going for a third it might have been a bit louder- but honestly it’s just people making conversation.

if you’d had 2 girls people would have asked if you were trying for a boy.

there’s no anti boy bias out there?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s so annoying! I think a lot of people have the notion in their head that “One of each” is the perfect family. I have an older brother so come from a “one of each family” and we were never close and don’t speak much as adults. I always thought having a matching pair would be lovely as I would have loved a sister. My husband is 1 of 4 boys and they’re really close too. I have PCOS and endometriosis so feel so so lucky that I have 2 health children (girls) without having to go down the IVF route. My MIL once said to my SIL “every time I have a granddaughter I’m disappointed it’s not a boy”. That hurt! I also remember being heavily pregnant with my second daughter in a car dealership with husband and eldest daughter and when a man asked what I was having and I told him it was another girl he reply, “ah.. will you try again?” I said, “try what again? Have I don’t something wrong? I haven’t even had this baby yet anyway!” 🙄 Strangely other people put their own gender preferences onto others regardless of how happy you are with the lovely children you’re lucky to have. Enjoy your boys and try not to let insensitive people bother you xx

Honestly, I think it’s very common for people to make those sorts of comments if you have more than two of one gender and none of the other.

Also if you only have one child of one gender, then the rest of your children are the opposite gender, you get people saying “oh poor them having so many brothers/sisters”

Anecdotally, I’ve only personally experienced people in my circle being commiserated for having lots of girls. The first being my friend in school, she was one of 4 children, 3 girls and 1 boy, with the youngest being a boy who was always told “poor you having 3 big sisters”.
Then in work someone was constantly commiserated for having 4 daughters, and no sons “oh your poor husband”etc.