Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

@SpidersAreShitheads so you want me to shut up ? Is that it ? I’m responding to a “draw that broke the camels back” situation. I’ve heard so many comments on rl re boys and the one recently made me just think I’ve had enough tbh .
The whole point of mumsnet is to voice things that our minor concerns . You are really dismissive tbh

As a mother of only boys, It's really uplifting to see a post from an OP where boys are thought highly of.

I have seen numerous threads of gender disappointment and its always aimed at boys, I say be grateful for such a wonderful gift of life.

Like you, I remember after having my second boy, someone said to me, oh well better look next time. I found that comment so hurtful, my boy made our life complete and is just perfect.

People have continued to comment about trying for another in the hopes I get a girl, if I had tried for another, I would have just hoped for a healthy baby.

I too have not heard anyone with only girls have the same battles about having boys.

In case no one has ever said it to you OP congratulations on having what sounds like 3 wonderful boys 💙💙💙

I have 4 boys and 1 girl . People used hi say when they were young awww you kept going until you had a girl !!!! No my daughter is the second eldest and I love them all equally . Both sexes can be a handful in different ways . You worry about different issues with different children let alone the sex of that child . My middle 3 are the easiest the eldest and youngest more of a challenge …. Is it because they are boys maybe or maybe they would both of been a handful as girls too !!

This

I’ve noticed that some women who have boys become ‘boy mums’ and some women become ‘girl mums.’ (As you have described)

From some of your sexist statements about teen girls and how active boys can be it sounds like you are a ‘boy mum’ ready to become offended by anyone who doesn’t share your pov. Luckily most people just become parents.

Unfortunately, some of the parents with boys I’ve met at tots groups barely acknowledge anyone without a boy. I’ve also found that boys often aren’t held to the same standards of behaviour as they expected to be running around knocking other kids over as they are ‘just so active.’

I think it does depend on how the mum is as to which she finds easier though.
In reality, whilst maybe 10/20/30% will deviate hugely from stereotypes, stereotypes are still noticed for a reason. On the whole boys will be more physical with play (not necessarily rough, but i mean construction, active etc) and slightly less complex socially, whereas on average girls do more imaginative play, more complex socialising from an ealier age.
It shows even with autism for example, due to differences in sex girls and boys generally present in completely different ways. So whilst it's not always the case for individuals there are undeniable differences when you look at a population level.

There's lots of cross over in interests and behaviours, and some may completely prefer the other stereotypes, but it doesn't change that in general terms there are still differences between the sexes, so some parents may find boys or girls easier based on those if theirs follow the common pattern of behaviours and interests.

I have two girls so haven't shared your experience, but I can believe it. People can be fucking eejits.

My argument was that my son has been unfairly poorly treated by various women throughout his life, (I included an example where he was punched in the throat by a little girl, who was then called feisty by her mother)., and as a result he does now understandably feel defensive when he is exposed to it by women who not only clearly discriminating against him, but also are in a position of power over him,

for what it’s worth, I’d like to point out He also has excellent relationships with other women who don’t do this. He doesn’t hate all women, he dislikes those who treat him poorly which is not only understandable, it’s inevitable.

from your argument, it appears that you think only women are entitled to dislike being treated like this. Girls get the prize, boys have to shut up.

And furthermore, you are essentially calling me out for being a traitor to my sex who is being brainwashed by toxic masculinity.

This is exactly my point. bigoted statements like this do nothing to further the cause of feminism, if you argue that boys should not be treated equally you simply sew division

There are hundreds of millions of women missing from the world because of sex-selective abortion. Now that's what I call negativity.

Well I have two boys. And they are very physical despite being very young. They just play differently to girls of the same age (nursery confirm the same). I’m not at all into any of those things (like the ones you say you are) so I do feel left out a lot and would love a child to share some of my hobbies and likes as my husband gets with the boys. Maybe a girl wouldn’t be that child, but I feel it would be more likely. I am missing something by never having a daughter relationship. It’s not that I dislike my boys, or that they are less, it’s that I’d like to experience both. As a woman there is something inherently different about female:female relationships that no matter how close you are to your children can’t be replicated. I’m sure men say the same about only having daughters. Yes there are pros and cons to the different sexes (if we’re being generic) but most people would like to experience both. I think that’s natural

And so many conscripted boys lost on the front lines. This world is pain and suffering for many but it doesn’t mean that only girls and women have been crushed

Not goady 😂

By that logic surely it would be safer to want a boy? Unless you're happy for your little girl to go out into the world and be attacked by everyone's feral aggressive sons?!
Or are you suggesting that people don't want boys in case they are then attacked by them...?

This is so strange to me, when I was pregnant I wanted a boy although I didn’t say it out loud as I didn’t want anyone to think I would be disappointed with a girl as of course I would be happy with either. However I’ve never really heard any negative comments about boys. If I have another one I’m also hoping for another boy to be honest.

I have 2 girls and can safely say they can be arseholes just the same as boys. On occasion, quite frankly, they’re feral.
Joking aside, my sisters both have one of each. One of my nephews is harder work than his sister and the other is a delight compared to his. They’re little people with their own personalities. Their gender is something I don’t even really think about. I have had the odd ‘will you try for a boy?’ comment. Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I bite and say I can’t have anymore. They tend to squirm and I leave out the bit that it’s by choice through sterilisation because that too, is none of their business. A lot of people just feel the need to comment on anything and everything. This is a big reason I’m not keen on small talk.

I have a DD and a DS some people with just girls thinks all boys are predatory perverts. I find this so ridiculous and offensive.

I've got a boy and a girl and they are both pains in the neck in different ways 🤣🤣 (I do love them really and they're great kids (well DS is now an adult).

Like you, I think children are individuals and the sort of stuff people come out with is nonsense.

I say this about my daughter all the time…

There is a lot of truth in this but let’s not forget that the education system was set up by men for men at a time when women were not sent to be educated or received a two tier education at best.

Stupid comment - ignore it. I have one child and have had awful comments about the relief of having 2 children. I really wanted a boy and if I had had more would have loved more boys. Honestly, it’s not worth thinking about

from your argument, it appears that you think only women are entitled to dislike being treated like this. Girls get the prize, boys have to shut up

as a result he does now understandably feel defensive when he is exposed to it by women who not only clearly discriminating against him, but also are in a position of power over him

what prize is that @Donotneedit ?

• 1 in 10 per year being attacked by men?
• Earning less than 70% of a man’s wage?

I assure you men are not shutting up. They’re just getting bent out of joint when women exert authority. Women that do actually have authority over them like teachers….

its because children are told to be successful they must sit in a classroom for hours and ‘behave’ when actually small kids want to run around, explore and discover the world…and I say this as a teacher!

It’s called confirmation bias op. You’re obviously very sensitive to this so you’re hearing it everywhere. In actual fact you’re the one that’s ben derogatory about girls in your post!\

This.

As for the forums being full of posts of people wishing for a girl So what? Why does it bother you what other people prefer? You stated you are happy with your three boys so why are you even reading these threads and getting worked up over this.

I wanted girls. My sibling wanted boys. Who cares.

Men get it about sons, it's just not on MN as much as blokes tend to chat with their mates about stuff like that so you probably don't hear it.

Personally I don't get it either, I adore DS and have never wanted for another child just to have a girl; but I don't want to diminish the feelings of people who clearly struggle with it.

By that logic surely it would be safer to want a boy? Unless you're happy for your little girl to go out into the world and be attacked by everyone's feral aggressive sons?!

@Asherrainmaybe I’m different to you but I wouldn’t want my son behaving like that just because it makes it safer for him.

I have 3 girls (two are teens) and it's true that they can be hard work, mentally and emotionally.
But honestly, what they have to put up with from boys and men. It's depressing out there. We haven't come nearly as far as we should.

I have recently had a girl after 3 boys and someone actually said to me “ah, you got there in the end!” As though my boys were somehow practice runs. Makes me so sad.