Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it.

What on earth do you mean by this OP?

I have 3 boys too. Never get much negativity really. Comments about having my hands full or similar, but that's just true. It's mostly just innocuous chit chat, don't read so much into it.

So many people say "oh no when they're teenagers it'll be awful!" with girls.

Despite statistics showing boys die, end up in prison, addicted to drugs, drop out of education and training, punch their mum's a LOT more than girls do.

But then many boys are cute delights who cares about their families and friends and are awesome people.

Folk are sexist arseholes you just have to let it wash over u.

Also your ‘evidence’ boils down to one person assuming jf you already had two boys you might like a girl (not crazy) and one woman making a jokey comment about her boy being challenging.

You then state that mums of teenage girls are always the most stressed (insinuating some kind of issue) and that you were bullied by a girl. Which is irrelevant.

@ReadWithScepticism why? I wanted three children , I didn’t and don’t care about sex . I’ve literally never thought or commented about parents with 3 girls . It’s way more acceptable to make comments re.boys. Look at “gender disappointment “ on mumsnet everyone. Look at the majority of threads.

@Sugarlily nope I’ve have loads of comments re having boys.

Also @Sugarlily she said “I’ve aged ten years with my son , I don’t know how you do it with three of them “. It’s offensive

@Notgreatisit well other people don’t seem to have here so maybe it’s an issue with your kids? You said they were very very physical and maybe they were hormonal? Maybe others just saw it as bad parenting? Idk 🤷‍♂️

Yanbu to note the negativity towards boys. I wonder if a male gender disappointment thread would be the other way round ?

I have a mix of both but I also see people assuming that a family with just boys/girls will want to try until they have both sexes which is also rude.

I'm another with three boys 👋

Yes, I had the same when expecting ds3...actual commiserations, 'ahh no, what a shame' type comments when hearing number 3 was a boy. And people, of course, assuming that you only had a third child at all in the hope you'd get a girl.

For me, I had no preference at all with dc1. But I've always thought it would be nice to have dc of all the same sex so as soon as we had ds1 my strong preference was for more boys. You can't say that you actually wanted boys though because you get sympathetic faces and 'sure you did' expressions 😂

I think you're very sensitive to comments and need to just ignore it.

It's all sexist bullshit. And people - male and female - are idiots.

There does seem to be more negativity towards boys (I'm white British so appreciate this is different in other cultures) and I agree that a lot of gender disappointment threads are because the poster wanted a girl and is having a boy.

I have a boy (my only child, now 10) and he's awesome - we have a lovely bond, enjoy doing so much together and he is so funny. We didn't mind what we had when I was pregnant but I couldn't imagine not having my wonderful son now.

I also teach and have taught many wonderful boys (and girls for that matter!).

If you choose to see it as offensive, that's up to you. You could choose to see it as a positive comment on how well you are raising your children. I wonder why you choose to be offended when you could choose to be flattered. 🤷‍♀️

It’s because you’re a woman and people assume women want girls and men want boys. All the dad’s I know with all girls get the ‘poor you’ comments.

As a mum of girls I get
' Girls are more highly strung'
'Good luck with teenage girls'
'Girls are too complex, I'm glad I had boys'

Etc etc, I wouldn't think anything more of it, people are just weird and say weird things.

I have one of each and my DS is a lot more challenging than my DD by a fair mile. At the moment anyway.

When I say “but they’re different children so I mustn’t expect the same” I’m always told boys are much more difficult and that I should have known that.

That’s awful! I think you have been unlucky though. I know people who are very pro boy tbh and one couple are trying desperately for a boy after two girls.

My boy is incredibly hard work though so it may also be you’re lucky with your boys 😂

Completely agree with this.

Have a look at “gender disappointment” on here , I rest my case.

I have two girls and got a few people saying it was a shame DD2 wasn’t a boy. Also a few people saying teenage girls are more difficult than boys, that seems to be quite a common opinion.

Sometimes people say things because they’re trying to think of something to talk about.

@ViscountDreams I have this exact experience with my boys

There is no case to rest some ppl have had comments and others haven't. Let it go over your head, you're happy with the children you have.

@DancingintheSpoonlight yes , I can well imagine

I actually think the problem is much bigger and more sinister than this. There's a real and ongoing crisis of masculinity, whereby in the effort to combat so-called "toxic masculinity", male-ness in general has been demonised. And yes, we see it from as early on as this common "gender disappintment" when people are expecting boys. I don't really want to go into more detail than this because I don't want to derail the thread, and it's a massive topic that would take essays to discuss properly. I'll just say that I agree with you, and sadly this attitude is merely symptomatic of the broader anti-boy culture.

My parents wanted boys so me and my sister were always a disappointment to them.

One of the reasons my dad verbally abused us.

I often think my life would have been much better if I'd been a boy.