Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

I agree with that. Me and my daughter have a great relationship now she’s an adult but we’ve never done “girly” stuff together . My relationship with her is no different to my relationship with my also adult son. She’s definitely not a mini me either, we couldn’t look more different. All of my kids are carbon copies of their dad. I stand out like a sore thumb 😂

I thought I wanted girls. I have 1 of each and my boy just melts my heart. I didn't know what I was missing! People say stupid stuff but really they're the ones missing out if they think boys can't be wonderful

Every arsehole has an opinion on everything pregnancy and kids related. People are twats.

on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years
yes we are worrying about our girls safety around entitled males.

I had a girl and never heard anything like this.

Do boys really have a higher rate of autism and ADHD though, or is it just that we have been poor at recognising and diagnosing this in girls?

Again, is it really true about males and MH or is it just that female are typically more likely to talk about it and seek help?

Boys do not have higher rates of autism and adhd. Girls are better at masking and also the criteria to get diagnosed for adhd is very, very much the more standard male symptoms. Females get prescribed antidepressants.

The negative comments about girls being hard work/manipulative/bitchy are usually expressed alongside comments around boys being simpler creatures somehow, which is fairly offensive to both boys and girls!
None of these comments are things I've heard on social media but from people in real life: friends, fellow parents, colleagues (I work in an infant school). It's a real bugbear and I hear these views expressed frequently.

@Notgreatisit I'm also the mother of three sons and I completely agree with everything you've said. Mine are in their twenties now and they are fabulous young people. I hate the negativity towards boys. You are right about the gender disappointment threads on MN too.

@ViscountDreams I've had the same, most memorably an acquaintance coming up to me after DS3 arrived and saying 'never mind, you can have a girl next time'. And I was still getting people asking if I'd be 'going again for a girl' when DS3 was a young teenager.

I have 2 sons, adult now. I can't remember anyone being negative about them.

I was particularly pleased to have boys because my poor DSD was very insecure. Her bloody mother kept telling her that once the new babies arrived her DF wouldn't want to know.

My DSD was daddy's princess and I was so glad she kept her crown. I'm lucky to be very close to my DSD - she's married with kids now.

All three of my DH's DC are close. It's lovely.

Thanks for your message. I think you’re right that neurodiversity is under diagnosed in girls as they present differently, but currently the thinking is still that it is less common overall in females.

MH condition wise - eating disorders are more common in girls ( I work in mental health). But it is also true that in boys / men who do present with self- harming behaviours can be riskier in terms of what is actually done.

I think you hear more negative comments if you have more than 2 boys. Mine are teens now and I can't remember the last time someone said anything negative about boys to me but when they were all under 8 it was pretty regular. Very rude when actually said in front of my boys.

They were rhetorical questions.

Quite often it's sad as the poster has never experienced the joy of a son and has preconceived ideas on what boys are like and not how wonderful they can be. I love being a mum to sons as am sure I would love being a mum to daughters.

I agree completely I’ve got three boys and five grandsons. I could write a book.

You know what @Mirabai I’m a woman
and so female and no, I’m not unconfident, it’s actually interesting the amount of times other women have said this on this thread. Actually, I’ve a good job in an area of outreach , I am not insecure and unconfident, I’m remarking on the many shitty comments I’ve had re having males., I’m from a big family of boys and girls (I am
not British) and my experiences has been dismissed by so many women on this. I know what other women have said to me about having sons. I know the vast majority of “gender disappointment” on mumsnet is about women having sons.

Thank you for this thread. The amount of sexism directed at my son throughout his childhood from middle class white women has taken my breath away. Women mocking boys bodies in front of him, women, making negative comments about men in front of him, women calling their daughters feisty when they have punched him in the throat . Him being called a bully when he got angry in response to being hit by little girls. Him being called soft for getting upset.
I am one of a large brood of girls and have been subjected to plenty of violence from men, but I’ve also seen a lot of absolutely grotesque and extremely abusive behaviour from various women throughout my life and it always seems to be minimised and dismissed by other women

I know my boy has to grow up in a world where he is spoken about and talked to as if he is inherently bad, and the struggles he has with girls and women are minimised and dismissed, it is unsurprising that he feels increasingly defensive around the female teachers who pick on or are suspicious of the boys

he’s a smart kid, and we are able to talk about it, but the levels of bigotry towards men and boys does nothing to further feminism and I do wish people wouod think more seriously about the shit they spout

I have 3 girls and regularly receive negative comments, right in front of my children about how much hard work girls are etc.. and how we must have been trying for a boy to keep going. Honestly, whatever situation you are in people will make negative comments about it.

Take no notice.. paddle your own canoe & focus on your relationship with your children no matter the sex ... they are a gift

I know what you mean OP, I've experienced this. Try to take no notice. I have two boys and I absolutely adore being a boy mum! Tbh growing up I always wanted boys, although I would be delighted with any baby. I didn't have a great relationship with my mum growing up, it's slightly better now since I've had the kids. I sometimes think that might have been a contributing factor in me enjoying being a mum of boys. I read once that a theory of this preference to girls comes from pre pregnancy and finding it easier to imagine being a mum to a girl, in a kind of mini me way.
In between having our 1st and our 2nd son I lost 3 babies in a row due to recurrent miscarriage. One of them was a girl. I knew in my heart I'd never have a girl after that loss. I just wanted to hold my healthy baby, and I was one of the lucky ones that got to do that. I don't understand this preference to girls over boys. I think any baby and child is a wonderful blessing to have. I do love my cheeky boys though, they keep me young ☺️

I have one of each and when our second came along a lot of friends were having the second too.
My friend observed that everyone that wanted one of each got two the same and those that didn't care (me, her and one other) got one of each!
But my boy has a lot of stereotypical "girl" characteristics and vice versa. I think anyone who is bothered is a bit short sighted. My boy is boisterous (he has ADHD) but he's 12 and still cuddly and wants to be with one of us, and he loves dressing in bright colours when his school mates all wear black and grey.
My girl is into clothes and likes having her nails done and watches some makeover stuff on YouTube but she is also very sporty and loves science and wants to build things for a living and ride a motorbike.

I think anyone who thinks their child will be a certain way is very short sighted. They are all individual people.

I suspect this is because they are allowed to be. I have a very active girl who I've never expected to sit down and be quiet.

I hear the exact opposite. Lots of boys are so easy going, energetic but if you exercise them it’s fine, versus girls are a nightmare, from the tantrum toddler years through to the drama that comes with teenage girls.

Sorry OP but you can’t be sick of people having a preference for something! It’s just the way it is. I was born in the 80s, the third of three girls and my mum was often asked if she was disappointed I wasn’t a boy. Maybe things will shift back that way.

I have three boys. I wouldn’t trade my boys for any girl. I’ve never had any negative comments, in fact, I probably inwardly feel sorry for those who only have girls because it seems like such a ball ache 🤷‍♀️