Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

I've never had any negativity towards my son, and he's an only. No one has ever said, do you not want another, or specially do you want a girl or wish you had a girl etc. I cant imagine a doctor saying that either tbh, but if she did, then shes not very professional.

I only have boys and haven't noticed this re boy children OP. I'm talking about real life now, haven't really looked for it on MN.

People say things like...boys are easier, girls can be bitchy...stuff like that, to me anyway.

I have noticed MN is harder on men.
I understand why, but there does seem to be a very obvious double standard sometimes.

Totally agree with you.
I have two boys close in age, had a few 'you've got your hands full ' comments but nothing I'd really say was that negative. Have just had my 3rd child though, a daughter, and the amount of people thinking it's okay to say something along the lines of 'oh now your family's complete!' as if it somehow wasn't before, or wouldn't have been if she was a boy.
My neighbour said 'oh that's good as I know you wanted a girl'. No... I told her we'd found out and it was a girl. In reality I was very keen on having another boy and quite freaked out about the thought of having a girl!

I’ve heard it more the other way around- really weird sexist stereotypes about girls. I had multiple people tell me I’d have trouble with my baby because she was a girl! People are weird and rude!

Give me boys any time. We have 4 and they are easy, the 2 daughters not so much

Why is it seen as better? I never realised this.

I've not been party to many conversations around this but the line I've most often heard has been 'boys are just easier'.

I didn't think people gave it so much thought, apart from some women wanting to have daughters.

Yes but also have a look at all the people who have sons (me included) that haven’t experienced what you have. I also have a daughter and have had heard more negative comments about girls than anything else but even then I take it with a pinch of salt. You’re too sensitive.

Another mum of 3 boys and then I had a girl.
I always wanted 4, didn't care what sex.
I had some awful things said about having "gender disappointment" which I had zero of and plenty of people saying how happy I should be to get a girl. But I was just happy after losses to have my baby safely with me.
My DD is my last because of money/space/time but the amount of people who think its because I finally had a daughter. Not true at all, I'd have been just as happy with 4 sons.
I love her with all my heart as I do my sons and wouldn't change any of them. But I don't love her because of her sex, I love her because she's her.

I will say also I had people fall out with me because they wanted girls but have sons but they're over it now.

People are weird.

I think in the UK and many other western cultures, daughters tend to remain closer to their own families than their in laws once they marry and have DC. The old phrase a daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Many people really have this in the back of their mind.

You are right OP.

My in-laws are not interested in boys at all. Whenever someone in the family has a boy none of them are interested and even vocalise their disappointment if it’s their own baby. 😞But when a girl is born they are like clucking hens, knitting, fussing and demanding time with them.
When I had my DS they didn’t react apart from to say ‘that’s a shame for you’. There were 3 other boys born in the wider family that year and MIL was furious none of them were girls, and didn’t show any interest in any of them.
I have one of each and the stark contrast between how they are treated by the in-laws is awful. We are very low contact with them as a result. The final straw was one Christmas where my DD was given perfectly chosen decent gifts and my DS was given one of those £1 toys that you win at the fairground from them!

This is so mean! 'maybe it's an issue with your kids' ??

I can tell you I've got three boys and have had similar comments 'wow how do you do it!' 'I'm so glad I only have girls, it's so quiet in my house'
'i bet you'd love a girl'. Condolences offered when my last was a son, etc.
And I don't have boisterous boys...my eldest would ideally draw all day long for example. Just the mere fact they are all boys seems to generate some kind of gasp. Until people get to know them and realise they are delightful. I adore them and wouldn't change a thing, but it doesn't stop me noticing the comments, I'm not deaf.

I have two boys and my experience has been that people assume that mums want girls and dads want boys. So as a mum of boys, you bear the brunt of the negative comments.

I‘ve had comments like ‘two boys eh? Well at least your husband must be happy!’ (He is, but he would also have been delighted with two girls or a boy and a girl.)

A friend who has two daughters the same ages as my boys has experienced the same in reverse. People have commiserated with her husband for having two daughters.

I can’t say any of it bothers me. I’m delighted to be a mum of boys (I always had a feeling I would be) and I can’t imagine things any other way. But I’m sure I would have loved having girls too.

I actually think the problem is much bigger and more sinister than this. There's a real and ongoing crisis of masculinity

Poor the menz. They’ll probably get over it by the time they’re earning double the income and getting further in life just because they’re….men

And yes to the comments saying people assume women want girls and men boys. People think my DH is a legend having 3 sons. He couldn't have cared less each time. He would have been just as happy with 3 girls.

People talk shite. As a childfree woman I have to listen to some amount of nonsense.

Worldwide the preference is for boys. Female infanticide is a massive issue in many countries.

In some areas of the UK, hospital trusts will not divulge the sex of the baby do to male preference being so strong in some cultures.

There does to some extent be a leaning towards girls within some white communities in the UK, however this is nowhere the extreme that male births are becoming disproportionately low which is seen in female births worldwide. Male births outnumber female in the UK, as they always have.

In some cultures sons are 'better' because when they marry their wives will join the family and help to look after aging parents. Daughters will move to join their husband's family. In UK, traditionally, daughters are probably expected to be closer to their parents than sons are so the reverse would be true.

@BananaSpanner im actually not a sensitive person , ironically people are actually really dismissive on this thread. I’ve had so, so many comments re having 3 boys, I know I’m not imagining it . It’s probably the same for people with multiple girls but in reality I’ve had the experience where people talk about boys in a way that’s actually really offensive. I’ve just put in “gender disappointment “ on mumsnet and I’d say almost all of them are about boys. And it was my friend texting “so
relieved she’s having a girl “ that was the point where I was wtf! And tbh it made me
think of the countless shitty comments I’ve had re boys .
I certainly don’t look for ways to be offended and my children are really great.

This.

@Berlinlover the best comment on this!

Alot of women want that mother-daughter bond, to dress them up in pretty clothes and go shopping together and do 'girly things'.

I think that some people like to comment and regardless of the individual’s situation and circumstances, they will find something to say about it. Usually it’s as meaningless small talk as commenting on the weather. As said by a PP it’s confirmation bias when it becomes something you dwell on.

Totally totally agree with this. And I've seen you've had a typical mumsnet man hating response already 'poor the menz', which is why this topic can never be debated on here. But it's a very real issue, especially in secondary schools. It fuels the rise of horrific male role models we are starting to witness.

I’ve just put in “gender disappointment “ on mumsnet and I’d say almost all of them are about boys

talking on an anonymous forum about disappointment in not having a girl does not equal negative comments being made about boys. These don’t conflate

im actually not a sensitive person , ironically people are actually really dismissive on this thread

ironically dismissive how? You throw a lot of words about which make no sense!

But then consider how much men are slated on here…no wonder boys are seen as a negative.