Absolutely sick of negativity towards boys

[Notgreatisit]

I have 3 sons , I love being a mother and we both wanted 3 children and we are so lucky to have them. I remember so, so distinctly being pregnant with my third and I had to have minor surgery, I was awake during it and the dr asked me what sex I was having and I said a boy and she was consoling me as I had told her I had two boys already . I was absolutely disgusted tbh and she actually said “ah you are disappointed though really “. I said “absolutely not , that’s a ridiculous comment “.
I’ve had this so much , I never gave it a second thought before kids , I was and am v much kids are kids . The last day I met a woman and she has one son and two daughters and she actually said “I’ve aged 10 years since having my son, I can’t imagine how you cope with with 3” in front of my sons ….. Tons of comments through the years like this, absolutely tons .
I can’t even imagine talking to someone with daughters like this, so so rude and horrible tbh .
My sons are absolutely lovely , they are older now and I’ve a fantastic and close relationship with them . They are interesting, really funny and love hanging out with us . I have a two teen boys and one pre teen and all easy going and lovely . They are and always have been extremely physical but also as a female I am too , I’m in my late 30’s and still into climbing and surfing etc . My friends are all older having kids and the talk is shocking ; “fingers crossed we are having a girl”! Etc etc . in front of me and others with boys. My friend just texted me this evening re. another friend with “it’s a girl, she’s so happy and relieved “ 🤷‍♀️
I was viciously bullied by a girl mentally and physically in secondary school, I work as a secondary teacher and I find individuals difficult and in fact on the whole it’s the parents of girls who are stressed out of their minds and struggling in Teenage years, in mn the vast majority of parents of teens struggling have girls . I don’t at all think girls are harder than boys or boys harder than girls ,children are individuals and their challenges with everyone . The only noticeable difference I found in reality is that my boys were way ,way more physically active when young and now to be honest. I’m presuming that’s something natural maybe or hormonal and people don’t like it. If I had a penny for my friends with both boys and girls say “ she’s so easy by comparison, she’s so quiet and draws
and colours etc …” obviously pre teen.
The negativity towards boys is awful, my older sons notice it now too.

Thanks @SemperIdem @Delphiniumandlupins @Comedycook. Genuinely didn't know this was a widespread way of thinking, as I was aware of a strong preference towards boys for example in China or India, but did not think in the UK/ most Western cultures there was a particular preference. Apart from maybe some people having the ideal of 'one of each'.

Totally totally agree with this. And I've seen you've had a typical mumsnet man hating response already 'poor the menz', which is why this topic can never be debated on here. But it's a very real issue, especially in secondary schools. It fuels the rise of horrific male role models we are starting to witness

I made that comment and I totally agree with you. It is a massive problem.

But to be fair, I’m sick of men being the problem and women having to watch their step/ sort them out/ tiptoe around. They can sort out their own issues with toxic masculinity - it’s not women’s fault

Who exactly is demonising maleness? Because, let's face it, it's unlikely to be males is it? So if the 50% of the hunan race who hold the power in every sphere of society in every country in the world aren't demonising it, what sort of 'crisis' do you envisage? You don't have to write three essays, just who is behind it and what power you think they have to harm men and what harm will they cause, would be enlightening.

I've got twin girls and I've had SO many negative comments from people over the years about having 2 girls (to be fair, both are AuDHD and abnormally hyperactive!).

One boy and one girl here - older now. But I always said if I would’ve had a third I would’ve liked another boy. Boys may be a bit more full on when little - but once girls become pre-teens it’s something else!

I have 3 boys and 1 girl, if I could trade my daughter in for a son I would 😂

Only joking, or am I? I dont even know to be honest. I definitely wanted a 4th boy though.

If you’re happy with what you have (and you say you are) why does what other women want bother you?

When I was pregnant with DS I was on a birth thread here where someone was having a girl and was vocally disappointed. I found that hard to understand but it didn’t bother or upset me.

I have only once been upset by comments on gender on here and it was a very extreme one with the poster saying she wanted to give ‘it’ up for adoption if it was a boy (and referring to it as it - I don’t want it she repeatedly said) but I felt pretty sorry for her kids whether they were boys or girls.

I am a mother to an only ds. I have secondary infertility now and am in the middle of IVF. I would give anything in the world to have another ds. Or a dd . Have absolutely no interest in the sex anymore. People who actually care about such things don’t realise how lucky they have it.

@Asherrain we’ve a word for people like @Sugarlily in my country. I know their type well 😂
What I meant @Sugarlily was /is when my dcs were small they weren’t the types to sit for long and were always on the move which I observed to be a “negative thing “by others , they are well behaved kids and we are, I hope , good parents. My brothers are all writers and artists but my kids were constantly on the move and I think having children who are”placid “ are more desired. My children are still mad into adventure sports but now they are older their activeness is a good thing but not when younger.

I’m sorry that you’ve had these unpleasant comments. I agree, I think there is something in society where people will ( somehow) see it as acceptable to say in front of people with children of one gender that they hope for the other gender- it’s rude and hurtful. I’ve had it done in front of me and also find it upsetting.

personally, I think maybe boys are harder at a younger age then girls harder in adolescence. Statistically boys have a higher rate of ADHD/ ASD, whereas girls are more likely to experience conditions like eating disorder / depression which may surface in adolescence- but again these are generalisations.

it’s odd that friends aren’t more supportive of one another’s families- feels a bit insensitive to me. We tend to be aware of the the sex of friend’s children so why make the comment?! It says more about them than it does you though, that’s the thing to remember.

It's all boys in DS's generation of our family. And they are a lovely bunch. Respectful. Kind. Funny. Interesting. Hard-working. A really well-rounded group of lads. We've just all had a family holiday together and have had a great time.

The bias towards baby girls really grates on me sometimes...

I have two sons. They are happy, kind boys. I took them for a walk a few weeks ago and got chatting to an older lady who was walking with her husband. The husband started telling us all about a badger den he’d seen in the woods and the woman chipped in with - “don’t tell them where though. You know what boys are like.”

At the time I didn’t think to comment but her words kept coming back to me ever since. It seemed an unfair and rather cruel thing to say, especially in front of my sons, who are only 5 & 10. It’s odd what kids remember. People assume they’re not listening but they are, and words matter.

My boys are definitely not harder than some of the girls I know! Yes they are lively, & physical (from the moment they get up to the when they go to bed,) but they’re clever, thoughtful and decent kids. Sometimes I have to separate them and sometimes they push the boundaries but that’s normal. Personally, I’d rather have boys than girls but there you go

I have two girls and often get asked "oh you'll be trying for a third then, you'll be trying for a boy." My father in law even said "that's a shame" when we told him our second was another girl

I’ve noticed it too recently. I have a son and am pregnant with my second and so many people have said ‘aww, hope it’s a girl’ (I don’t know, don’t care and won’t be finding out in advance).

Initially I put it down to people assuming I would want ‘one of each’ (as though children are a set to collect) but more recently there is a clear undertone that mothers MUST want daughters.

Any time I see gender disappointment threads, the disappointment is because it’s a boy. And then there is all the stereotyping as you say - people act like little boys are wild animals who will run you ragged. I even had one person say ‘if you get a little girl she can help keep your son in check’. For one thing it would NEVER be a little girl’s job to manage the behaviour or her brother on my watch, and for another my son is the gentlest, calmest little thing whose favourite activities are puzzles, painting and reading books together!

1 boy and that's the way it'll stay. I was one of 2 girls. My mum didn't like us or parenting so we never went to spas etc. We are not close. I was happy to have a boy. I don't want a mini me or best mate that's not a parents job. The obsession with girls is weird.

I’d say sensitivity and lack of confidence means you’re taking throwaway comments about boys too personally. People say the same about girls, particularly teenage girls. They make the same comments about breeds of dogs and cats!

Abit different perhaps I have 2 daughters and pregnant with my third when I found out it was a boy I was thrilled I feel very blessed to experience having a son too I'm so excited to meet him

Well done for standing up to your doctor. For some reason some doctors think they can just say whatever random thought crosses their mind. They can’t. In similar professions you’d be sacked for that type of blatant sexism.

I can think of plenty of people w 3 girls who get the same.

I do think people are overall a bit more negative about boys in mainstream UK culture, and they absolutely shouldn’t be, but… it’s the blink of an eye since girls were treated like grubs, and still are in much of the world.

Call them out as you do, people are idiots

I've found the opposite to be true. Lots of sexist comments about how girls are much harder work than boys, bitchier, more manipulative. It's infuriating.

Yep! I have 2 boys and a girl and used to get the ah bet you’re glad you got a girl too. Not really no! I mean she’s amazing but I would have been perfectly happy with 3 boys 🤷.

I've never heard any comments like these in real life. Only on social media.

I have two boys OP and if I’d had more children I’d have been thrilled to have more boys, in fact when I thought about having a third it was always a boy’s name I’d be thinking about. I have three friends who all have three boys each, (so eleven boys between us, no girls). I had no idea girls were seen as more preferable in this country. I have to say I have never had a negative comment about having boys.

When I was pregnant with my DS, I had more positive comments about boys than girls...saying how lovely they are, loving and easier than girls.

However, I also know lots of women who only ever wanted girls...or at least a girl first.

I am absolutely delighted with my son - he's absolutely amazing in every way and I can't wait to bring him to to be an amazing young man. And if he's super busy as a toddler and growing up, then so what?! I didn't have a child with the expectation that I'd be sitting around all day and not having anything to do with them...boy or girl...I fully planned on being busy with them!

She’s lucky then.

Plenty of ‘of your husband must be disappointed / it’s a shame about the name isn’t it? / boys are so much easier / there’s something special about a boy isn’t there? / good luck with those hormones in the teen years! / gosh they must fight like cats / your poor husband - surrounded by women / will you try for a 4th?’ round here.