My childhood summers versus my DD’s

[Waitingforseptembernow]

I was born late 70’s, young childhood in the 80’s, teenager in the 90’s
During summer, us kids were left to our own devices, I can’t remember my mum taking us to the park/playground much (very occasionally on a Sunday with my dad)
She never set up activities, did crafts, only baking at Christmas when I helped her make mince pies. Dinner was only made from scratch on a Sunday maybe-roast, lasagna…during the week it was Findus crispy pancakes, chips & beans, salads in summer. My mum didn’t work, I remember she cleaned more than I do (I have a cleaner as hate cleaning and want to spend my time with Dd)
This is not a slagging off my mum post as she is lovely, just a comparison in the effort maybe in parenting then versus now, does anyone feel the same?
I arrange play dates for Dd, we go to the playgrounds, beach, parks, picnics, I do crafts, baking, days out, I’m not complaining, it’s my choice and I enjoy it (I’m very tired though!) just wondering why it’s so different now to then? Did mum’s generally not think or want to do all these things?
I want to be an 80’s mum!

I grew up in the 80s. My mum worked full time. We had a cleaner and our holidays were spent either at holiday clubs or with a childminder. We were allowed out on the street on our own but not much further. I don't really recognise my childhood in yours although it must have been a similar era.

I grew up in the 80s.

My mum had a mum who worked full time so she put a lot of effort into being there for us. She baked(badly, admittedly), we grew vegetables at the allotment, days out, holidays to north wales.

There's always been a group of mums who don't want to or can't spend much time with their kids, and mums who do.

I'm not convinced it's changed that much over the years.

If you want to put in less effort then do so,

Thinking about my friendship group from then and the kids on our street, they were all similar I’d say

I’m the same age as you OP and my mum regularly did baking with us, cooked everything from scratch, we went on lots of family outings to parks, walks etc - so I don’t recognise your description.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong - everyone parents differently whatever the decade. I think you should just focus on doing what works for you.

Life was different back then so it's not directly comparable is it. Children invariably played with other children happily and didn't need constant structured activities and stimulation. It was enjoyable that way rather than parents kicking children out all day because it was easier (although of course some sadly did). Things that were arranged were more effort as didn't have the Internet or texts so fewer things took more effort.

I am not in any way trying to bring down a lighthearted post but the outcomes for children in the 80s weren’t great in all honesty. I know there’s a sense we’ve gone too far the other way and it’s hard to find a middle ground but certainly for young children I think modern parenting is better.

Expectations of parental engagement with children are much higher than they were, for sure.

in the summer we were left to our own devices to an extent that isn't possible now. We had an estate of children to play with and fields to run wild in. Nowadays children are much more supervised

I was an 80s child. My mum worked part time. There were no holiday clubs they didn't exist. I went out to play or visited my grandparents.

My kids went to holiday clubs pre Covid but since I moved to wfh they mostly just go out to play with activity days here and there and scouts camp.

Apart from technology there's no much difference

I was brought up similarly to you OP. My mum did her own thing and we were expected to entertain ourselves. She wouldn't let us watch TV during the day and would kick us out of the house, we would be expected to come home for dinner.

My mum was sacked when she was pregnant with my brother at the start of the 1980s. She went back 6 years later. She was fun but hated cleaning, cook from scratch once or twice a week and generally did small bits of things with us. But mostly we were left to play in the garden or inside. When we were bigger we would go out for hours and hours, including the swimming pool and park alone. Mum was very unconcerned. She always comments about the ridiculous expectations of parenting now.

@themoonandthestarsandme The outcomes in what sense?

What on earth do you mean that outcomes for children the 80s weren't good?

I'm the same age too, my mum worked p/t in my dad's office. We had an au pair in the holidays and had a cleaner and gardener so she plenty of time to do stuff with us. Was really good at the crafty / baking kind of stuff and we were always going for walks / picnics. With friends / family. Big Sunday lunches etc.

We were lucky to have that lifestyle but lost our house in the recession and it all changed after that. We were older then so it didn't impact as much as it would have done when we were younger in terms of time spent with my mum.

50s/60s here, so a bit different. My DM didn’t go back to work until I was 14 (had 2 younger siblings) but until I was rather older she had no car, no automatic washing machine, no central heating. So being a SAHM was much harder work, esp. when she had nappies to wash and dry.

We always had a 2 week U.K. seaside holiday, so luckier than many, but were hardly ever taken anywhere - we just played in the garden (lucky to have a big one) or amused ourselves by reading those quaint old fashioned things called books. Didn’t even have a TV until I was 11.

I don't know, a generation of obese children many addicted to devices with little resilience isn't great either. Of course not true for all, but if we are generalising then why not

When I was a kid we all had mums at home, which meant there were other kids in the street to play with. Now everyone’s mum is at work and the kids are in care.

I’m off work this week with DS and there’s nobody to play with, all the kids nearby are at a childminder or relatives house while both parents are at work, getting home about 6.30pm. Then at the weekend they have to spend time with their parents because they haven’t seen them all week, they go out places so there’s still nobody to play with.

I feel sad for my DS because he isn’t going to have a childhood of playing in the street like I did - because there’s nobody to play with.

Did you miss the public information films?

Kids played out and got killed/injured by by doing stupid things like going on railway tracks, climbing on pylons, etc.

Household items like ovens and fridges were less safe.

but certainly for young children I think modern parenting is better.

That's not the impression I get. A huge rise in obesity, lack of social skills due to being glued to screens, big increase in anxiety and other mental health problems, infantalisation and lack of resilience.

Well you wouldn't be aware of as many things out of your local area for a start. Less people drove, my dad was the driver so if he was working we used public transport.

I was born mid 80s and my childhood was filled with days out to the park, weeks visiting family that lived by the sea, any days out had a home made picnic. We spent ALOT of time with my grand parents and visiting local aunts and uncles. I spent alot of my time reading and weekly trips to the library were our norm. My mum had three children and she had more time and the benefit of conveniences but her mum had had 8 in the 50s and 60s and would have spent more time on chores and keeping house.

Well, death, bluntly (and serious injury) there were so many traffic fatalities and children were always being run over. Then if you look at PIVs on YouTube from the 70s/80s about saying no to strangers, keeping off farms, staying off railway lines, away from power cables and deep water … it gives a sense of what kids roaming around will get up to. What strikes me about them now is that the responsibility for any mishaps are put firmly onto the child. I think that scary dark water one actually says something like ‘silly children will drown.’

But also sexual abuse by peers and adults and physical abuse, bullying … It’s not all rosy when lord of the flies takes over.

My mam never baked, or did many crafts with us and I don't do that sort of thing with my kids either (I have tried and it always turns out disastrously 😂) we did plenty of days out as kids and that's how I like to spend time with mine too, we do theme parks, country parks, beaches, castles, museums etc. We play board games sometimes too. They also play out with their friends with the same amount of freedom I had as a child. I'd say they have a pretty similar childhood to me.

Attitudes were different then. Children weren't pandered to, or prioritised over adults in the same way that they often are these days. For example, you wouldn't have a child taking up a seat on a crowded bus.

@themoonandthestarsandme yes, I was always convinced I was going to come a cropper in a grain silo - ignoring the fact I lived in North London for a good chunk of my childhood and had never stepped foot on a farm

80s child. We had to entertain ourselves. I would be out playing either alone or with friends and rarely did structured activities with my working parents. I remember having fun alot but was probably slightly feral tbh.

I think there are lots of advantages to that childhood but I can see the negatives. It's just not the norm anymore.

When I was telling my dad I felt guilty about not entertaining my kids enough this summer he said he used to be kicked out in the morning with his brothers, a packed lunch and some water and they weren't expected back until tea time. I was shooketh.
I'd like to find the middle ground between being a full time children's entertainer and outright neglect though 😅