My childhood summers versus my DD’s

[Waitingforseptembernow]

I was born late 70’s, young childhood in the 80’s, teenager in the 90’s
During summer, us kids were left to our own devices, I can’t remember my mum taking us to the park/playground much (very occasionally on a Sunday with my dad)
She never set up activities, did crafts, only baking at Christmas when I helped her make mince pies. Dinner was only made from scratch on a Sunday maybe-roast, lasagna…during the week it was Findus crispy pancakes, chips & beans, salads in summer. My mum didn’t work, I remember she cleaned more than I do (I have a cleaner as hate cleaning and want to spend my time with Dd)
This is not a slagging off my mum post as she is lovely, just a comparison in the effort maybe in parenting then versus now, does anyone feel the same?
I arrange play dates for Dd, we go to the playgrounds, beach, parks, picnics, I do crafts, baking, days out, I’m not complaining, it’s my choice and I enjoy it (I’m very tired though!) just wondering why it’s so different now to then? Did mum’s generally not think or want to do all these things?
I want to be an 80’s mum!

YANBU I was born in '77, my mum did diddly,squat with us as kids, never played a game let alone took us anywhere. I do everything with my DS he's my little best mate in the holidays!

My mum has lived for about 50 years in the house I grew up in, and has seen a marked change in childhood over the years.

It was a newly built estate when we moved in, with lots of children all about the same age. We played outside and in each other's gardens, often hopping the walls to gain access. Rode bikes, skated, kicked a ball around, played "Olympics" :-)

Free range dogs belonging to various neighbours joined the fun. We even talked of the dogs using their given name plus surname - 'Fido Smith' for eg.

Then we all turned into teens, and finally left home for university and adult lives. Older neighbours downsized, but the price of the houses had shot up to the point where two incomes were needed to afford to buy. There are plenty of children, but because both parents are employed, they are now in full-time childcare or non-stop after-school activities every day, often with sports matches or meets on weekends, and nobody plays casually outside anymore. It turns into a vicious circle, when there's nobody available to play, so even if there is a child whose days are not scheduled, there's nobody for them to play with.

I was also an 80s child, 90s teen (best era ever)
my circumstances were a little different as my sister had severe learning difficulties so I used to spend a lot of time on my own in my room and playing out at the front of the house. But I remember baking, my dad making me cricket bats etc, refurbishing an old bike into a racer bike for me etc (we didn’t have a lot of money) and although my dad worked a lot my fondest memories are of a Sunday after tea we used to all go to the local country park for a walk, armed with a nature spotting book and binoculars. I was pretty happy with a chalk, and drawing and doing crafty stuff on my own. I think these days everything costs too much and we put to much emphasis on material stuff and costs, it’s important for children to be comfortable with themselves and be able to problem solve without a helicopter parent doing it for them.
I also used to love going to the library, getting home and having some time to read on my own in my room - ahhhh bliss!

I spent my school holidays with my friends, I hardly ever did any activity with my mother, and neither did my pals.

Mine was similar to yours OP. My mum was a SAHM, but I don’t have any memories of her apart from her shouting. She never seemed to be in the same room as us, though she was in the house. She spent all her time cleaning and nothing else. Food was similar to yours too, though in place of findus pancakes we had Fishfingers.
We didn’t even make mince pies at Christmas.
No crafts, no park visits.
I mainly played out in the street with my friends from around 7 years old. My mum wouldn’t even ask where I had been or what I had done. I could tell the time and had a watch and was just told a time I had to be back.
It was a pretty neglectful childhood really.
I never felt bonded to my mother or like she was my safe place. She was just a woman in the house. So, no, I wouldn’t want to be a 1980s mum, I like the fun, the memories and the relationship I have with my children. Saying that, I think I would have been the same mum that I am today in any era though, I treated my dolls with more love when I was a child, than my mum ever showed me. I think some women are just more maternal than others.

@themoonandthestarsandme

"the outcomes for children in the 80s weren’t great in all honesty."

This is interesting. Really? Why was that?

I was born early 70's, and had 2 older brothers. We played out happily, with lots of other kids in our cul-de-sac, riding our bikes, building death slides etc.

Both my parents were teachers and I was loved, grounded and content.

I still prefer many parts of those days.

I am around the same age as you op! We used to have one big day out in the summer holidays and the rest of the time were just left to play with our friends. I don't think there was anything wrong with it either. We amused ourselves and our parents were not hovering over us, constantly organising play dates and days out!

How many kids did your mum have and how many have you?

Adults actually listen now if a child talks about abuse. I just remember everything was shameful back then even if weird things happened. I am glad it isn't like that anymore. I imagine there are the same amount of pervs and abusers out there now, it's just talked about and kids are respected more. This is a really good thing.

Indeed! I was born in 1958 and my mother didn't work but had little input to our holiday lives when we were kids. It was exactly the same for all my friends and peers.

We played out together or at each other's homes when we were primary age. From age of about 9, we would go most days to the children's playground (about a 15 minute walk) and meet up there, often spending most of the day there. On wet days (and in winter school holidays) we'd spend some of the time individually or together (no "play date" arrangement - you'd go and 'call for' your friends at their houses) drawing, painting, reading or playing board games.

Once I was secondary age, we were off playing football or tennis all day.

"Outcomes"? Massively more independent children and young people, who didn't rely on parents or devices (there were none and not really any TV for us apart from 4-5.45pm on weekdays) and were very creative - because we had to be.

My mum worked in a school so she had the holidays off apart from a week, when I would go in with her and "help"

I didn't mind tho because her school had an outdoor swimming pool and dogs!

We went on caravan holidays for 2 weeks minimum and day trips to parks and zoos. We would visit relatives in wales and I spent a lot of time with my cousin the same age playing in each others gardens.

We lived on a cul de sac so I was always outside playing with neighbourhood kids.

I had a great time as a child!

My dc have a fairly similar routine to me. A week or two away and then lots of trips or small overnight adventures. I'm also a teacher so we enjoy having the hols together.
We like quiet days at home on the Croft too pottering with the dogs or doing odd jobs.

Our grandaughter lives on the same estate as us, it's a lovely area and they waited for a house to come up for sale in steet that is just lovely for kids to live on. The whole time we've lived here no children have played out, until this summer. It started gradually and now there's quite a few but it's different playing out from dds childhood or my own. It's more like all the kids go between each others gardens, things being taken outside like craft sets and then going off to the house opposite to play on the trampoline. They all seem to like to tell on each other a dozen times a day and I know its been stressful for the parents, I've had dozens of stressed out phone calls from dd about it. They parents all have each others numbers now so in a way its bright them all together. Dgd hasn't once said she is bored, hasn't asked to play on roblox and has come out of her shell a bit more. I've booked holidays to cover the next 2 weeks childcare and will be doing so at their house so she can play out. Dd says she can't wait for the dark nights and no playing out though!

brought not bright

"Outcomes"? Massively more independent children and young people, who didn't rely on parents or devices (there were none and not really any TV for us apart from 4-5.45pm on weekdays) and were very creative - because we had to be.

If you survived. Quite a few didn’t.

I'm an only child growing up in the late 60s/70s. Mum was the first person I knew to get divorced; she worked full time, and I was looked after by nan, who lived with us. At first we lived in the middle of nowhere, and nan taught me to swim really early, as we had a tidal river at the bottom of the garden. Summers were mainly spent "working" in nan's garden or "helping" to make clotted cream at the farm over the road.

When we moved to a village, I had more local friends. We went to play fields, or the local quarry turned into a nature reserve, or the river. Mum and nan seemed to rely on me having common sense to avoid most hazards. We did also stick together in small groups. A weird man at play fields was quickly reported at the village police house. My friend who cut her head open walking under a road sign was carefully repaired by the first aider at the small swimming pool.

So I think definitely more freedom than our family children of similar ages now. But maybe also more of a recognition of the need to look out for ourselves and each other. Neither is right or wrong, and it may be a product of growing up in the countryside.

And for anyone growing up at a similar time, may I share an earworm of the theme to Robinson Crusoe.

Born in the late 70s, my 80s childhood was like the OP described. We were left to our own devices most of the time. I remember my parents playing board games with us, and the reason I remember is because it was such a rare thing.
My niece was born in the early 90s and her childhood was very different to mine.

How many do you personally know that didn't survive? There was one friend of my brother who got some burns playing where he shouldn't have been but no one died that we knew if. Cant count the schoolmate who was murdered

I was born around the same time in a different European country but what you describe was my childhood/ teenage years too. My mom would go to work in the morning since, and since about 10ish I was on my own during the day. We lived in a flat but all flats around us had kids around my age and we all would hang out together outside and play all day. There were some SAHMs who’d call their kids for lunch and that was everyone else’s cue to go eat something and meet again outside in an hour or so. The only thing my mom ‘set up’ was making sure there was food for me to eat during the day.

@Reugny what did fridges do to harm children?

I was an 80's/90's child and my mum was working at least part time. We always had good home cooked dinners but a day out was rare. I played out with friends or round their houses. Sometimes we would get dropped off for swimming and picked up again a couple of hours later from age 9ish. My parents never took us to the park, it was rare we played games, I don't remember them ever playing things like Barbie's, Lego etc with us. My mum did teach me to bake and sew. Sometimes we'd wonder along the beach on a Sunday afternoon and get ice cream but I don't particularly ever remember us playing in the beach and I wasn't allowed in the sea. We'd have a holiday each year and eat out occasionally.

Parents are expected to entertain their children these days. I grew up in the 60s and 70s and we made our own fun. If I ever complained about being bored mum would find lots of chores I could do, fun things like weeding the garden. So we didn't complain, we entertained ourselves and used our imaginations.

Now kids sit around on their phones and expect their parents to make life continually fun for them. Some things haven't changed for the better.

@themoonandthestarsandme

You do realise we are talking about the 1980s not the 1880s

I think about this a lot, @Waitingforseptembernow and I agree with you.

My mum worked part-time. She cleaned the house a lot. She wasn't a great cook and didn't put much effort into it. Food was relatively healthy but bland.

She didn't do any activities with us. Never baked. Never took us to the park or played with us. Nothing like that, ever.

I think it just didn't occur to her. And there was so social media so no visibility of what other parents were doing.

She wasn't neglectful (although I do think she was actually emotionally neglectful as she was very emotionally absent. Didn't really speak to me or offer much guidance etc.)

She drove me to Rainbows / Brownies and swimming.

But other than that, I was just out on my bike with kids on my street.

Their mums were generally more attentive, crafts and baking and stuff. And I did start to notice but didn't really have the words to discuss it with anyone or ask mum about it.

I can remember doing a collage for a badge at Brownies. Had to take it to an artist woman to be awarded the badge.

Mine was on a sheet of paper torn from my school book, and I had just stuck on a couple of things I had found around the house and garden (flower petal, piece of kitchen foil etc) and drawn around them. I was quite proud of it.

Till I saw my friends. It was huge, on a big piece of stiff card, and then framed. Real pebbles and twine and shells and all sorts.

I felt really embarrassed and I think I felt a bit angry at mum although couldn't really articulate why. I think the artist woman felt a bit sorry for me too.

All that to say, I think there was an element of ignorance is bliss back then because of no social media. My mum had no idea she was supposed to be doing things with me. I do think we do too much for our kids now (I include myself in this), but I think my mum should have been more involved in my childhood.

I think now there's so much visibility due to social media that anybody who wants to be an involved parent and set up crafts etc for their kids, will. The ones who don't I'd imagine just don't want to.

Whereas it wasn't so clear cut back then.

I also think expectations are much higher these days (too high).

It isn’t really about how many I know personally though as that could be very misleading. It’s more about actual statistics.

So just going on statistics of children killed in road accidents (mostly as pedestrians) here link if you look at the second page you can see how drastically fatalities have fallen throughout the decades despite the number of cars on the road going up such a lot.

That holds true for everything - drowning and abduction (rare but still more common in the past) and misadventure. Children are much more closely supervised now so these deaths are unlikely to happen.

It does come at a cost as well and I recognise that and I think most people do. It’s hard making the right distinction between keeping safe and wrapping in cotton wool. Mine are only little so not unsupervised yet. But I do smile a bit wryly at the glory days posts as I lived it and I know groups of unsupervised children can go very dark very quickly.

Tail end of 90/2000s kid here. I’m the youngest to much older parents so benefited from the old school mentality.

Mum could see the park using binoculars from my bedroom window. We weren’t allowed to ‘hang around’ on the street but I was allowed to go knock for friends, play in the park, play in the street/fields/woods/lakes.

I grew up in fear of being kidnapped as ‘my mum will kill me’ if I’m kidnapped.

I used to do a lot of structured sports/extra curricular too.

I do wonder about obesity now. Is it worth having having all these unfit kids that grow up inside because of the very slight risk of playing outside?

It’s like us adults not going running outside because there’s a chance of being hit by a car?

Doing five hours of structured sports a week isn’t the same as leaving the house after breakfast and not settling back down until dinner. I had to tell mum exactly where I was going ‘Can I knock for Jess?’ ‘Jess isn’t in, can I go knock for Ash?’

We live in a world that you’re more likely to be sexually assaulted or murdered by a man you know than a ransomer on the street. It’s the same for kids. It’s counterproductive keeping them in.

That’s because there largely aren’t any kids on the street!