My childhood summers versus my DD’s

[Waitingforseptembernow]

I was born late 70’s, young childhood in the 80’s, teenager in the 90’s
During summer, us kids were left to our own devices, I can’t remember my mum taking us to the park/playground much (very occasionally on a Sunday with my dad)
She never set up activities, did crafts, only baking at Christmas when I helped her make mince pies. Dinner was only made from scratch on a Sunday maybe-roast, lasagna…during the week it was Findus crispy pancakes, chips & beans, salads in summer. My mum didn’t work, I remember she cleaned more than I do (I have a cleaner as hate cleaning and want to spend my time with Dd)
This is not a slagging off my mum post as she is lovely, just a comparison in the effort maybe in parenting then versus now, does anyone feel the same?
I arrange play dates for Dd, we go to the playgrounds, beach, parks, picnics, I do crafts, baking, days out, I’m not complaining, it’s my choice and I enjoy it (I’m very tired though!) just wondering why it’s so different now to then? Did mum’s generally not think or want to do all these things?
I want to be an 80’s mum!

My childhood was in the 90s (teen years in the 2000s) and we had a good mix of my parents spending time with us and us doing our own things. We went to the park pretty much every sunday in the summer (though it wasn't specifically to take us to the playground but to go to a church thing in the park but we'd play in the playground during it), we'd go for family bike rides and walks, days out (sometimes to weird places though, once we went on a tour of the local sewage works) but we also spent a lot of time entertaining ourselves or playing with friends. Some years we'd go away on holiday for 3-6 weeks and then it would again be a mix of doing things together and entertaining ourselves but in a different country.

I'm pretty sure I do a lot less with my children during the summer holidays than my parents did, certainly less holidays and days out because I can't afford it.

I was born late 70’s, young childhood in the 80’s, teenager in the 90’s

That applies to DH and I but we had very different childhoods.

DC much less supervision and contact with parents as soon as he was at school MIL was back full time- latch key kid really early and doing things with parents often meant entertaining himself in their workplaces. Even family holidays were not really a thing - he was left till teen though they did some as a baby where they left him in hotel room alone. Often pushed out of house told to come back for tea. Completely hands off education - didn't do anything with him.

My parents were both latch key kids so even when they needed second wage Mum worked p/t term time and later evening weekends. Mum did baking with us - not as much as I've done - and family days out and they tried for holidays UK based though couldn't do it every year. Primary school discouraged parents helping - but Dad helped with maths and Mum heard us read and tool us to the library.

Different with my kids - there less other kids round and none play out - so they've done things later - walked to school by themselves later - hung out with friends much older ages though about same for going into city center 11.5 term after starting secondary vs 11 before secondary.

Big difference is school expatiations - I did some homework in primary and DH did some mostly by ourselves - and lots at secondary. DC secondary is light on homework in our view before exam years but first primary had loads of homework and large class sizes seem to mean less support when our kids struggled so more home support needed - when we moved school and went to no homework there was suddenly so much more time - and once support programs we did at home finished huge amount of time.

I think our kids have had much more parental time and energy and focus than we got as kids - and oddly with IL more grandparent focus than we had - days out and overnight visits - no childcare to help us but more of a relationship than we got despite them being further geographically away than mine and DH ever were.

60s/70s childhood here. I had sibling, but he was much older so we only played together when I was quite little. I enjoyed the advantages of almost being an only child. Mum and I did things together in the holidays etc. We baked, we made lunch, I helped her do things around the house. We definitely had a bag of scrap paper and glue and paints and I remember making stuff from Blue Peter and my Dad bringing scraps of cut out left over sticky backed plastic from work which were all one colour and odd shapes and my Mum and I laughed about how it wasn’t a ‘mosaic design but we mustn’t grumble’

I played out with friends. My Dad made a putting course on the lawn one year and on another we did space hoppa show jumping over broomsticks until he decided we’d worn the grass out too much.

There were days out and there was a council funded holiday activity events schedule for st least 3 that included a bus that took you to the venues. I did drama club - it was wonderful.

I did get parked in front of the telly but no worries re screen time especially as kids tv wasn’t in all day. My mum and I watched old films together on tv.

My bro was great and bought me comics from his holiday job at the newsagent.

I’d like to think I did as much for our DC - only child. Just slightly differently

Born in 1976 and completely agree with you op.
Kids don't know they're born these days🤣but actually my 12 year old is getting to the point where she doesn't want me managing her social diary any more which is fine with me, more than fine actually

I agree. I was always out at friend’s houses on my street or out on my bike or roller skates. No tv or screens in the day ever. I loved the freedom. Kids today are much more anxious & unhappy due to their over protective, stressed parents.

most of us responding ARE children of the 80s?!

I genuinely can't remember anything specific about summer holidays till I was in secondary school, other than very specific events. I know my mum was a SAHM and I know she did lots of stuff with us and was probably more cautious than some.

‘fridges were less safe.’

Whatin earth was unsafe about fridges in the 1980’s? Did children use to crawl inside and shut the door ( difficult as in UK the 80’s fridge was usually 60 x 58 cms externally, but I suppose you could try and fold yourself up into it and pull the door shut) . Pull them over on top of themselves as they were not usually integrated? Get at the milk because they didn’t lock….

Why did we never hear about the epidemic of fridge related injuries and deaths amongst children in the 1980’s ? I could make a guess….

Its more the explaining yourself to children these days I hate. They need a reason for everything (they dont) today.

When I was a child it was - because I'm your mother and I said so.

I've had to tell my sister several times I am not explaining or justifying to myself to her bratty daughter on many occasions. She could mind her own business instead.

Born late 60's, kid in the 70s/early 80s here. We had much more freedom, though free ranging electrical appliances tried to kill us. I was also terrified by the thought of spontaneous human combustion, rabies, the Bermuda Triangle and quicksand. We were always taught not to go off with strangers and tried not to get run over.

I grew up in the 70's and 80's, parents allowed their children to use their imagination far more than today. During summer we went on holiday for a week, went on a "big" day trip (usually Thorpe Park) then a couple of trips to parks out of area, maybe local park 2-3 times but mostly we played at home, quarrelled, hung out with cousins etc.

My own kids are now grown and I followed a similar pattern except we could afford 2 weeks of holidays, usually abroad.

Parks is an odd one - as I remember wondering why we weren't going more often as a child - one in village Mum took against though now takes sister kids there - and a huge one in nearby town next to library which was great but was a rare treat - these days it a shadow of what it once was.

When we were young paternal grandparents use to take us to park on visits - by teen years despite much younger sibling they stopped. Weekends were often homework and long drives to grandparent houses where we had to sit still and be quiet.

Mine have been to so many parks all over the country- and visits to GP for them involve more than sitting down and listening.

Pretty sure my mother saw me as a human being, just a little one that didn't get a say in how the family was run and rightly so. Just because we weren't the centre of the universe and our mums didn't believe they had given birth to the second messiah doesn't mean we weren't loved and well cared for.
As for manners, we had plenty unlike too many of todays children.

@HarrytheHobbit
‘spontaneous human combustion’
Yeah, that was an ever present terror lurking at the back of the mind in the ‘80’s, wasn’t it?
One minute you would be sitting in the armchair or paddling on the beach, and the next ‘whoosh’, nothing but a pile of smouldering ash.

Kids today, eh? Don’t know they’re born ( though I suppose the free ranging fridge could come to the rescue if you were on fire).

exactly this ! 🤣

Hi OP, I'd actually say number of kids is a factor - it sounds like you were one of a few siblings, your DD is an only child, right?

When I just had my first child, it was exhausting entertaining him constantly. Having our second (with a 3 year age gap) means that they are now able to amuse each other for hours with minimal adult input.

I work FT but from home, and am really lucky that my job lets us work from abroad with line manager approval - so currently in the 4th (last) week of our family holiday in Spain where I took the first week and this one as A/L but "worked" the middle 2 weeks... The kids have been in the pool and at the beach most days, playing and making lovely memories, without much input from my DH who has been kicking back with podcasts and the odd cold cerveza...

So IMHO I think that the ratio of "go and play" vs "structured activity" parenting is most likely due to sibling numbers and each parent's personal comfort levels, as opposed to huge social shifts? But I might well be wrong and it is an interesting question.

Honestly the biggest difference for me from my own 80s childhood is how much crapper the UK summer weather is now. We always used to get a couple of good hot weeks out of the 6 week holiday - now it's a sunny day here and there... I'm not going to plan a UK staycation again as it's just too consistently miserable! I always remember Cornwall being sunny in August when I was little!

I was an 80s mum! DCs were born in the early 80s. I left work before DC1 was born and didn't return to paid work until DC2 was 8.
When they were babies/toddlers, I didn't drive so the options for going out were limited to the distance we could walk. I used to take them to the local playground and to friends houses to play - and their friends would come to our house as well (called a play date nowadays, I think).

Both DCs went to a playgroup when they turned 3, a few mornings a week until they started school.

Once they were at school there was less time during the day for us to do anything, but we often did baking and crafts or played board games. We used to put on a record or a cassette and play dancing or acting. My DCs used to love The Carnival of the Animals and Peter and the Wolf, for example, as well as the usual children's songs.

We had very little money to spare, so almost all of our activities were those that had no cost attached.

I know what you mean about parents nowadays seeming to do a lot more entertaining of their children than my generation did. I agree. I don't think it's necessary to provide non-stop activities. I think you could allow yourself a break from time to time and the children will find their own things to do. Boredom will drive them to make their own entertainment!

It's interesting because, when I was a young mum, I thought I was very hands-on and I know I was doing a lot more with my children than my parents did with my sisters and me.
My father only ever played with us during our annual summer holiday fortnight. For the other 50 weeks, he was either at work or busy in the garden or reading the newspaper or listening to the wireless and we were not allowed to disturb him.
My mother never played with us ever, not even on holiday. She was always up to her eyeballs in the drudgery of housework and was too exhausted to care what we girls were getting up to (I can reveal that it was usually mischief!).

Each generation brings its own challenges, I think. We all do what feels like the best thing at the time.

I’m the same age as you and I remember being taken to the park etc. Play dates weren’t a thing though. You decided for yourself whose house you wanted to visit and asked permission.
Or you amused yourself (i.e. watched the telly). Spent a lot of time riding your bike although you weren’t allowed to go far (or I wasn’t anyway) for fear of cars.

My mom was a single mother however so I don’t think she had it easy (it was my grandparents who took me to the park)

Re going to the park - in the 60s as a small child I was taken to the park. In the 70s I went with neighbourhood kids. It wasn’t my favourite activity, the slide was really high and felt dangerous. Much preferred playing with friends in our garden or theirs.

Yes! I remember playing about Rabies and quicksand. Must have been a film or something. Born 1971.

I grew up in the 60s. My mother didn't work until I was 7. We were never entertained but played with all the children on the street and in the woods nearby. Had dens there and would disappear all day.
We had a week at the seaside every year but never went abroad. My grandmother must have looked after us some of the time but a lot we were home alone.
My parents had very busy social lives and were seldom both at home in the evening.
We had a tv and watched a bit at 5pm. I read a lot and went to the library 2 or 3 times a week.
I tried to do things differently for my DC who were born in the 90s.

I couldn't disagree more. I was born in 1965 and had so much freedom as a kid. I appreciate we didn't have screens and tech like today but after breakfast, we were gone entertaining ourselves. No way would I have wanted to spend any time at home with my parents

I have grandkids now and I pity their childhoods compared to mine, even though materially, that have so much more, we were so much happier and well balanced

1950s born, and grew up in Cornwall. A village on the coast, so no parks, not many buses but a beach, rowing boats, cliffs and what's now the coastal path. We roamed all over, especially in summer and in dry weather without much supervision although every adult felt free to tell us off or warn of dangers. Out to play after breakfast, home for lunch, out again and back for tea. TV didn't start until 4.00 and there were only two channels. The cinema was 15 miles away and most of the time my dad took the family car to work, so we went about once each holiday, and often as a grandparent treat but as they lived 200 or more miles away (it was six hours to Bristol then; and nine to the Midlands) there was no grandparent care.

But we did what my mum needed to get done without expecting to be entertained. And sometimes we got into difficulties. I vividly recall sitting on a hedge for two hours waiting for a hostile boar to get bored with us; it didn't so we walked along the top of the hedge until we could scramble into the next field.

I recognise this. Although my mum was very busy and took care of us well. I also remember my dad being, I think, a typical 70s dad; like that Micky Flanagan sketch where dads do ‘proper FA’. He used to just lie on the sofa watching sport all weekend.

I’m 10 years older than you OP and I don’t remember my mum taking us anywhere really, unless it was somewhere she wanted to go like a shop or church fete.

We played out in the street all day and went off to the cinema and swimming pool on our own very young. I’d prob have been 5ish and my brother 8. We were happy enough but that seems absurd these days.

@HarrytheHobbit quicksand! I had forgotten that. Everyone was terrified of it, wonder why 🤣