My childhood summers versus my DD’s

[Waitingforseptembernow]

I was born late 70’s, young childhood in the 80’s, teenager in the 90’s
During summer, us kids were left to our own devices, I can’t remember my mum taking us to the park/playground much (very occasionally on a Sunday with my dad)
She never set up activities, did crafts, only baking at Christmas when I helped her make mince pies. Dinner was only made from scratch on a Sunday maybe-roast, lasagna…during the week it was Findus crispy pancakes, chips & beans, salads in summer. My mum didn’t work, I remember she cleaned more than I do (I have a cleaner as hate cleaning and want to spend my time with Dd)
This is not a slagging off my mum post as she is lovely, just a comparison in the effort maybe in parenting then versus now, does anyone feel the same?
I arrange play dates for Dd, we go to the playgrounds, beach, parks, picnics, I do crafts, baking, days out, I’m not complaining, it’s my choice and I enjoy it (I’m very tired though!) just wondering why it’s so different now to then? Did mum’s generally not think or want to do all these things?
I want to be an 80’s mum!

I disagree, I feel that my generation (born early 80s and similar experience than OP) was more polite than today’s children and more resilient/resourceful.
We were happy, I don’t remember anybody not wanting to go to school or being fussy with food (allergies excluded). We weren’t always thrilled but it was maybe easier to take things as they came because we weren’t used to being given a choice or alternatives, whereas today we (including me!) tend to ask our DC what they want to eat / do fairly frequently - which is good - but then when we want to impose something it doesn’t go down that well.
Even today at work, people in their 20s are not as hard working than we were at the beginning of our careers.

That’s just classic ‘I remember it this way so that’s how it was’ though.

There were plenty of badly behaved children, plenty of fussy eaters, plenty of social and economic problems.

I do recall a lot of injuries among our gang of kids in the 80s. There was always someone with a broken arm or leg, someone with stitches in their forehead etc.

1970s child, 80s teenager, I was out from around 7 or 8, allowed in sight of house and as I got older allowed further. and further than they knew about I roamed all day, taking picnics, out on my bike, playing games or calling for friends. Wet days, I stayed home and read books. TV was limited, holiday tv- Why Don't You, Banana splits, The Monkees, Belle and Sebastian, Swiss Family Robinson, Red Hand Gang etc and childrens tv in the afternoon.
We had a week at Butlins in May and a day trip during holidays.
My own DC (80/90s) started going out from 8 or 9, although not in quite the same way as me, but met up with friends, more during holidays.
Camping holidays, hiking trips and days out to the beach or country parks were normal for us.
Playdates had started then, as friends often weren't out.
Grandchildren are not allowed out of sight of their mother. ( not my DD) Everything is organised for them.

I dont recognise your current life. As most parents now dont see much of their kids as they are always working while kids are at school and nursery and holiday clubs.
They do arrange play dates but its kids they like or parents they know etc.
And try to car share everywhere so dont have to stay at kids parties.
Some kids dont cope with doing too much. So cant do loads of craft and baking and trips every day.

There are kids locally who play at the park all day and frankly it seems to be the point at which boys behaviour deteriorates

Yes I think we all remember the good bits I know I've blocked out a lot of the bad!
I was born in 82.. My parents had 7 children. Dad worked and my Mam worked part time when I started school. Summers were basically "Is it raining"? No? Off you go see you at 6pm!

We got into some dodgy situations doing the most stupid stuff. I remember being about 10 and a few of us opened and climbed into a man hole in a new build estate.. We used to play chicken on the busy main road.. 3 of us on a bike speeding down a hill and colliding with a parked car. I got concussion from that one!

There were a lot of lovely summer days though. Trips to the beach.. community days out to Butlins/amusement parks.

We were wild though. My DC are the complete opposite

I was born in 1975. My Mum worked part-time, my Sister and I had a childminder, although the term childminder wasn't used then, she was just Auntie Barker. My Dad worked very standard 9-5 hours and was always around at the weekend, Mum sometimes worked Saturday mornings. We were taken on holiday every Summer and had a few holidays abroad, recognise that we were very fortunate. The rest of the time, like you say during the Summer holidays it was a case of helping out at home and organising our own entertainment, although they did give me lifts to friends houses etc. I also did Brownies/St Johns Ambulance. My parents were on the protective side for the times, but we still did a lot of playing outside and did things like going to the shop at an earlier age than kids today. We didn't rule the roost though, we fitted in with our parents, if they needed to go shopping, on errands etc, we went too. Typically Friday afternoon was helping my Mum with the weekly shop when she finished work, my Dad had the car so it had to be carried home.

TBH I think the world has gone mad and we've ended up with a generation of snowflake kids who are going to have a huge shock when they realise the world doesn't revolve around them. I had my kids in 2007 and 2010, I was a SAHM for a short time then started freelancing working around them, my younger one went to nursery 4 mornings a week from 2 and a half. My husband worked shifts and we had no family support, so it was the sensible option. My kids did mainly do organised activities when they were little, football camps etc, but these days they do their own thing during the holidays, my older one works. Cause I don't drive, they have been very savvy about getting around on the buses etc from a younger age, we live in South London.

I hope that there is some sort of balance for the next generation of children, really feel as if everyone has lost their way.

I completely agree that children are over-occupied these days; helicopter parents, hundreds of after-school activities, and the ever-present screen to blame.

It makes me a little worried.

WRT statistics, we have seen significant increases in anxiety and depression, as well as suicide, among teens and young people. I think these dangers are very real and in part attributable to the sort of childhood many experience these days (lack of freedom and independence, over-reliance on screens and virtual interactions, etc.). Some parents seem to raise their children in fear of extremely unlikely events (e.g., abduction by a stranger), rather than weighing reasonable risks and benefits.

I was born very end of 80s so my childhood was 90s and a teen in the 2000s.

We had a 2 week U.K. seaside holiday every summer and spent the rest of the holidays playing out in the street with the neighbour kids - rounders, football, loads of chase games.

We used to walk to the library and choose our own books. I read absolutely loads.

We had free access to the tv but obviously in the days before iPlayer etc kids programmes were only on in the mornings during the holidays. We used to get up early and make our own breakfast to watch the cartoons.

We had the odd day out with cousins but like pps have said my (single) was just busy with housework and siblings and I entertained ourselves. I loved it! Would love to create the same for our kids.

@newleafontheplantjohn I could have written so much of your post, my mum was also emotionally distant (and physically-no real hugs, I love you’s etc-although she does do that now)
I can’t remember her ever really talking to me about things…school, friends, anything

@Waitingforseptembernow you and I are the very same generation.

Home when hungry or when the street lights came on.

Visits to grans house so cousins could all entertain each other.

No tv on during the day.

Dad at work Mon - Fri and golf at the wkends . Stay at home housewife mum.

No eleventy billion activities or gadgets and if you wanted a play date - you made pals with the kids in the street!

That’s sad and I can see why you feel the way you do about your childhood. I grew up in the 90s and we were also left to it. I had a wild, carefree and independent childhood. My mum was very loving though and enjoyed spending time with us when we were back home for dinner after a full day playing out unsupervised.

I wish I could give my children the unstructured freedom that I had to play out and explore the local world without adult supervision.

@Waitingforseptembernow yes, no physical affection from my mum. She would write "I love you" a lot in little cards, but struggles face to face.

She didn't have a great childhood and think she is very emotionally distant from everybody and struggles to show affection. The result is that I am also quite like that. I would love to have come from an affectionate family, as it looks so easy for those who have been brought up like that to be like that with people their whole lives. Whereas I feel quite awkward hugging friends etc.

However, my mum is a very involved gran, she loves my kids and is very affectionate with them (as am I). My kids are the only people she seems comfortable being affectionate towards.

I had a fabulously feral childhood from an early age

Despite flashers in the local park no one did a thing to stop

We were lucky nothing happened to us but it must have to some DC we know nothing about

Maddy disappeared 3 days after my DD was born and everything changed after that

Parents became much more involved than ever before

Why can't you give your children that sort of childhood?

I don't mean that as an accusation, just a genuine question.

Most definitely.

Not sure which junior school teacher it was but we had to sit in the school TV room and watch one or two public information films before we watched our schools program.
Anyway one was about not climbing into a fridge on a rubbish dump. This was in an area of London where you needed a car to get to the nearest rubbish tip and at the time where no one fly tipped as if you have the council bin men a few quid they would come and take your bulky waste/items away. Others were to do with not touching/climbing on pylons and playing on railway lines. I eventually found out where the nearest pylons were - in the next borough in one of their parks.

I grew up on a farm and we never worried about any of this. My DB and I used to stand on the tractor hydraulics or on the tow bar between the tractor and trailer when my DF drove the tractor - he was fully aware of what we were doing though… we also used to sit at the back of his lvan with the doors open and our legs sticking out into the road, once when I had a broken ankle my cast got caught on the underside of the bumper as he was reversing which was scary but my DF heard my shout and stopped. Lots of fun at the time but my DCs would do these things over my dead body.

I had a 70s mum. She literally never stopped. She worked part time, and did everything in the home. My dad worked long hours in a manual job but did nothing else domestically other than the garden. They were both constantly busy and tired.
My mum did all the shopping (on foot with a shopping trolly, about three times a week as no car) all the cooking from scratch and with no convenience. I remember turning the handle on the mincer before we could have cottage pie. Washing was done in twin tubs and took forever. She also knitted our jumpers, sewed clothes on an old singer, and darned socks.
The very idea of expecting either of my parents to spend their extremely limited non busy time on 'activities' with me, would have been ridiculous. I cooked with my mum and knitted and sewed with her, but as a chore to help, not as play. The occasional Sunday we would go to a local common and my dad would play football with us.
I was a 90s mum who worked part time, with a husband who cooked and did other chores. I had plenty of time and spare cash to sit with a coffee watching the DC at soft play, or hang out with other mums at playgrounds or jump in the car to meet another family at the zoo or swimming baths.
I don't know about 80s mums, but it was easier from my experience in the 90s than the 70s.

I’d love to be able to give my dc that sort of freedom as well. I can only speak for myself but some of the reasons it’s not possible for me:
There are hardly any other kids allowed out alone for her to play with and the odd ones that are stick out like sore thumbs.
Dd is an only child, no siblings to mind her or strength in numbers
Most households, both parents are working so kids are in childcare for most of the summer, after school etc.
Years ago when a lot of women were at home with kids, they knew each other and kept a sort of communal eye on each other’s children. This doesn’t exist anymore where I’m from at least. Communities have fundamentally changed.
There is a general expectation that children are closely supervised these days, if anything happened to them you could easily be accused of neglect
loads more cars around than there used to be
And lastly, while I enjoyed the freedom of playing out as a kid, I also had some very, very dodgy experiences that there’s no way I would want my dd to go through.

Every year I light a candle for each of my acquaintances who died in fridge and oven related incidents during the 1980s.

It doesn’t take that long.

I was born mid 80s. My mother worked as a primary teacher. We always went away as a family for 3 weeks of the holiday. The rest of the time i remember my parents being engaged parents, we were taken to parks or Castles, to visit friends or family. But i do also remember that we were allowed to play out more freely than kids now. There was an open green space near the house and we were always off there or playing in the woods. Older siblings were expected to allow younger ones to tag along.

I do think there are more only kids now which means they are bored and expect parents to play with them. Also bigger age gaps. Children 4 or 5 years apart don't play so well as when the gaps are more like 2 years which was the common gap back then.

When i was growing up 2 kids was a smaller family, 3 children was more common and 4 was not that unusual. Now in my eldest school class of 30 theres only 4 families with more than two children.

My dc do have a similar childhood to my 80s/90s upbringing. They're not allowed as far as I was and of course there are phones etc now but it's really not that different. They play out with friends on the street, or in each others houses and gardens, and sometimes walk further to play at the park or go swimming. They eat much the same food as I did, go to bed at a similar time, and even play the same games like handstand competitions, kerby edge, how long can you hold your breath, thumb wars, card games, dots and squares etc. They also have to do the same chores and earn money by going to the shop for bread and milk or doing household jobs and making cups of tea.