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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

182 replies

DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:05

I just feel like couples getting married can't get anything right,

Before the day the guest list is scrutinised, the wedding party, the delegation of work, where they've chosen to get married, the cost etc ( this is a big one, lots of guests moan about the cost to attend a wedding but would they rather not be invited then? It's a wedding and it's costing the bride and groom or bride and bride / groom and groom also ), the food variety etc when asked to pick a meal. I am at an age lots of people are getting married around me and I have also and people can't help but make comments. Often they aren't directly to the couple but around them, to others etc. It seems what is meant to be such a lovely day is often picked apart for no good reason. Out of interest have you ever yourself or ever heard anyone moan about the following:

-the food
-kids / no kids
-which part of the day you're invited to
-the choice of wedding location
-the cost
-the seating plan
-your or someone else not being a part or a wedding party when you suspected they would be
-rhe music
-the weather ( this one gets me! )
-the temperature of the venue
-the seating plan
-hiw the brdiesmaids looked
-the order of the day
-the organisation of the day
-anything else

I list the above because they're all moans I've heard!

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 09/08/2024 18:07

I think some people should just accept that they fundamentally hate weddings and not go rather than moan. I've been to one wedding which I moaned about a lot and in hindsight I should have sacked it off.

Original poster
DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:09

WhatNoRaisins · 09/08/2024 18:07

I think some people should just accept that they fundamentally hate weddings and not go rather than moan. I've been to one wedding which I moaned about a lot and in hindsight I should have sacked it off.

I agree! Out of interest what is it you hated about it?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 09/08/2024 18:11

I think along with the general upscaling of events, perhaps some people forget the real meaning of a wedding.

CheeseWisely · 09/08/2024 18:11

I've moaned about a wedding after the fact (not enough seats at the ceremony for all the guests, too hot to move and all outdoors so no air-con escape, transport laid on was an absolute shit-show...) but never in advance.

If I didn't want to go for some reason I simply wouldn't go, but by and large I love weddings.

invisiblecat · 09/08/2024 18:15

Wedding guests have to put up with a lot when it comes to the endless nonsense that is the average wedding.

OhmygodDont · 09/08/2024 18:16

You’ll never please everyone regardless.

But of course people might want to celebrate your happy day but it doesn’t mean it might not be expensive or way out of the way and the hotels/receptions food could be pants even if you’ve picked food options the caterer could be crap in the end.

Weddings have become this big show of perfection which honestly are very very rarely perfect. When weddings where simpler does people didn’t expect so much so there wasn’t anything to complain about as such. But let’s face it being left waiting around for an hour while a million posed photos are taken is shit for the guests no.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/08/2024 18:19

DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:09

I agree! Out of interest what is it you hated about it?

Show quote history

The fact that it was a Monday and a distance wedding for most people requiring a hotel stay and we were just chucked out of the reception at 4pm and expected to find our own dinner. It felt like a rude way to treat travelling guests.

I don't think anything good came out me going begrudgingly.

needhelpwiththisplease · 09/08/2024 18:20

People moan because weddings are boring and expensive.
They are normally very formal and the catering is usually crap and the venue is normally very expensive.

betterangels · 09/08/2024 18:20

invisiblecat · 09/08/2024 18:15

Wedding guests have to put up with a lot when it comes to the endless nonsense that is the average wedding.

Agree which I why I declined the last couple of invitations. It's such faff and expensive to attend. The last one we waited hours for the food because of picture taking. I was done. Five years down the line, and they're splitting up.

BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 09/08/2024 18:22

It's a bit like baby names, love them or hate them, you make your choices when it's your turn.

Sapphire387 · 09/08/2024 18:25

We tried to have a really low key wedding and we still had weird dramas from family members making it all about themselves.

My personal highlights were my mother claiming she'd have a heart attack due to us having the reception in a restaurant in a tall building. And my in-laws throwing a sulk because we'd presented the planned wedding as a fait accompli and they had no say over anything. Plus apparently we weren't enthusiastic enough about them being there because they live a long way away and we'd said we'd love to have them there but equally it was very small and low-key so no pressure to make such a big journey... we thought we were being considerate but apparently not.

For reference, we are a blended family with multiple background traumas so we really were just trying to have a quiet day and make it good for the kids too.

HowIrresponsible · 09/08/2024 18:26

My sister faffed around for what seemed like hours having stupid photos taken after the wedding. Some with a real cake, some with a sham cake, etc etc etc etc

She left her guests with nothing to eat or drink or do in that time and the meal wasn't for a while.

Guests were standing around visibly pissed off and one said is anyone going to get this show on the road.

LoneHydrangea · 09/08/2024 18:28

I find weddings an absolute bore. I might roll my eyes at things I hear - general ‘bridezilla’ type things such as guests’ outfit colour themes, instructions to not post photos…but the only thing I really hate is a cutesy little request for cash. I would never do this in a million years.

CheeseWisely · 09/08/2024 18:32

On a related note I'm always baffled by the uniquely MN trope of listing the cost of new outfits in the cost to a guest of attending a wedding, as if there's some law that dictates everyone must be wearing something brand new.

I've bought a new dress for a wedding a couple of times when I've felt like it; other times I've just worn something I already own. I have even been known to wear the same dress, at the same venue, at weddings just a few weeks apart. No overlap in guests and I doubt very much the staff noticed or cared. DH has been wearing the same suit for years.

KatyaKabanova · 09/08/2024 18:33

LlynTegid · 09/08/2024 18:11

I think along with the general upscaling of events, perhaps some people forget the real meaning of a wedding.

This is the problem.

KatyaKabanova · 09/08/2024 18:36

Photos take far too long and you're just hanging around. The speeches are usually too long as well.
Often the food is poor.
You should have a celebration which includes the guests, so make sure you feed and water them and they have somewhere comfy to sit and they're not standing around for hours.

noctilucentcloud · 09/08/2024 18:37

I have had a discrete grumble after a wedding but not to the bride & groom or their family or close friends. I've been to one where there just wasn't enough food and some folk didn't get any, and a wedding where there were so many photos 90% of folk stood around for ages twiddling their thumbs bored, and one where the cheapest item on the gift list was way more than I could afford. But I don't see how having a minor grumble after to friends is any different to saying to folk about a party or concert or meal out. It's just letting off some steam. I think sometimes folk getting married forget that although it's a super important day for them, for others it's less so. It's nice to see friends/family get married and I enjoy celebrating with them, but it's never going to be one of my important days when I look back at my life.

2AND2GC · 09/08/2024 18:40

I think you're right.

If you have a wedding on a budget people are sniffy and think it's naff and you're tight. If you go all out then people are bitchy 'It's such a lot for one day'.

If I was getting married again I'd have a really simple church service for close family and friends only, followed by a lunch. Go away for a little honeymoon and then have a party one evening for wider friends IF we could be bothered and wanted to spend the money.

TeenToTwenties · 09/08/2024 18:40

I went to a fab wedding today. Parked in my car while DD was doing an exam, clicked on a link and enjoyed the wedding.

Original poster
DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:41

needhelpwiththisplease · 09/08/2024 18:20

People moan because weddings are boring and expensive.
They are normally very formal and the catering is usually crap and the venue is normally very expensive.

This is what I mean though? This is a horrible way to talk about what takes a great amount of planning and effort and money from the couple.

OP posts:
BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 09/08/2024 18:43

DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:41

This is what I mean though? This is a horrible way to talk about what takes a great amount of planning and effort and money from the couple.

Show quote history

But they quite frequently are boring though

AuntieStella · 09/08/2024 18:50

I doubt very much anyone would be so rude as to complain about a wedding in RL.

But in the anonymity of MN, it's possible to talk about what has gone well/badly, and when people are seeking comments on their nascent plans, to tell them straight what they've liked and not liked.

That's a far cry from hating weddings in general, or refusing to make an effort for their nearest and dearest.

And I've never heard anyone moan about the whole list in OP about one wedding. But spread across all the weddings that one has ever been to, there's bound to have been some where criticism on a couple of the points is fair comment.

betterangels · 09/08/2024 18:50

DebateWithMoi · 09/08/2024 18:41

This is what I mean though? This is a horrible way to talk about what takes a great amount of planning and effort and money from the couple.

Show quote history

Doesn’t mean it's not often accurate.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/08/2024 18:50

I think you have to be a bit cynical about weddings, they are a bit dull, rather tedious and often tacky but if I've been reasonably hosted and had a chance to catch up with people I've not seen in a while I'll happily overlook that. It's only the unreasonable requests or expectations that annoy me.

KatyaKabanova · 09/08/2024 18:52

It doesn't matter if it's not perfect, or if it doesn't go on all night. Just make sure people are looked after and can have a good time. I've been to some really good, low cost weddings.