To think that couples getting married are overly criticised by other people?

[DebateWithMoi]

I just feel like couples getting married can't get anything right,

Before the day the guest list is scrutinised, the wedding party, the delegation of work, where they've chosen to get married, the cost etc ( this is a big one, lots of guests moan about the cost to attend a wedding but would they rather not be invited then? It's a wedding and it's costing the bride and groom or bride and bride / groom and groom also ), the food variety etc when asked to pick a meal. I am at an age lots of people are getting married around me and I have also and people can't help but make comments. Often they aren't directly to the couple but around them, to others etc. It seems what is meant to be such a lovely day is often picked apart for no good reason. Out of interest have you ever yourself or ever heard anyone moan about the following:

-the food
-kids / no kids
-which part of the day you're invited to
-the choice of wedding location
-the cost
-the seating plan
-your or someone else not being a part or a wedding party when you suspected they would be
-rhe music
-the weather ( this one gets me! )
-the temperature of the venue
-the seating plan
-hiw the brdiesmaids looked
-the order of the day
-the organisation of the day
-anything else

I list the above because they're all moans I've heard!

This charade just resulted in complete and utter confusion on the day. And the couple didn’t actually ever acknowledge that they were already married. Was so odd. But they got the big presents and the insta worthy photos 😆

You don't have to invite people to be with you when you get married, but if you do, then you should treat them as guests, not an audience.

This,

I think at this point it’s worth pointing out even the royals don’t bother entertaining people all day. They have a wedding usually late morning - one set of guests. Some of those will be invited back for a meal (not all). Then that ends, guests leave, then come back (in new outfit) for evening party with some additional evening guests.

I reckon most on MN would explode with rage at Kate and Wills’ rudeness of wanting their guests to just be props and not looking after them properly all day….

For their wedding id like the evening only invite. The actual fun stuff away from
the cameras 😅

My Auntie who lives further away moaned to my dad on the day about having to pay for parking at the hotel she was staying in!!! I mean honestly did she expect that whole wedding to travel to her?!

Of course she didn’t! She just wanted a whinge about the unexpected extra bill for parking. I’ve never come across a hotel that has a separate parking charge, and would also have been a bit taken aback, and don’t see anything wrong with having a quick petty gripe to my sibling about it (I’m assuming this aunt is your dads sister)

It's a bit different though, because the royals have many people they must invite for political reasons.

In our extended family we don't split guests into A and B levels; everyone is invited to everything. No matter how people justify it, telling people they are only worth the evening do definitely sends a message.

The way to plan a wedding is to first decide who to invite, and then decide where you can accommoate them and what you can afford to serve them. Better to invite everyone to the ceremony and afternoon tea with a glass of champagne, done and dusted by 5pm, than to put on a big "dream wedding at dream venue" meal for the select few and let the dregs come hours later in the evening for a slice of pizza. At least, that is how we see it. We don't let guests pay for their drinks or wait around for photography, either.

I think as most peoples lives have changed the costs and time taken up by weddings has increased so much.
it used to be an afternoon and evening, usually going from home. Possibly an evening out for a hen locally.

now it can be multiple days away, hours of waiting…

mostly I’m pissed if I end up hungry which has happened multiple times. Americans deal with the wait by doing drinks and snacks.

I did enjoy them when I was young and it was a good meet up. The older you get it changes and you know few people and honestly the idea of a disco now is hell.

we do have a wedding to go with and we have been sent a link to upload photos and a bio of ourselves, we’ve ignored it.

Okay but why moan about it to the father of the bride on his daughter’s wedding day?!? It was rude and he was annoyed - it wasn’t our fault she picked a hotel where you had to pay, there were other options she could have booked. It’s just moaning for the sake of it

Just don't spend ages on the photos.
And have drinks/canapés during the photos.
My top tips! You're welcome

Upload photos and bios??? That truly takes the cake.

The wedding industry certainly does a number on people.

The best wedding I attended, a friend had a fairly substantial greenhouse built in her garden and invited people to come for drinks and snacks to see it. It was a long-held dream of hers so we suspected nothing, showed up with a small gift. She was in jeans and a pink T-shirt with flowers printed on it.

As she came up to greet us she flashed her shiny new gold wedding band. They had been married privately that morning at a local chapel, only parents and siblings (about 8 people) attending, and then come home to lay out tons of food and drink and get that party started. People from all of their areas of life - friends, families, neighbours, co-workers, hobby pals, the postman, local shopkeepers, you name it, all had been invited to stop in at their convenience.

It was so fun, such a nice surprise. No faffing about gifts, registry, hen do, stag do, etc. - they wanted to be married so they got married, privately and romantically. People came and went in a steady stream. And no standing around starving waiting endlessly for the bride and groom to show up. They were already there serving the drinks!

That sounds fabulous BettyBardMacDonald and a proper day to remember for everyone.

I enjoyed the wedding of DH’s nephew in July. It was low-key and fun. What is making me feel mildly murderous, though, is the sheer numbers of heavily staged and photoshopped photos still appearing on Instagram now, more than six weeks later. I think the official photographer ones came back a couple of weeks ago, and I swear there are ten or more posted daily. Today and yesterday were The Bride At Her Mirror, The Bride In the Bath Drinking Champagne, Looking Excited, The Bride Staring Mistily At Her Dress, The Bride Smiling at her Tiara, Surrounded by Adoring Bridesmaids, The Bride and the Mother of the Bride Holding Hankies etc etc.

It was, @SadOrWickedFairy Really a fun and low-stress time for all. She's one of those super organized people so had already printed out photos from the ceremony and put them around for people to see. (She wore a pretty knee-length floral dress for the ceremony).

There was so much food and drink she was sending containers home with everyone, rather than people ready to gnaw on a twig to ease their hunger or only getting three canapes apiece.

Even their dog's veterinarian stopped in, and our old boss from 20 years prior.

I agree! So rude. People need to understand that just because something annoys you doesn't mean you should moan about it. Just try keeping your mouth shut lol. I'd be so unimrpessed with that family member.

OP, we did the exact opposite of a big wedding. 2 witnesses. Nearly a decade on and people haven't stopped complaining. Couples should have the wedding they want, other people will come if they want to, and may or may not enjoy themselves. You can't keep everyone happy, but people equally don't have to pretend that every wedding they attend is the best day ever.

The food
-kids / no kids
-the choice of wedding location
-the seating plan
-you r someone else not being a part or a wedding party when you suspected they would be.

These are the ones people moaned about with our wedding. One relative gave me absolute hell over the seating plan. They randomly wanted to be on the top table.

I know now they didn’t care about me or love you in anyway. I wish I'd told them to fuck off. I didn't seat them on the top table though. It gave me a lot of stress in the build up to the wedding day. Plus they didn’t hold their tongue on the day. Imagine having a go at a bride twice on her wedding day!

Dh were paying for our wedding. Not that that should make a difference to the level of respect shown to us, but stil - You'd think people could hold back and let us enjoy it. It makes me sad to think about.

This only affected me as the bride but I really regret having those getting ready photos. I wasn't even keen at the time but caved into the pressure of "it's expected". It just made getting ready more stressful and being photographed getting zipped into my dress wasn't for me.

Some people seem to think their wedding is a massive deal for everyone and should be prioritised.

Expecting guests to take annual leave, to spend hundreds or thousands on stag and hen do's, outfits to fit a specific dress code, travel, accommodation and gifts is entitled and selfish. If guests do go along with it then they should absolutely get an amazing experience, good food, good entertainment, good accommodation etc

I don't really understand why people want big weddings, it's not my cup of tea, which is why DH and I eloped. We wanted to be married but had no interest in a wedding. We wouldn't go to a wedding that was excessively expensive or time consuming to attend, thankfully my friends and family are similarly minded and weddings we have been invited to have been local, in registry offices or small churches, with simple dinners and a DJ into the evening. No expectations or delusions of grandeur.

I don't think travel can always be avoided for people that don't live near most of their families and friends. I've less sympathy for couples that pick some location hours from everyone including themselves for aesthetic reasons.

The last wedding I went to was that of two widowed people marrying each other. It was held in the local church with the reception in the village hall next door, moving across to one of the local pubs in the evening. It was a really simple affair, nothing fancy, and nobody moaned because it was really easy to attend. Most wedding attendees would take a homemade buffet in a village hall over something involving travel and a hotel stay every time.

Best wedding reception I attended was a family buffet in the village hall with a low key disco and bring a bottle
it was fab

Weddings are rubbish and I’ll never attend another one. Boring and expensive.

No way would Kate and William's guests be left standing around for hours without anything to eat or drink and nowhere to sit whilst Kate and William posed up a storm for endless photographs. I would bet that Kate and William spent less time with photographers that many a non royal bride and groom.

Kate and William's guests will have been well fed, well catered for, looked after properly and not used as props, what a ridiculous notion.

People want to go to weddings to celebrate with the bride and groom, to be a part of the day and are happy to do so what they don't want is to be used as bit part players or extras and treated as if they are an inconvenience and last on the list of priorities.

The thing I personally found really tedious about weddings was the vast amount of utter trivia I was expected to care about. Dresses, bridesmaids dresses, table settings, bridal register, who sits where, where people are going to stay.

It goes on for months before the wedding and renders otherwise intelligent people incapable of having a conversation about anything interesting.

I am fundamentally not interested in weddings. They are just a part of life and I will happily go along and play my part in the whole thing but I really don’t want to be expected to care about whether the trim on the bridesmaids dress matches the cards or where Great Uncle George is staying.

I just resent the fact that they turn people into zombies who care about what is fundamentally a naff and grotesquely expensive party.

@SadOrWickedFairy - the guests who had a full day invite to all 3 bits had several hours when they were expected to go away (and get changed for the evening do). They did have a drinks reception while they had photos done, but I’m guessing the guests were interesting enough that you wouldn’t mind standing around making small talk with them in the same way!

I particularly like that all guests had to take their seats best part of an hour before the service. A non-royal bride would be dragged for that!! imagine the threads on here.