To not want his mum’s ring?

[DianaBlackCat]

My boyfriend and me have been discussing getting married. His mum passed away when he was young, and he has mentioned that when he proposes he wants me to have his mum’s engagement ring. As much as I like the sentiment and think it’s a special thing, I am mortified. The ring is really not my style, it’s old fashioned (not in a good way), and a very small diamond. It’s yellow gold solitaire, whereas I would like platinum band and a pear cut diamond. The cost of buying a new ring is not an issue.
More than that, I don’t want the worry of what would happen if it got stolen or lost, as it would be doubly upsetting for him to lose something so sentimental. The combination of me disliking its appearance combined with the worry of losing it, would make me not want to wear it at all. I can’t bear the thought of looking at something every day that just isn’t me.
AIBU? Should I suck it up? Or should I tell him that I would like my own ring?

Sorry but I think it's very rude and lacking in sentiment to reject such a thoughtful gesture, it's literally the most important thing he can do, passing on this most precious of item to you. You sound materialistic

Yes, just kick the can down the road and give the DD the problem 🤣
Why not accept it as the proposal ring and buy something she wants to wear every day . She can say she’s keeping the heirloom safe by not wearing it.

It doesn't mean she has to like it though!

Yes, just kick the can down the road and give the DD the problem 🤣
Exactly! 😉 it won't be a problem for her though, as she won't have to have it as her engagement ring. It'll just be her grandmother's ring.

Buying a separate ring is pointless, imo.

I'd say something along the lines of "I want to be part of the family story in my own right".
I'm currently wearing my grans wedding ring as my own is too tight in this heat. I am happy to wear it and feel close to her. But it's inscribed with her and my grandads initials, and the date they got married. It's her ring and symbolises her marriage, not mine.
One day when I'm gone and my grandchildren are helping sort through my things, the diamond ring DH bought me will be there, with the date of out engagement engraved on it. As will my mum's, my grandmothers and x2 great grandmothers rings. All their stories are side by side in my jewellery box. I don't want to be erased by being given a symbol of someone else's marriage to wear instead of my own. So I'm glad I have my own ring.

Someone will be along to tell me how materialistic I must be I'm sure 😂

Would he consider getting it made into something else? My Grans engagement ring was gathering dust. It didn't fit me or my Mum and it wasn't my kind of thing.

For my 40th birthday my Dad had it changed into a necklace. It's stunning as a necklace & it's something I wear a lot.

Hey, the gesture is commendable but Diplomacy is in order!!!!! Tell him youre excited to receive his mothers ring but you would be nervous to wear it for fear of damaging it due to its precious status. Then suggest getting a Ring which you can wear every day which you choose. Also : if you do end up wearing it , it needs to be cleansed of all psychic influence, though how thats done I forget.

This sums up how I feel as well-I wanted to create our own story.

Are you the same ring size as his mum was?
Thankfully i'm a different size to my partners mum, but do have a smoky quartz ring of hers she gave me, in a ring box as it doesn't fit! (i'm 2-3 sizes bigger than her)
If i was the same size as my own deceased mum i'd wear her rings, but i'm 3-4 sizes bigger than her, even though her rings aren't my "style".

All women have a pretty good idea what she wants as her enagement ring, and i think its absolutely fine to express that to our partners. For example, i'd want to pick my ring either myself or with my partner, rather than picked for me.

Surely someone even as we speak is writing a novel called The Curse of the Fuuuuugly Sapphire?

Ring can be resized quickly and inexpensively, so that would be be an issue.

Having an engagement ring you really actively dislike would be an issue for me!

Tell him you want a every day ring too. I have my original ring (bigger and more expensive) for special occasions and my cheaper ring for every day use.

Why do the OP's fiancés feelings count more than the OP's feelings? And why should she be saddled with a ring she hates for fear of upsetting him? Why must womens' feelings always be secondary to mens'? I'm sick to the back teeth of always being told to 'be kind' so that some man can get his own way yet again. And actually, have you considered that the reason he's so keen for her to have it is that it will save him from forking out for a new one? There are lots of good suggestions as to how the OP can gracefully circumnavigate this - giving the ring to a future daughter or other younger female relative is the way to go. And as for the OP being materialistic - well I rather think that it's always a good idea to have a decent bit of collateral to flog if the marriage all goes belly-up at some stage!

Gosh,you sound very cynical. I am not suggesting that one's feelings shouldn't be considered to be nore important than the others (man or woman). In the situation described by OP, I consider that it is a particularly sensitive situation due to his mum dying whilst he was very young.

Tell him your worries around losing it, and suggest keeping it for future children as a momento of their grandma.

And thank him for the honour. But you want singing that uniquely celebrates your love.

And for him check out lashbrook. I designed one and it was soo lovely.