To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

Is there a PC way of asking this? I'll admit, I have been caught myself, but I love to travel and love to hear people's 'backstories'.

Normally I try to err on the side of caution and ask where the accent is from as that's more of a universally accepted question. Obviously it fails when someone is not 'white', but has a British accent, yet you're still curious where their 'many generations ago family' were from.

Yep.

I live 200 miles away from where I grew up, both places have distinct accents. I regularly get "oh where's that accent from?". Which is fine, because I obviously did not originate in this area..

If someone said "oh where's that skin colour from", totally different.

I often get asked where I come from originally (or where I'm really from).
My adult son has literally never been asked.

If people think the reason for asking this question is because they are "just interested in other people", can they explain why there is this anomaly?

I'm sure it is nothing to do with the fact that my skin is brown and he passes as white.

I'm sorry, but to think you can look at someone and tell if they were born in this country or not is highly problematic. They may not be from your local area, but to think you can tell based on looks alone is wild.

This comment tells me you're who're British

Tbf, you can never guess with 100% accuracy but yes, if you were from an ethnic minority background you'd know that you can recognise people's wider descent at times.

To be fair, many people 'identify' as being from their parents or grandparents or even great grandparents home country so it can be a bit confusing.

I worked with a woman who told everyone she was Irish. She was born and brought up in Manchester, her mum was Irish. Another colleague told everyone she was Caribbean but she was again born and brought up in Manchester but had Caribbean parents.

Joe Biden tells everyone he's Irish because his great, great grandparents were Irish.

Like Joe Biden I also have Irish great great grandparents but I don't for a moment think that makes me Irish.

My question would be, what relationship do you have with them? Also, if someone is White and has a British accent, why wouldn't you think they could be from another country?

Yes! But if I tell you I'm from this country then that should be acceptable.

Well unfortunately you're wrong I'm Black British! Telling someone wider descent is different from knowing if someone was born here

I meet people and have friends with various skin tones, hair types etc. people born in the U.K. and otherwise. I meet them as people first and foremost. We have great and easy conversations. But I also have had in-depth conversations with my friends of colour about racism. Overt racism and the many micro aggressions they experience. I also think to deny the historical context is minimising something pretty huge.

Just like as someone born in England, I wouldn’t dream of minimising the awful impression the Welsh suffered at the hands of the Rnglush. Is an historical context.

Well unfortunately you're wrong I'm Black British! Telling someone wider descent is different from knowing if someone was born here

Oh ok, fair enough I misread. You can only guess place of birth by accent not appearance.

There are certain physical characteristics that give clues as to one’s ancestry. It does not tell you anything about where they were born, where they consider home, which lace they identify with as ‘being from’. And why is someone’s ancestry anyones business. Mines Scottish, but I was born in England but have lived way longer somewhere else. Where am I from?

Actually, accent doesn't tell you where someone was born.

My sister and I were born in the same hospital. When I was small, I spent a lot of time with my dad's family, who are from a different area to my mum's, so my accent is more like theirs. My sister was with my mums family, so she sounds more like the region we grew up in.

Just hearing us, you probably wouldn't even assume we were related, never mind that our place of birth was identical, by your logic.

Absolutely agree but it was an example of how enquiring a bit too closely where someone comes from can cause enormous fuss and trouble.

There are certain physical characteristics that give clues as to one’s ancestry. It does not tell you anything about where they were born, where they consider home, which lace they identify with as ‘being from’.

Yes. You can get a (strong) impression of where someone is raised from their accent and appearance. To me, born outside of the UK means raised there, too.

Simply being born in a country (leaving your mothers body) really isn't of any consequence.

Fair enough 🙂

But you’d still say you were from India and they would be satisfied with your answer.

Even if they wanted to know more about exactly what part of India etc that’s fine.

But if you said India and they kept asking for a different country, then it would be inappropriate.

If you knew their surname you might.

THIS!

It's racist because nobody asks white Londoners what their heritage is.

I'm from London and I live in Manchester. I've got a really strong accent, and upon meeting me for the first time people up here often ask where I'm from. I say 'London'. Nobody - literally nobody - ever says 'OK, but where are you from originally? Where are your parents from? What's your heritage, though?' because I'm white and it's therefore accepted by everyone I meet that I'm British. I've never once in my entire life had to explain my ancestry to anyone.

However, the 'But where are you really from?' or 'OK, but what's your actual heritage?' gets asked of Black and Asian people - people who talk in exactly the same accent and come from exactly the same city as I do - all the time. People might not mean it to be racist at all, but the fact remains that if you only ask a question of someone because you've noticed their skin's not white, you are treating them differently from white people and suggesting that 'I'm from London' isn't a good enough answer when it comes from someone who's Black or Asian. If you are treating someone differently and require qualification of their Britishness because they're not white, then that is intrinsically racist, even if you don't mean it negatively.

Nobody - literally nobody - ever says 'OK, but where are you from originally? Where are your parents from? What's your heritage, though?'

If you're minority white in other countries you most certainly will get this though. At the very least, in some cases, it's often much more intrusive than that by the standards of UK sensibilities.

Just tell him to see the fall out from when Camilla did something similar. Glad he has you to put him right.

Of course it’s not. I’ll ask people where they come from whether they’re black, white or brown. If they sound British I’ll expect them to say where they’re from in Britain. It’s just a conversation. I don’t believer in all the micro aggression nonsense. When i was in India, or Bangladesh, or Europe everyone asks where I’m from. It’s just what humans do. Utter nonsense.

@BlackPanther75 he meant which African country.

I don’t understand why Black=African here. Firstly not everyone from the continent of Africa is black and secondly they could be from the Caribbean or the US or SouthAmerica as well as London!