To think Dh is wrong (racist question)

[Tuddlepops]

We have lots of African families living near us now. It's a recent thing. We get on very well with all we've met. They come from a few different countries.
Today I chatted to another new black neighbour over the back. Never spoken her before. Dh said I wonder which African country she's from. I said London by the sounds of it 🙄🤣 He said no originally. I said ok I'll ask for a rundown of her heritage.

I know he's wrong just want to show him as he's convinced I am and it's not an unusual thing to ask. He's otherwise intelligent. What happens to people to make them not think about the obvious?

Because it can naturally come up, same as it comes up I’m from wales sometimes. I’m asked a lot where I’m from, as I don’t have a local accent

I just think life is too short to be offended by somebody taking a genuine interest in my heritage.

The trouble is that a lot of people that ask don't have a genuine interest and do intend to be offensive. How do you tell the difference?

I honestly don't get how people can be so obtuse.

If your white colleague had a Scottish accent, you asked where she was from and she replied 'Edinburgh,' presumably that would be the end of the conversation, you wouldn't keep demanding where she is originally from because it's apparently inconceivable that a person with a Scottish accent could be...Scottish!

Second and third generation immigrants are born here, several can’t speak their parents or grandparents language well if at all, many have rarely visited their family country of heritage and indeed would be considered a foreigner there; therefore are British Asian or British black etc…you can’t ask someone like this where are they from? This is their home and asking that DOES come across as ignorant

So what? Two wrongs don’t make a right.

If you live in a place where there is no long term Japanese population, and there is a Japanese person living there, there is a very good chance they are not born in that place. If there has recently been a large number of Japanese immigrants, there is a pretty good chance the person is from that group.

Yis was at an event that was specifically related to familial origin.

It's pretty much the most obvious small talk subject a person could make with a stranger at an event like that.

It's generally not hard to distinguish Africans from black people from the Americas. Within the Americas it is otoh difficult without an accent and/or last name.

I am genuinely interested in peoples origins, cultures, roots etc...

I would be interested in someone who clearly has heritage that isn't local, whether thats an accent thats obviously not from 'here' or any other indicator..

But I shut the fuck up, because my insatiable curtiosity is not justification to make someone else feel uncomfortable and if it's ever relevant, they'll tell me I'm sure.

I do get asked where I am from sometimes, my accent is not local.

The difference is, I know without a shadow of a doubt that when I say, I am not going to be treated badly as a result.

Someone I don't know well, if I were to ask, does not know that.

Such a dramatic statement about something so benign such as asking someone’s origins

If someone gets so offended by being asked where they are from they’ve got some sort of personality disorder OR they’ve been told how offended they should feel and how incredibly racist it is to be asked such an insensitive question

just treat people as people. Stop getting so offended by benign things. If someone’s a bigot they’ll reveal it in plenty of other ways. If they aren’t, all they’ve asked you is a totally normal human relational question

micro aggressions my arse 😂😂

Arguably if you were in a country where white is the majority ethnicity yes it would. Context is important.
Let’s say DH and I had moved to “non Western European white dominated city” pre kids, had kids there who lived in “non Western European white dominated city” their entire life it’s highly likely they’d get asked.

Well 47% of MN are racist. I would say who knew, but...

I'm white and I get asked this question a lot because if my accent, despite having a British passport for 25 years.

Exactly. I don't care at all if someone asks me about my ethnic origins. I'm not White British.

If they say my ethnic origins are bad or somehow disqualify me as belonging in the UK then it's bad.

I sometimes get this question at work and It’s usually more like this for me
beginning of consultation
patient - I thought I was seeing (insert name of white Dr)
Me- no you are seeing me, the consultant.
patient - well where are you from!
Me- I am from London
patient - no where are you really from!
Me - London
patient frustrated at this point

sadly this is how its usually phrased by racist people.

Oh fab...

How do I tell which people will be easy going and relaxed about this and which will be on edge expecting some sort of nasty racist remark?

Is there a badge system or stickers or something?

@Krampers that should be shocking but going by comments on here I'm not so shocked now.

Yes they have. As black people in Africa have oppressed, and continue to oppress, other black people and ethnic minorities. We have all been oppressed at one time or another in history. Where do you draw the line? Or is it more convenient to draw it somewhere than to deal with inconsistencies, paradoxes, and contradictions?

I was. I don't mind.

I think there is some distinction to be made wrt accent, so I agree to a point.

My accent was not fully South African, so I was asked.

You dont, some do- neither of the stances are right or wrong, people are entitled to feel one way or another.

I totally agree with this.

Unless the pwrson has a strong accent I would not be assuming they come from abroad. They could be born here, 1st/2nd/3rd generation.

I get this all the time from randos "oh your English is so good" yeah because I was bloody born here you dimwits. Sorry but if you can hear a british accent then you shouldn't nosey. If it naturally comes up in conversation then so be it. Can you imagine it the other way around. Whats your hertigate? French? German? Scandanvian? Roman? Eastern European????? No it is daft.

This happens in the US for example- all the time. people are very proud of where they come from (or rather, their distant ancestors). Most of my American friends love talking about their Scandinavian, German, etc ancestry.