To think is over generous gift of money for a wedding present?

[PrueHal]

I've noticed since day one my partner is very generous with money. From early on he bought me expensive jewellery to my embarrassment, bought gifts for friends and family and used the phrase 'it's just money'. He earns 15k more than me and doing well though not loaded.

He's at a family wedding by himself (I have very good reasons for being unable to go) and as he didn't have time to pick from their gift list he tells me is giving them money - £1000!

AIBU to find this insane? And to think the bride and groom really won't expect it? I find myself thinking about the future and how I'd really not ever want to spend that on a wedding gift if we were, say, married. He is so generous but it's too much sometimes.

Yeah, I've never heard of that either. Giving the bride and groom (as a cash gift) what your wedding food cost. How strange! Should 'guests' give them a contribution towards the venue, and the flowers, and the cake, and the photographer, and the bride's dress too?!

Me too! £50 is enough surely.

But you don’t invite family and friends to a wedding expecting a financial gift from them to cover the cost of a meal and wedding you have chosen to invite them to. You invite them because you want them to share your special day with you

Wow, this thread is an eye opener! Surely what you give should be proportionate to what you can afford? For example, after bills and essentials, we only have a few hundred quid per month leftover. There's no way we could give £200 or £300 as a wedding gift - certainly not after forking out for clothes, travel, possibly a hotel etc - and I'd hate to think we were being judged as cheap for not being able to!! I haven't been to a wedding in a few years but going back about 10 years ago, we used to give £30 if it was friends and £50 to family.
We're invited to my cousin's wedding later this year and I was thinking of giving £100 and thinking that was really generous!!
Oh and I hate this nasty idea of "covering your meal" as well. It makes it so transactional - surely bride and groom invite their guests because they want them there, regardless of gifts, not to recoup the cost of the wedding!!

@Justtryingtofitin You think £100 cash is a cheap wedding present

I have never spent £250/500 on wedding presents even for family or really close friends

And £1000 is way too much unless a millionaire lol

No that's madness. As some PP have said, pretty much every wedding I've been to has cost me hundreds of pounds to attend. More if I've been on the hen do. So I've already spent considerably more on the bride and groom than whatever usually very average meal I'm served, and then someone's suggesting I have to give further hundreds of pounds as a gift? Er, no.

Sorry op but its up to him what he does.He sounds like a lovely,caring man...leave him be!

For a hundred guests, £100 each is £10,000! Would you expect actual gifts to come anywhere near that? To expect more is very greedy! £50 is enough if you’re not related.£100 from relations is fine. The idea is not for guests to pay for the wedding!

More than generous!

Looks like the guests are expected to pay for the whole wedding these days!

Me too!
10 years ago we got a range of £30-£200 and I was shocked at the generosity of the £200. One friend gave us some locally made fudge as they didn't have much money and they made a real effort to be there, I was so delighted they came, and I've never forgotten how tasty and nicely gift wrapped that fudge was!
The differences in incomes, cash flow, expectations and savings on Mumsnet always blows my mind!

It’s mad. I didn’t even think about receiving gifts or money when I got married, I planned my day just as I wanted and invited those I wanted there with zero expectation of anything from them

You gave a grand
You think it was two grand?
Really?
You don't know if it was 1000 or 2000
Really?

Yes really

Very close. Not really sure looking back, it was daft. Overly generous husband/felt slightly obliged. We had a lot to do with each other and.. I don’t know, I can’t really justify it. No not rich at all. Really not sure why we did, was totally stupid looking back.

Good people don't judge what they receive - they are just grateful!

I've given what I can and sometimes it was less (£20 for an evening do) and sometimes it was more. Not more than £200 though!

All the people saying 100 isn't enough are insane! It's plenty.

If it's 80 euro per meal and you're trying to scrape the wedding costs back from your guests you can't afford that wedding - sorry. It's not on the guests to pay for it, don't invite people who you can't afford to invite and don't choose venues and catering you can't afford to choose.

I grew up poor, I am now well off. I'd never dream of expecting people who I invited as my guests to be spending ridiculous sums. It's enough for them to attend and I wouldn't invite them if I expected monetary compensation.

1000 is obscene. If I received that much I'd think the person who gave it to me was an idiot! The only exception would be if the person who gave it was incredibly wealthy.

Thank you for saying this! We have two weddings to attend next month. One is a fully day, sit down wedding and one is a party have a separate wedding. I have never gifted that much. Last wedding we went to was last year and we gave £40 which was double what we used to give 10/15 years ago when we regularly attended weddings.

Hmm. Isn’t this relative? What you give is in relation to who etc?

We usually do £200. A younger family member (nephew) got married this summer, we have £1000. But we did the same for his two sisters who got married years ago!

He can give what he likes OP. Interesting you are considering marrying him. Has he actually asked you???

Far too much give what you can afford depending on relationship. If it is son or daughter if you hadn’t paid for wedding ok any thing less sister brother if they are hard up half otherwise a lot less

Blimey! I hope he doesn’t have any more cousins. You’ll be bankrupt by the time they’re all hitched.
On the plus side, if he ever gets a mistress you’ll notice pretty quickly when the bills come in.

I got married a few years ago, wedding roughly worked out about £100 per head. My office had a whip round and from 20+ people who signed the card £80 was contributed, no issues with that as lovely thought and they didn’t need to gift anything, but five of the people who signed the card were invited to the wedding 😂

I would be concerned that he is showing off by throwing money about and pretending he is very wealthy.

I have a friend who dated a man like this. It ended up that he was in huge amounts of debt and couldn’t keep up with his lifestyle.

you don’t want to end up married to the guy who throws his credit card on the table to buy everyone dinner, then goes home to a house that he can’t afford to heat.

I guess it depends on your circumstances and your social circle. Me and my friends are low earners so that would be a ridiculous amount. But if you are all high earners then maybe not so. Only you can judge that. But to be fair it’s his family so for him to gauge.