To think is over generous gift of money for a wedding present?

[PrueHal]

I've noticed since day one my partner is very generous with money. From early on he bought me expensive jewellery to my embarrassment, bought gifts for friends and family and used the phrase 'it's just money'. He earns 15k more than me and doing well though not loaded.

He's at a family wedding by himself (I have very good reasons for being unable to go) and as he didn't have time to pick from their gift list he tells me is giving them money - £1000!

AIBU to find this insane? And to think the bride and groom really won't expect it? I find myself thinking about the future and how I'd really not ever want to spend that on a wedding gift if we were, say, married. He is so generous but it's too much sometimes.

1000 is very generous but it might be the norm in his family. I don't think as adults earning I've ever done less than £250. We do £500 for family and close friends. Financial compatibility is important and you need to talk about it especially if you want kids. Mind you if the genders here were reversed people would say the OP was likely to be financially controlling.

Absolutely this, £100 is generous for most people. £1k is insane unless you are extremely wealthy.

That's absolutely ridiculous! Unless it's an (adult) child, no-one should be giving £1000 as a wedding gift! I thought you were going to say £200 or something, (which would also have been a lot for someone who is not immediate family.)

Some 15-16 years ago, a couple moved in next door to us - and they were getting married just 4 weeks after moving in. We spoke to them maybe 3 or 4 times before their wedding weekend, and they seemed nice.

DH wanted to give them £100 as a wedding gift 'to be nice' and to 'welcome them into the neighbourhood.' I instantly vetoed it. We weren't even invited to the wedding! (Obviously! As we had only known them for a few weeks, and were just neighbours!)

We just sent a card in the end. They would have (rightly) thought we were batshit if we had given them £100!

But it often costs the B&G more to host you than £50/head!

Wedding i was at recently the meal & drinks were £70/person.

I usually try to ensure the couple aren't out of pocket. For recent wedding I gave £250. This is the first one I've been too in years as I'm old and the second weddings are only just beginning....

Seriously?!

£100 is incredibly generous, I don’t know what circles you move in but they’re clearly very different to ours.

@SweetBirdsong agreed.

I have suggested he gives them $500 as it is more than generous - see what he says.

We are going on holiday in two months and he's worried about expense. There's a bit of joined up thinking needed here, much as I love him!

When did all this start? That your gift had to match the value of the food at the wedding?

If you invite someone to a party, you pay for it. If they want to buy you a gift, that’s something entirely different.

My brother is getting married next week, I've just put £50 in their card. That's what we can afford right now on top of the two days off work (self employed), £250 for the overnight hotel, fuel to get there, meal out the evening we get there, £100-150 each on outfits (2 adults, 1 DC). I was leaning more towards 100 but an unexpected car repair and vet bills this month put the dampeners on that idea.

Thankfully my brother and his partner will appreciate that because they aren't grabby and aren't expecting anything.

We got married about 10 years ago, specified no gifts but still ended up receiving a lot of cash gifts. We were blown away by a £200 gift from a friend, that felt like a lot. We also had several £10-20 gifts (we got married as students so lots of friends invited in a similar financial position!) and every single one was as gratefully received as any other amount. We made a point of writing thank you cards and detailing what the money was used for as part of our honeymoon something significant to that person - e.g. someone who gave us £10 was an avid reader, so we used that money towards a book each to read on the plane.

It's all relative but 1000 is way too much.

My exceptionally wealthy cousin gave me £250 at my wedding and I thought that was too much! Especially as I'd said no gifts lol. He wouldn't take it back though, so thanks Chris, your gift bought me some lovely cookware that I still use 11 years later.

@Justtryingtofitin that's not cheap how rude ! People give what they can afford. I certainly didn't expect anything for my wedding I was just glad of peoples company. One person gave us a tenner in a card, we was still grateful, some gave more some gave nothing, I didn't expect over a certain amount

Maybe if you read the comment correctly… that’s the amount I spend on CLOSE family ie husband or mother. NOT a friend.

We (and the vast majority of our friends/"circle") are in the top 1%-3% income bracket and we would all do £100. Never expected and always hugely appreciated. Likewise when we got married. Agree - it is not "cheap" at all!

This is a US wedding, not a UK one, though. It's the social norms there that should be paid heed to.

Ok all, he's going to give $500.

He saw sense!

"cheap" ... ?! JFC!

I'm a single parent on benefits, people should be lucky I stick £50 in a card after having to shell out for accommodation/travel/outfits etc

Weddings have gone so ridiculous, the expectation people place on guests (especially the wedding party) is insane. As for those expecting large sums of money to cover to cost of the lavish, over-the-top wedding they have been stupid enough to whack on credit they can fuck right off.

But in Ireland certainly, no matter how simple you try to keep it and focused on the guests needs - with no flim flam other than a decent meal, drinks and music, it's going to cost rather a lot. Even the most un lavish, under the top wedding will probably run to 80-100 euro per guest at least. And if people are really so contemptuous of people who hold just normal weddings, and so unwilling to pay for anything to do with it, then they could always stay home! It's an invitation not a summons. I have certainly done so and would do so again if I couldn't afford it, which to me includes giving a decent gift. As it happens, I think the whole wedding industrial complex is a bit of a racket but the high costs of weddings is not because vast swathes of people are materialist full of shit assholes but because it is a ridiculous industry which charges what it can because people will pay it. Having said all that, it is an industry which supports huge numbers of jobs and hospitality outlets. I reckon half the hotels in Ireland would close if it weren't for them.

Just tell him that he can take advantage of the conversion rate 🤣

If he wants to give them $500 then he only needs to spend £392… or $1000 is only £794

That's good news OP.
It's a very generous gift still.

It was 13 years ago. My wedding was only the 4th wedding I'd ever been to and I was too young to buy a gift for the first 3 as I was a child. I didn't know wedding gifts were a thing? Cards yes but anything else just seemed like a nice bonus. My uncle has had a well paid job in the same place for my whole life and he lives in a gorgeous home, has lovely cars so money isn't an issue. He was at my wedding and was genuinely happy for us so it's fine 😊

I gave a cousin a grand for their wedding, I think it was actually £2000. I didn’t even get a thank you. Yeah, it’s unnecessarily generous.

Too much. If I was the bride, I would return £900-£920 of it.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you give so much @Solocup?
Was it the norm in your circles?
Were you really close to them or very wealthy or both?
Sorry, I'm just being nosy and feel free to ignore! To me it seems an unusually generous gift for a cousin.

Far too much. People having a wedding invite guests to be part of their day, not so the guests can return what they have cost ‘per head’ to the bride and groom.

Or perhaps he's comfortable financially, has a great relationship with his family and is generous. It's a bit of a leap to suggest huge issues and a lack of self esteem.

What $ is that? Is that Euros?