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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family coming before child's first day at school

128 replies

Gemma273 · 07/08/2024 20:22

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not?is this a thing?had some family members ask me what time they were to come at before child's first day at school for photos with them? I was flabbergasted and said I'd confirm because I was like eh??

My head tells me absolutely not, it's a special family moment not for others to come along too but not sure if I'm just being precious.

OP posts:
DaisyDewks · 07/08/2024 20:23

Grandparents? Yeah you're being precious.

Mumof1andacat · 07/08/2024 20:23

Never heard of this. Offer to send some photos to them instead of your child in their uniform

Sirzy · 07/08/2024 20:23

I would advise keeping it as low key as possible. Don’t make a massive fuss and keep things as close to normal as you can.

if family want to see her they can come after school or at the weekend.

Izzymoon · 07/08/2024 20:24

I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with it unless you have a tense relationship with your family, or in-laws probably.
When I was young each cousin would always call into my granny’s on their first day so she could see them in their uniform.

It being “too special” for other family to be involved is a bit of a strange thought process imo.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 07/08/2024 20:24

I don't get why they need pictures together. Just send some photos over of child in school uniform. If everyone rocks up and turns it into a big deal there's more chance of the child freaking about it.

MapleTreeValley · 07/08/2024 20:25

This isn't something I've heard of, I don't see any harm in it though.

MellersSmellers · 07/08/2024 20:25

Sirzy · 07/08/2024 20:23

I would advise keeping it as low key as possible. Don’t make a massive fuss and keep things as close to normal as you can.

if family want to see her they can come after school or at the weekend.

Agreed. DS/DD will be nervous enough anyway, they don't need more people to make it all more stressful.

Maray1967 · 07/08/2024 20:25

I would push back hard on this. You can send photos as we did or they can come over later. Tell them that a big fuss is not helpful when you need to get Dc calmly into school.

FantasticFox27 · 07/08/2024 20:25

Never heard of this either. I wouldn't be entertaining guests the morning of first day of school, my kids would have been harder to get into school thinking they were missing out at home.

FatmanandKnobbin · 07/08/2024 20:25

I wouldn't have visitors before school, surely it would be better afterwards so they can talk about the day etc.

I thought the usual thing was parents take a photo and send it around.

LeedsZebra90 · 07/08/2024 20:26

It is about doing the best thing for the child, not extended family. My family didnt do this, but had they tried one of mine wouldn't have cared but my eldest needed a lot of reassurance on their first day and having other people fussing around taking photos wouldn't have helped. You're not being precious, do what works for your child.

Anewuser · 07/08/2024 20:26

Please don’t be that parent that turns up for your child’s first day at school with extended family. You don’t sound like it’s something you want?

Children are generally nervous for their first day but keeping things low key helps them settle in.

Having 60 new reception children and potentially 120 parents is a lot without each child bringing another 4 adults each.

tuttuttutt · 07/08/2024 20:26

Sounds silly. If you make a big deal out of it your little one could get upset/anxious. Never heard of phots with extended family before starting school!

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/08/2024 20:27

It's not something that anyone I know in RL has done, but is there potentially a cultural thing at play here?

I'm sure there was a post a couple of years ago from a MNer who had in laws all turn up at the school gates as that's normal for them, and they were surprised the DC were all just bring dropped off and parents leaving - they were expecting a bit of an event/ceremony type thing

Berlinlover · 07/08/2024 20:27

Never heard of this nonsense in my life.

savoycabbage · 07/08/2024 20:27

Maray1967 · 07/08/2024 20:25

I would push back hard on this. You can send photos as we did or they can come over later. Tell them that a big fuss is not helpful when you need to get Dc calmly into school.

Me too.

It's completely over the top to have people coming over and making a big fuss on a day when things should be calm.

User79853257976 · 07/08/2024 20:28

I think you need to make things feel normal for the child and not make going to school a huge deal.

PantsAcademy · 07/08/2024 20:29

Not QUITE as bad as the whole family going along to take the child to school on their first day. In my EYFS days we occasionally had both parents, siblings, both sets of grandparents and even aunties and uncles sometimes. It was bonkers, and then they'd wonder why the child was overwhelmed and reluctant to go in.

I agree with keeping it as low key as possible, it's a fun and exciting day for your child but NOT a big deal that needs the whole family there. I'd say I'll send photos and leave it at that.

Procrastinates · 07/08/2024 20:29

Sirzy · 07/08/2024 20:23

I would advise keeping it as low key as possible. Don’t make a massive fuss and keep things as close to normal as you can.

if family want to see her they can come after school or at the weekend.

As a former reception teacher THIS ^

Yes it's a big milestone but it's so important to keep it low key and remember that making a huge fuss over it is almost certainly likely to cause issues at drop off time.

Readandwrite · 07/08/2024 20:31

Doesn't happen here. Photos get posted on fb or Instagram of kid in shiny new uniform. Going to see Grand parent in uniform sometime in first week maybe but kid will be hyped enough without a big crowd around them. I would push back on this idea.

PurpleDiva22 · 07/08/2024 20:32

I don't see anything wrong with them wanting to see them. Not weird at all. But having read the other comments here, it defo makes sense to keep the morning as low key and normal as possible. Invite them round in the afternoon when your child is home and they can chat about their day, etc?

Itisjustmyopinion · 07/08/2024 20:32

Absolutely normal in my experience and that goes back to when I was a child too. First day is not a standard day anyway, the routine starts from day 2

My local schools start back next Friday so they have one day in (and guess it can be a crazy intro day) and then normal routine starts on the Monday

I have lovely photos of me standing at my front door in my brand new uniform, huge bag and all my family

Lammveg · 07/08/2024 20:32

Haha thought you were a teacher and the 'head' you said was the headteacher. Very confused for a minute there.

Anyway no it's best for the child for it to be low key as per pp.

SaltAndVinegar2 · 07/08/2024 20:33

I'd suggest they come for photos the weekend before with child in uniform. Or the following weekend

Unless you are 100% sure your child will run in happily I would keep the morning as low key as possible. After school they might be exhausted and on poor form too so I probably wouldn't plan anything too exciting for then - a calm visit would be fine if they love the grandparents. Be prepared for crying and tantrums though!

I don't think it's a special moment to be reserved for immediate family, it's more that it's very stressful for many children and piling on extra pressure isn't going to help.

Sellingbedtime · 07/08/2024 20:37

I get the excitement but surely it's best to just keep the day as low key as possible for little one.

Maybe over the first couple of weeks they could take it in turns to come and do pick up with you?

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