Family coming before child's first day at school

[Gemma273]

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not?is this a thing?had some family members ask me what time they were to come at before child's first day at school for photos with them? I was flabbergasted and said I'd confirm because I was like eh??

My head tells me absolutely not, it's a special family moment not for others to come along too but not sure if I'm just being precious.

Far too disruptive. Not a fucking instagram moment. Tell them to jog on.

Hahaha I wish, never in their whole 5 years of being on this planet have they done an activity (within our house) with child or properly interacted- never mind babysat. It's all to seem like they are involved to outsiders but they absolutely are not.

If it was me I would say " we are going to keep things low key in the morning but I'll send you a couple of pictures. Feel free to pop in after school and hear about her day/"

I have never heard of this. We didn’t do it. The less fuss the better surely.

Just say no but perhaps a photo and a phone call after school?
I was there on granddaughters first day of school encouraged by our daughter. We went for breakfast afterwards as she was a little teary although gd breezed into school without looking back. We are close and I do drop offs qnd pick ups on ny days off. The other set of grandparents didn't go and showed no interest. My lovely mother in law came for our now adult dds first day too, my dm showed no interest.

I was absolutely fine on the first day of school but was like this on the last day of P1. WTAF was that about?! 😂 Actually cried at pickup. Not like me at all. The teacher cried too, but turns out she was pregnant so she had an excuse.

I'm forever sticking up for grandparents on "newborn bubble" threads, but first day of school is different IMO because there's a little person who's doing something big that day and needs things as calm as possible. I'd only allow grandparents on the morning if they lived nearby and having them over in the morning was a normal thing.

I find this request an imposing one from family members. A calm environment before the first day is essential. But overall, I think it is a special moment between parent and child and should be relatively private, shared with others by maybe a photo only. This to me is over involvement and I would not want the interaction and obligation it requires to accept visitors and conversation that detracts from the focus of the child.

I'm so glad you said this, as I've noticed this as well. People formally cutting close family out of their lives for minor annoyances as opposed to actual major issues/abuse. Not that this has anything to do with the OP.

Depends on the kid. I'd have loved all the attention

There were a couple of families who turned up with loads of family members when my youngest started school. Grandmas were crying and dads/grandads taking photos and generally being loud. The actual kids were themselves distraught by the time they got to the door and the poor staff had to peel them off and away from what was essentially a family party.

Still, presumably they got some nice photos for granny for Facebook which was what it was all about. Stuff the crying child.

I'd say you want to keep things low key on the day, but if they want a picture of your child with their school uniform on, they can pop over next week and you will ask your child to try it on to show them and they can take a photo then to show people on the first day of school.

But now to me it is not so much have grandparents or family or not But the bitter twisted reasons people don't not because supposedly every child needs calm or quiet but they are ego maniacs and are only doing for instagram and made up or inflated other back stories

If people's relatives are that bad why have them near your child at all?

The world is getting more bizarre and demanding and nothing seems to naturally happen there is always some dramatic story behind it especially now school starts there will be those endless school mum issues who walk past them but are not in a rush but secretly judge then because there is tiny stain on their jacket or some such made up weird thing

Sure push people away but then don't go on about 'it takes a village'

I agree with this. My DC1 is very close to her DGPs and uncle on my side and they literally live in the same street as the primary school they go to, which is about 10 mins walk from our house. However they didn't suggest any fuss at all as they knew DC was feeling pretty nervous about starting school. We kept the first morning as low key as possible except for us taking a photograph of them at home, and one with their younger sibling too outside the school gates. Otherwise it was a pretty normal morning of breakfast, getting changed, and I dropped them at school with their younger sibling, DH had already left for work at the normal time etc. they wouldn't have liked a huge fanfare, they were just about holding back their tears when I said goodbye at the school door.

Did 3 first days - DH tried with first two to be there - but some kids had huge extended families with them - all milling round in coatroom and trying to go into the class. So much so later years it was suggested by school it was just normal people who would be bringing them should go first day.

So I suppose it is that - but I don't think it's helpful - just say you'll send them some pictures later as you want a quiet calm morning.

I think, it's nice for a bairn to see how many people love them so much. I just couldn't have an issue with it.

Well “fucking Instagram” as you call it wasn’t around in the early 1980s when I started school and it was fairly normal then to take pictures with extended family on first day

I have lovely pictures of me with my parents and grandparents in the playground

Managed to get through school fine without the trauma of my first day being a bit out of the norm

I started school in the 70s and nobody carted their extended family along. Never heard of such a thing.

OP has clarified it is not a close relative, and the child is anxious about starting school, so there is absolutely no reason to agree to this request

Given OPs updates, absolutely not.

I would just tell them it’s not happening as DC are already very nervous and you are all set to minimise drama.

In other countries kids are older and already have experienced a year or 2 of kindergarten.

Just not the same as 4/5 yos getting put into school for the first time, and having full days, no nice easy half days to gently get used to school routine.

No way. Keep the first week including settling days as low key as possible. I think it's a bit selfish of them tbh. Or at best not well thought through.

Absolute no. It's hard enough for a little one to walk into a scary new place alone without everyone staring and waving at them. Especially people they don't see everyday. In fact I would suggest only one parent goes and keep things really light, no big dramatic hugs, just a quick hug or kiss and off you go now. I work in a pre school and my colleagues and I often discuss how hard it is for kids when both parents drop off, smiling and being affectionate and saying a million goodbyes. These are the kids inclined to get anxious because they feel this is a really big deal and often don't understand what is expected of them.

I think having extended family over after school for cake or some form of a congratulations would be lovely. Plenty of chance for photos and memories then.

This. But I'd also add if you don't want it shared on social media and say it's for safeguarding reasons and the school have recommended it.

It's exciting for the child but mostly just one parent does drop off and the other goes to work, as usual.
Wouldn't say it's particularly "special".

Tell them the school has said it's parents only. Your child doesn't need the fuss on the first day - if this person knew your child well, they'd know that!