Family coming before child's first day at school

[Gemma273]

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not?is this a thing?had some family members ask me what time they were to come at before child's first day at school for photos with them? I was flabbergasted and said I'd confirm because I was like eh??

My head tells me absolutely not, it's a special family moment not for others to come along too but not sure if I'm just being precious.

It's very overwhelming for kids starting their first day of school. It's just me and dh taking dd to school on her first day.

That being said, it is very normal in my area for grandparents, aunties, uncles, etc being involved in the kids first day of school. My dd wouldn't cope with that so we've said we will send pictures.

Makes it more about the adults wants and needs than the child’s.

This

and
It's very overwhelming for kids starting their first day of school.

This.

If you want to help your child, then keep it as low key as possible.

Eh no, you want to keep it as low key as possible.
My kids primary actually asks not to have extended family with you.
If they have 60 or 70 kids starting that's 120-140 adults, in the playground, before you add on step-parents, Granny's + Grampas, Aunties + Uncles.
Then remember the wee soul who's living in care who turns up with a carer or foster parent And is hurt they don't have a whole family to see them into school.

Op tell them you'll share a photo on FB but that's it.

As GPs we always get a photo, one dear DIL also sends a qui k picture of them trying on uniform in the shop. For which we are very grateful. First morning is just a special parent and child event, quiet and calm. Seem to remember crying all the way home, definitely didn't need an audience

I would not be doing this. Not because it’s too special to share but I remember at the orientation we had before DD started school they begged people not to bring an entourage with them because it causes kids to freak out. We just kept it low key and kids went off happily with their teachers.

No no no. Just say no. Nice calm moment for immediate family only.

This is a clear ‘thanks but <child> is pretty anxious about starting school and we won’t be having anyone else around, it needs to be just us.

I'll assume Op is Scotland. Schools do visits back in June. Schools are back next week.

Whole regions start back on the same day including the new P1s, individual schools might do a slightly staggered start, and finish on Day 1 but Day 2 will be same as rest of the school.

So yes actual first day, for some areas is Wednesday, some probably Thursday, Glasgow is Friday, other areas might be into the following week

Really? I were the kid that would be horrid
Tell them to come later, or the next day.

Photos and at most FaceTime. Your child doesn't need the fuss.

This is definitely not the norm.

It's a really bad idea. They are thinking of themselves instead of the child. As are you !

For your little one, it is a big day. They will have to cope with being in a strange class with a lot of other children and a strange adult in charge. To start to learn rules, and to understand that they cannot do as they please. They will not see you for hours.

That's a lot for a little person to cope with.

The last thing they need is a crowd of family making a stupid fuss. You need to act as though this is the most routine and commonplace thing in the world (which it is), so they can cope calmly.

I don't get this trend either tbh.
It can be quite an emotional day for kids as it is, no need for extra fuss.

Bloody weird! The only photos should be of the child themselves, dressed in their uniform with their bag, lunchbox whatever outside your house. There’s no reason at all for any adult to be in it. A parent or two would be ok though, I guess, but there’s zero need for GPS, cousins, aunties, uncles, Great Uncle Harry, Liz from down the road, to be in it.

Edited to add - I found taking photos a couple of days beforehand best, then a quick photo on the actual day so that the child isn’t stressed.

I’d be inclined to think you’d want to keep it as low key and fuss free for the little one as possible. Take some nice photos (as most parents do) and maybe suggest family come at the weekend for a little ‘start school’ tea party or something, once the first week is out of the way.

My grandparents would come and visit me and my siblings on the first day at school, but afterwards not before - eg 4pm - to hear how we’d got on.

We were very close. I still miss them.

So grandparents shouldn't be at or near a birth then newborn now not at first day of school

But I presume on call for babysitting?

It wasn't something I have experienced in my own family, there obviously families where lots of people turn up for events etc.
It doesn't sound like this is the case for you tho OP and I would just send a message back saying after consideration you think it will too overwhelming for DC and you don't want to end up rushing etc. Also say you will of course send some photos and let them know how DC gets on with their first day.
Your child is not an insta opportunity, so if you don't want it stand firm

That's not the gotcha comment you think it is. These adults are not frequently babysitting this child or even frequently seeing them for that matter.

It's also completely irrelevant if a grandparent or other adult does do babysitting as this is about what's best for the child and that's not a crowd of people making a huge fuss about their first day of school.

We're in Scotland and our kids start school next week too. Have had a very similar situation just yesterday when one set of grandparents asked what time they should come on the first day. We absolutely do not want them around. It would generally be fine but one particular grandparent has form for making it all about them, being critical (probably about uniform and hair etc ie criticising me for how I've dressed my children), rolling eyes when we want to take photos of our own kids, making sure THEY get a photo with our kids then not offering to take any of us with them, getting in the way, distracting the kids, huffing over nothing and overall making it a very unpleasant atmosphere before usually going home afterwards in a strop (and blaming me). At every single special occasion. Yes, they have our kids to stay and babysit quite often but that doesn't give them the right to muscle in and cause a lovely occasion to feel shit because they're only thinking of themselves. It's all about them getting to be there to witness it and feel special or something because they're included (forced it on everyone) - they aren't thinking of the kids at all.

First day of school should be about the child not the egos of any of the adults.

For the vast majority of children the best way to approach it is as close to normal as possible. Making it into a big event hypes up emotions before even leaving the front door.

My dgs1 is very excited about starting school next week. He's also excited about wearing a new uniform. I'm going to his house in the morning to see him in his uniform, give him a hug and tell him to enjoy his day. His nursery and school did masses on transition,so he isn't anxious at all. For our family, it's a normal thing to celebrate.

completely normal in other countries, pictures with family, and a little cone of sweets given to the child from each relative.

This.
Absolutely not.
This person is nothing to you or your child.
Knock it firmly on the head.

"I'm afraid not, it would be very unsettling for them to have people they don't know well in the house so early in the morning on a big day"

Do not respond to any further contact.

This was my mother too!