Family coming before child's first day at school

[Gemma273]

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable or not?is this a thing?had some family members ask me what time they were to come at before child's first day at school for photos with them? I was flabbergasted and said I'd confirm because I was like eh??

My head tells me absolutely not, it's a special family moment not for others to come along too but not sure if I'm just being precious.

Never heard of this before. Could you invite them over after school for tea instead?

Trying to answer most questions - it's a family member who lives locally but luckily if they visit anymore than 5 times a year - very uninvolved and my child doesn't actually particularly like them and doesn't even really speak to them 🙈
Definitely not a cultural thing and more of a I need to be seen to be super involved and will show everyone the pic but actually couldn't give a shiny sh*te about child really.
And yes it has to be low-key as child is a major worrier and not entirely sure how it will go tbh..

That is very handy if it’s a relative that may be picking up from school from time to time as it means they can be (quickly!) introduced to staff!

It's not a great idea anyway. You want a calm morning and it can easily go off-piste as you adjust to a new routine. With the extra details, it's a hard no. If the relative kicks off, you know it's about them and not in the child's interests, and therefore the right decision.

Usually schools do several settling in sessions so there's not actually an official first day...

Low key is better. Lots of reception kids cry at the gate even if they’ve been at nursery. It’s new and different and they are so little. Winding them up before hand isn’t really fair. Mine would have really struggled seeing grandparents for half an hour and then leaving them for school.

After school is a nice idea. Ask them for afternoon tea ( aka pack of supermarket biscuits!) to tell about the day but keep it short (45 mins) ; there’s day 2 after that.

Aw it’s nice they’re so invested

if you think it won’t be great for your child then ask them for a special tea at the end of day to celebrate the first day

It’s a big thing here at my son’s school and other schools in the area. so my mum came to visit and take photos before my son went to school (and again with my daughter). And then my in-laws came and met us at school to see them going in.. but it was 2 of there grandsons going in at the same time. (cousins born 6 months apart) so auntie and uncle were also there. But my son was super confident going to school and we went in with them for the first 10 minutes. Also when my nephew started school his uncle and I went round to the house before he went to school to take photos. So I don’t see anything wrong with this.

I’d say it depends on the child. Mine needed to not have a bunch of extra people, even if they were people she loved. She was overwhelmed by the new experience.

instead, host a family lunch or dinner the weekend before. Let the child show the family their school bag and their special new clothing that is all ready in the wardrobe. Everyone can ooh and ahh for a bit and then you can have a nice family meal together.

if you are walking to school and want to practice the walk, you could even have the child take the family on a post dinner walk up to the new school.

Schools hate extended families turning up on the first day

They've had their turn, this is your child's big day not theirs.

This is something my in-laws would do. They're using your child to make themselves involved and happy, it makes me feel icky. Don't let them come and make this time all about them - if they want to they can come over after school for a cuppa and a chat.

Yeah, that’s not on. Very odd behaviour from the grandparents. Just tell them no. You and your child don’t need all that hassle on the first day, and it makes the first day far too much of an event. Send them a photo in the uniform.

Last thing you need on the morning of your child’s first morning, frankly. If they ask again, tell them you’re keeping it low key, just you and dp (or whoever).

No way, keep it calm. Tell relative the school have advised against visitors.

You could meet up with them in the afternoon, but give a buffer between school and meeting - my DD loved school from the off and was at nursery from the baby room so well used to being away from us, but still had an unbelievable meltdown on the way home from her first day in P1 that took a while to settle. Just the stress of it all.

Not theirs 🤣

Absolutely not. Unless it were a family member who is involved in care on a daily basis I wouldn't even entertain the request.

It's not about being precious and exclusive, it's about letting the morning be about about your child and not adding to any jitters or getting-ready drama. Say you want to keep the morning as low-key as possible for DC, promise to send the relatives a pic of DC dressed and ready to leave home, and an update about how the day went, and then categorically don't engage in any more conversation about it.

I don’t disagree about not having them before school but there’s some seriously toxic thought processes in that statement: “ using your child to make themselves involved and happy.” 🤨 How can we have functional warm relationships with people approaching family life with those attitudes?

I'd say "oh we're keeping it as low key as possible, I'll send you some pics". I have never heard of family turning up for first day of school! I also think it could make it difficult for the child - because possibly they will want to stay home to be with the grandparents (not realising they'll be going back home). Seems way over the top to me.

I have visions of intrusive relatives turning up and posing by the front door like all the return to school photos in one of those social media photo collages.

Weedoris 4 first day of school
Weejamie 7 first day of juniors
Weenana 66 not the first day of them overstepping boundaries

I just envisaged grandad in short pants and a school bag.

Theres room enough for
Weegramps 72 first day back at school, excited about: time in the shed

It’s not a good idea at all for family beyond the parents to be there.

Best to keep it as normal and low key as possible for your child.

First day at school can be nerve wracking and you don’t want to make it into a big performance.

Our family came to see both my kids on their first day. They came to the house, not to the school gates. Never even occurred to me to tell them no - it might even have been me who suggested it