DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

But she doesn’t have to stay with him if she feels no longer connected or attracted to him. You don’t have to stay with anyone for any reason. If someone is uncomfortable with their partners view points and decide to leave theyre justified.

No one has to stay with anyone. It isn’t nonsense to ever leave a relationship if you’re no longer happy. And no one should ever tell anyone to stay in a relationship if they’re no longer happy.

The OP hasn’t indicated that she feels this strongly about the situation so maybe this doesn’t apply to her, but for others saying ‘this would be a deal breaker for me’, it isn’t ‘nonsense’ for them to feel that way. Same as if you decided to leave a relationship for any reason whatsoever because you were no longer wanting to stay, that wouldn’t be ‘nonsense’ either.

But it isn’t. Reform do also represent people who have very valid concerns about immigration, not recognised by the other main parties. Having concerns about immigration does not equal being a racist. That’s your opinion that the party is racist. That’s your interpretation. I abhor a lot of what Labour stand for, but I would respect someone else’s right to agree with their policies. I find on MN that if you’re anything other than a Labour voter that your voting choices are skewed and irrelevant. Reform voters are the focus of people on here atm, but tomorrow it will probably be back directed at Tory supporters again. It’s ironic that the left leaning voters preach about tolerance but are the most intolerant set of people who try to shut down any opinions or needs if they don’t align to their own.

Yes, it is my opinion that the party is fundamentally racist. It is your opinion that it is not. We will have to agree to differ.

But as far as my relationships are concerned, your opinion is irrelevant. It is my opinion that counts. Fortunately for me, my DH agrees with me.

The irony in your post.

Apparently left voters ‘shut everyone down who don’t agree with them’ yet it is right wing voters smashing up the streets because others don’t agree with them. It’s right wing voters who choose violence against those who have differing opinions or religions or skin colour - you want to preach about left wing lack of intolerance when right wing haves throughout history, chosen to attack anyone who is different to them? It’s right wing idiots like Tommy Robinson who have said ‘Get out there and attack those different to you because we cannot tolerate their differences’.

Come the fuck on.

No you're right. I meant the responses telling her to leave is nonsense. If you read the post she clearly loves her husband and I'm sure political views isn't a dealbreaker

As for the complaint that left wing people don't want to tolerate your intolerance... I'm not going to try and explain as I don't think you're capable of understanding.

If dh sympathised with the rioters and actually run a mile

Oh bore off will you :') I don't need to build on my self esteem because I can look past someone's political stance

TheNuthatch
Would the local government or police cover it up if they did?

Seemingly so if they were a fellow police officer.

You mean when was she radicalised? LibDems want self ID, unrestricted immigration but no houses built near them, no new reservoirs... they're all cheeks of the same arse, none have the high ground.

The people rioting and smashing the place up probably don’t even vote. They’re people who have a problem with authority and are generally anti-establishment. Their grievances are more against the police than anything else. There were a lot more police injured in the riots than there were others. In fact only 1% of the people who were protesting rioted. These ‘right wing voters’ who rioted totalled less than a thousand accross the UK, so are hardly representative of right wing voters.

Proving my point right there. Forgot to add in my previous post, people with views like yours always like to throw around insults to get their point across. So predictable…..

‘He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father’

Would you people on this thread saying leave him seriously take a good father from his kids? And break up an otherwise happy marriage? Give your heads a wobble, not everyone can have the same opinions on everything. He’s not out there rioting, tell him you don’t want to talk about it anymore and move on.

The people who have triggered this, who have been frothing this for ages, are considered right wing. Throughout history, its right wing politics that typically causes this behaviour. And you’re very naive to assume that these people are not voters. We have seen them on this boards - voters who support the riots. You think that these riots just happened out of nowhere? These feelings just occurred with no one guiding them? It’s been spurred on by right wing politics for years. By people prominent within right wing politics. The usual names of Tommy Robinson, Nick Griffin and Nigel Farage. And now that I believe year Andrew Tate and his idiotic cronies. Right wing people who have a long history of intolerance who have been stirring the pot.

And your stats are irrelevant because I didn’t say that the rioters represented all right wing voters. I’m talking about right wing intolerance. You cannot sit there and blither on about left wing intolerance without acknowledging right wing intolerance. Right wing politics is, by its very nature, intolerant.

So he was right about something bloody obvious (we all knew schools would have to close - why was your boss so in denial?) and now you think he can blather about anything without making sense but must be right?

@Livelovebehappy

It’s ironic that the left leaning voters preach about tolerance but are the most intolerant set of people who try to shut down any opinions or needs if they don’t align to their own.

'The most' intolerant? Really?

Have 'left leaning voters' been so violently making their views known that police have had to attend due to rioting and make arrests due to violent crimes in recent weeks?

I must have missed that.

Same.

Honestly, I'm just tired of engaging patiently with people who demand that we tolerate their hatred and bigotry. I can't be bothered any more because there is literally no point.

We live in a democracy. You are entitled to your views. You are free to vote for any political party that stays within the boundaries of what's legal. I am entitled to judge you for those views and criticise them. I am not required to pretend that I consider you to be a reasonable or decent human being.

....that's helpful. I'm sure OP is grateful you took the time to make that contribution.

But the OP doesn’t think her OH is a shitty human being and the other poster you responded to was just saying they wouldn’t have started a relationship with someone knowing some of their weirder views.
The fact you think someone must be a shitty human being based solely on who they vote for really does suggest a degree of intolerance you are deploring in others.
In real life yes I do actually think having someone who is your partner and supports you and your children and loves and cares about you is likely more important for the majority of people than being aligned in terms of politics. I also think most people are not so rigid that they would make a massive set of assumptions about someone they know and love based on their voting choices. I dislike Nigel Farage immensely and I think Reform represent a fairly extreme position that is a long way from my own. I still don’t think anyone who votes for them has to be a racist or a moron because I’m not arrogant enough to think my opinion is actually a universal truth and anyone who doesn’t agree with me has to be a bad person. I think this kind of black and white/all or nothing thinking is a bit ridiculous and we’d all do well to listen to and engage with people with differing views from our own vs cutting them out of our lives.
All that said if you feel it’s that simple then if you ever have someone you love and care for (partner, parent, child, friend whatever) who votes wrong then it’s obviously your prerogative to cut them out of your life on that basis.

But for some people, it is that simple. Same as on here, for some people their partner watching porn means the end of their relationship - that’s their boundary. Others couldn’t give a fuck. They’re both personal opinions about what boundaries they hold in relationships and no one outside of that relationship can say if that’s right or wrong. For others it’s political views. Just because you can accept certain political views doesn’t mean others can or should. Different people, different boundaries.

The judgement on here over what boundaries people hold within their relationships is astounding - and is backed up by people calling them intolerant. Well you’re rude and sarcastic last paragraph is intolerant of that posters personal boundaries. She has strong feelings about politics and that’s her right to - you don’t get to judge what her relationship boundaries are, if they’re not abusive.

I agree with that integration is very important.

Lots of people are burying their heads in the sand and pretending there are zero issues - clearly not true. Up until last week, I had no idea people in this country had nazi tattoos, but clearly they do. That problem was seemingly bubbling under the surface.

People will dismiss any problem they don't want to hear. Same story with climate change. There's a far right problem. There are immigration problems.

I'm not telling the OP what to do. That's her free choice. I'm saying what I would do.

For me, it really is that simple. I can't keep on explaining that it is about more than just the cross on the ballot paper, it is about the underlying values.

And yes, you might feel that voting for a far right racist party doesn't make someone a bad person, but I base my life decisions on my values and not yours, and I find the far right abhorrent. To be clear, I'm not saying that all Reform voters are shitty people - I recognise that some people simply lack the intelligence to properly understand what they're voting for. But my DH is an intelligent man and if he chose to vote in that way, he would know exactly what he was voting for.

I'm not demanding that everyone else agrees with me. I am merely stating that I have certain boundaries and values that I'm not prepared to compromise on. Others can navigate their own relationships as they please.

https://x.com/Nigel_Farage/status/1821505462002385040?t=m5zDYCMLcWpVDcHoDlCUwQ&s=19

Actually yes, this Labour Councillor inciting violence calling for throats to be cut with the action. And crowds cheering him on is very worrying.

Hope you’re right. I voted Labour - have all my life. I just hope the chancellor isn’t going to take an axe to welfare and public services in the name of yet more austerity. Introducing a cliff edge cut off to the WFP wasn’t a good start, but we can only wait and see what else is in store in October, when they’ve had a chance to review properly.