DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

Fair point, but it does give a good basis for said act.

I don’t care ‘why’ those eg: making nazi salutes with offensive tattoos are ‘angry’, or more accurately described, violent and hateful tbh.

Agree in this context this is being used as justification speech dressed up as “I’m just asking questions” (goady like Farge).

I would very much atruggle to be with this too, especially in an intimate relationship.

Is he a bit lacking in critical thinking and blindly gone off down a dodgy TikTok algorithm? Any hope back for him?

In the OP she describes in the conversation that her husband doesn't support violent protest.

It might if you could actually understand what you were reading.

There are broad perspectives according to party. If someone isn’t actually racist, probably best not to align with those who are and support racism by proxy, by voting for a racist party with racist leadership.

I do think some people genuinely don’t realise due to naivety or stupidity, they fell down a SM rabbit hole or perhaps their hand just slipped. That’s the most generous benefit of the doubt I can give.

For repeal of the HRA? It really doesn’t. That article was drafted after the Tories pledged to repeal the HRA, and was one of many articles Elliot and others wrote as to why it would be very difficult and should not be done. In fact it was too difficult, which is why the attempted Bill of Rights failed.

And it’s a bloody good thing too. There are many great things the HRA does, but for me one of the most important is that the HRA is the only basis on which the State has a legal duty to investigate rape. There is absolutely no other legal duty to do so and until the HRA, victims whose cases were not properly investigated had no recourse to justice. Victims of serial rapists and grooming gangs have since been able to rely on the HRA to have their abusers prosecuted and the police compensate them for appalling treatment and truly dire investigations. It has led to many more rapists and child abusers being successfully prosecuted. Too few people know or understand this.

But do you know who does know this? Political opponents of the HRA. Because it has been spelt out in various consultations over the last 5 years by women’s groups and victims of rape who have used it. So feel free to support Reform or the Tories or anyone other anti-immigration party you like, but know that when they say they want to repeal the HRA, they know they will be harming the rights of women. And that is what they want and intend to do.

👋My sentiments entirely.

I suspect he's far more qualified to comment than you are.

Just before lockdown my boss asked if I was going to be coming in the next week or if I'd be shielding. I blithely said I'd discussed it with DH and that he thought that schools would be shut by Friday. Boss turned around and said he didn't think it was likely they'd close schools and that he'd have heard. Of course, on the Friday, he wanted to know how DH had "insider information". 😂

My husband believe in the illuminati and that the rich and powerful drink baby blood. I had no fucking idea he was so whack. We have a child together and one on the way, - I can’t leave him now. I would have blocked and deleted his number, and then probably burned my phone, had this come out when we were dating.

Is it financial reasons that stop people from leaving partners in these situations?

Feeling that it's somehow better for the kids to live with both parents together?

Fearing the idea of having to hand their kids over to whack job for half the week?

Fear of the unknown?

Or just not thinking it's that important if you no longer like each other.

Just trying to understand why people stay.

A partner voting Reform would be a deal breaker for me.

Totally agree that the rioters are just criminals using the horrific incident in Southport as an excuse. They are racist thugs who refuse to accept any other views.

I truly cannot understand how any human being would judge, abuse or assault anyone based on their skin colour, nationality, religion, socioeconomic status or opinions.

This country is apparently tolerant of all, understanding the importance of freedom of speech and opinions. Maybe it once was but no longer. From the posts declaring that the ops husband is a bad person purely because his views are different from others shows just how intolerant we have become. I mean he must be strung up by the balls because he has the audacity to believe what he does. You don’t have to like it but to insult and attack just because you don’t agree shows exactly just how intolerant and vicious many people are becoming. This sickens and angers me. Get of your high horses and start realising that your attitudes are no different to the racist thugs who you are so disgusted with. Also I wonder just how many of you are just as appalled by the treatment of the Jewish community. All communities deserve to be treated with the same respect and be protected from abhorrent behaviours and attitudes so freely shown in the UK today.

They’re nothing but disgusting thugs who are using any opportunity to cause trouble.
Im all up for immigration and believe it helps us as a nation.
I just think the government really needs to address the issues that this country is facing so everyone can thrive.
Housing is in short supply and the demand is only growing.Hospitals ,schools services are at breaking point we need to invest and build.The last time I went to London ,families with young babies and children were sleeping rough (this was in December)How is this right?
When people are living in these situations they start blaming the wrong people for why this is happening, rather than the lack of planning and a government that does little to help.

In the case that the person is a bad father I'd say usually money and lack of a support system (basically the confidence to go it alone)

Ok

It's easy for people to say 'pack your bags' if only life were that simple.

Similar politics was never top of my agenda when I was young but thankfully DH and I are both lefties. I'm grateful that we both pretty much agree on everything when it comes to politics and I don't know how I'd manage living with someone who was right wing. Politics would be a deal breaker for me if I was single.

Having said all that I think if there are children it's a bit late to LTB if he's otherwise a good husband and father. I think you're going to have to agree to not talk politics and see how you go with that. I don't know what other real feasible option there is.

For goodness sake, he’s entitled to his opinions. Free speech just about still exists. He’s not out there joining the rioters with their violent behaviour. He probably feels like many people do in this country that uncontrolled illegal immigration is putting a severe strain on local infrastructure and exacerbating difficulties for some of the poorest people in society.

In the two situations described the partner voted for a different political party/has some views OP strongly disagrees with or believes some pretty crazy urban myth type stories.

Lets assume in either of these cases this is a man who is respectful to and supportive of their partner, who does a fair share of the household jobs/childcare and ensures their partner has equal free time to explore their interests, who works hard & fairly shares their income with the family, who makes sweet gestures to show their partner they love them. They are someone the women care deeply about and have formed a long term relationship with.

I’d turn it around and ask why you think something like which party they vote for is the thing that’s so important it’s worth throwing all the rest away for?

I have already explained my position.

It isn't about the party that they vote for, it is about the underlying values that cause them to vote for a party that is utterly abhorrent to me. If you no longer believe that your partner is a decent human being, if you find their views morally repugnant...I am not sure that it matters if they share the housework fairly or make sweet gestures?

Voting isn't just a tick in a box on election day. It gets to the very core of who someone is and what they believe (assuming that they are intelligent enough to understand what they're voting for in the first place, that is, and my DH definitely is). If you no longer like or respect that person, how can you carry on on playing happy families as if nothing has happened?

Others might be perfectly happy to keep on sharing their lives with someone that they consider to be a shitty human being because they pay their way and do half of the cleaning etc. That's entirely their prerogative but it wouldn't work for me.

@ATenShun

That confuses those who are rioting and causing damage with the legitimate protestors whether on the streets or online.

No it doesn't, you can't have even taken the time to read it properly if you say that.

It specifically asked people to describe those causing unrest at protests, not peaceful protesters.

It's clearly stated at the top, it's literally the question to which the results refer.

Some of these comments about ending the relationship is absolute nonsense. You can (with no guilty conscience) agree to disagree. As a few who have responded will agree. It isn't racist to acknowledge peoples anger and frustration.

You can agree to disagree on lots of things.

Some of us have boundaries that we wouldn't be prepared to compromise on. For me, being in a relationship with someone who votes for a far right party is one of them.

Some might have different boundaries. That's their prerogative.

If you have no boundaries at all, you might want to work on your self esteem a bit.

There are racists in every party. It’s not just exclusive to Reform. You do know people can vote Reform and just have genuine concerns about immigration, yet not support the rioting? And you do know that many none white people also have valid concerns about immigration? If no other party is addressing the immigration issue, then obviously voters will turn to those that do.

There are racists in every party, I agree.

But Reform has racism at its very core. Racism is its entire reason for being. That's what makes it different for me.

And that’s your prerogative. But some comments on here are indicating partners are in controlling relationships, whereby it’s not a case of having different opinions, but people having zero tolerance for someone who has their own opinion, not just on who they vote for, but on other aspects of their life. And that’s not okay. It’s as much a red flag in a relationship as someone perceived to be something their partner feels doesn’t align to their own values.