DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

[Pinkycloud]

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies.

He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

By raiding pensioners’ winter fuel payment to fund a 22% payrise to junior doctors, thereby satisfying the unions ? By scrapping the cap to care fees. By cancelling much needed infrastructure projects ? By promising more cuts to benefits and public services come the budget ? And based on what ? Practically the identical ruse used by the coalition government in 2010 - a black hole in the economy caused by the outgoing government. No proof given or even thought of as needed - jus take our word for it. So the very people who voted for them in the hope of change get screwed again by yet another government who put ideological political choice before people.

@Abigail47 here you are, someone demonstrating their values via their political beliefs, thereby showing herself to be someone several other posters wouldn’t be friends with.

Obviously she can vote how she wants, and it doesn’t mean she goes out murdering babies of an evening- she’s probably a perfectly pleasant woman to chat to outside brownies- but her politics mean she isn’t a good fit for friendship with some posters because her values and her priorities are diametrically opposed to their’s.

I'm with you. I can't believe the level of nepotism.

Do you think everyone who can't afford private education is disadvantaged? Genuine question.

A black hole confirmed by OBR.
The winter fuel payment should always have been means tested.

I don't believe anybody on these boards or indeed the majority of the UK or our political parties have massively different morals than another. All too often one small soundbite by any public figure is posted out of context to froth up one side or the other.

You must also remember that your partner even if they have entirely opposing views to you, providing they are legal, has their right to them. They also have the right to leave you for your opposing view and to take his/her children with them.

'He voted reform' would be the best contraceptive device in the world for me.

There is a a sharp fall in the number of international applicants for UK university places following the previous government’s efforts to restrict the number of visas issued, plus the travel warnings issued by several countries must be putting off applicants, so if universities go bust that’s down to the hostile environment.

I already live in a town - one of the famous grooming towns - that is 20% Muslim including a high number of asylum seekers housed in HMOs. My DD went to school here at the height of the grooming scandal and was well-educated at school and home about groomers.

As for Starmer not being verbally sure-footed, I think he’s made himself perfectly clear in the last ten days. Sunak would have kept repeating “Our plan is working” - he was Prime Minister for 18 months but apparently we are overrun with asylum seekers so I can only assume his plan wasn’t working.

Of course different people have different morals!
And yes, everyone has the right to their own beliefs. Just as everyone else has the right to judge whether those views make them someone they no longer want to associate with.

I agree it should always have been means tested but not at the rate of £218 a week for a single person and £332.95 for a couple. That’s not my definition of a wealthy pensioner. She’s opted for the cheapest form of means testing by tying it to pension credit. It needed more thought.

Me too, I’d be wearing iron-clad knickers.

My husband and I used to have the same political views but he is doing that thing of becoming more right wing as he gets older. He denies it and says he’s just an open minded free thinker and doesnt follow a tribal bubble. But his mind is only ever opening towards reactionary culture war right wing views. He’s just changed his bubble.

There’s an ever-increasing number of topics we just can’t talk about. It makes me sad tbh and I don’t know how much further to the right I can tolerate.

I would always have said that you don’t have to have the same views on everything. But when they spill over into values, and when there’s so much damn NEWS these days…. It makes conversation very difficult.

Today’s flash point conversation was how white men are being erased.

Right.

Just because someone votes Reform that’s no reason to say they are racist or support the riots. 4 m people voted Reform, and have the right to do so. They too could hold views about people who vote for other parties - it’s all about democracy and if you don’t like that you may as well not vote at all.

I think people's morals can differ a lot. I'm vegan and have voted green party before and I bet there's someone on this forum who loves fox hunting and has voted accordingly.

Just one example.

Perhaps morals is not the correct word. I will use values.

The following is a direct quote from the Goverment guidance on romoting British values to schools.

All have a duty to ‘actively promote’ the fundamental British values of democracy, the rule of law, individual liberty, and mutual respect and tolerance of those with different faiths and beliefs.

What is being suggested by some is splitting up families and going against what is a British value of democracy and tolerance. If anything those suggesting this are showing their own intolerance and shutting down democracy.

This is the issue isn’t it, and when you can’t talk about things there begins to be a gap in your relationship. I love having debates with my husband and we disagree on things, but there are core values that when they begin to differ so much, it’s hard to find a way back to each other. I don’t think it’s as simple as ‘just don’t discuss it’ because politics leaches into so much of day to day life and our feelings about things.

Sorry you’re going through this. X

I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who had these views (as I'm sure you wouldn't have) but with children to consider I think I'd steer clear of the conversation.

I wouldn't blame you if it was a deal breaker though.

Cheapest because otherwise it doesn’t really save much.

No, it’s the person supporting Reform who is going against those values. Patriots my arse.
And I’m not sure what connection you are drawing with democracy. Democracy doesn’t mean we all have to agree.

And that makes them no better than the Tories. It’s not going to save much in the longer term anyway, because hopefully there will be a rush to make sure all those people who don’t realise they are eligible, actually claim it. Doesn’t excuse it from being a low move. Sickness and disability benefits are next on the agenda - again exactly the same as the continuing assault on them by consecutive Tory governments in the name of austerity. Which is exactly what this is.

It’s tough. I would not have married someone with these views. At one point he was a staunch defender of Jordan Peterson and admirer of Elon Musk, though he’s chilled his beans on them now. I mean, cool, whatever tickles your pickle but I find them and men like them abhorrent.

I can’t talk about any current affairs with him really.

It’s tricky for the OP as they have young children. I don’t. One of the saddest things is I’m glad I don’t because it would just be another thing to fight about - the values our children have. I’d hate my kids to grow up with some of his views. Maybe that’s something for the OP to ponder. It’s not just her who’s hearing sympathy for the Reform voters here.

Her kids live with a Farage fan, too.

Just learnt the other day that an estimated £200 million worth of property damage was incurred in 2011 riots. Absolute waste of money.
How is burning a library going to help with reducing numbers of refugees?

I disagree. Are they left wing enough for me? Nope. Are they going to be better for 5he vulnerable than the Tories? Hell yes.

Can you show me which of those values are being erroded in Reforms manifesto?

Mutual respect and tolerance. Racists don’t manage that.