Page 10 | DH’s attitude re riots etc upsetting and angering me

Pinkycloud · 2024-08-07T12:55:40+00:00

I feel so sick. Every time we talk about the riots, DH comes out with ‘well people are angry, etc’. He says he doesn’t condone violence, but there’s always a ‘but’. He voted Reform, I voted Lib Dem. I tell him he sounds racist in some of the comments he makes, which he vehemently denies. He’s a loving, hardworking husband and father but… this! He is honestly a good man. I don’t know how to deal with it other than banning the subject. Has anyone else got very different political views from their spouse or partner?

AnonymousBleep · 07/08/2024 17:20

Grammarnut · 07/08/2024 17:15

I personally would not vote Reform, being a socialist, but opinions differ. My recently late DH was a Liberal without a home, thanks to the undemocratic behaviour of LibDems over the 2016 referendum.

On the point of the disturbances (no troops out, so NOT riots), many people are unhappy that our culture is/might be threatened by the arrival of immigrants who do not hold our values on tolerance, corruption, women's rights, children and sexuality etc. as well as being concerned at the deterioration of our infrastructure, of the difficulty in finding affordable homes, getting doctor and hospital appointmens and school places. These are all reasonable and rational concerns that have not been addressed by either the last government or the Opposition, which is now the government. There comes a point when throwing a brick looks like the only way to get attention, because otherwise we/they/you see/feel our way of life is being quietly destroyed and we/they/you have been ignored for decades.
What else do you suggest anyone does if no-one with any authority will listen?
NB My personal gripe is the constant poaching of professionals from developing countries that have paid for the qualifications we are now utilising.
It is not racist to have any of the concerns I have listed btw.

Our 'culture' isn't threatened by immigrants, though. That's just made-up Daily Mail nonsense. How are they changing anything? There's room for people to follow their own religions and traditions, it doesn't mean other existing ones have to be abolished. And they are not. You can celebrate Ramadan or you can celebrate Christmas or you can celebrate both if you like. Nobody cares.

The whole idea of 'our culture is threatened by immigrants' just seems like ordinary racism to me.

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:20

Its not Racism or racist to realise, despite what people were repeatedly told - the direction the uk is heading in is bad.
Its an issue of lack of integration because of the rate of change and lack of desire to integrate, cultures, values and idiologies not being compatable with the "host" countries.
Especially as women, you should take notice and look to the future.
Not everyone looks at the world and other people / religions like we do in the largely christian ( values at least ) west.

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:21

Bunnygirl1902 · 07/08/2024 16:21

Not a bot 🤗Well how about not cancelling the Rwanda flight for a start?

Show quote history

Did you ever read how much it would cost PER MIGRANT? It was idiotic policy to begin with

Tootyfilou · 07/08/2024 17:21

LTFB ( leave the fascist bastard)

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:23

Tootyfilou · 07/08/2024 17:21

LTFB ( leave the fascist bastard)

YES!

Leave him in peace if he isnt allowed to have his own opinions and MUST mirror yours to keep his family together..

Please.

Stephy1886 · 07/08/2024 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:26

CautiousLurker · 07/08/2024 15:35

I think you are ‘borrowing’ trouble. Picking a fight over an issue that doesn’t directly affect you.

And (as a child raise in a Muslim refugee family who arrived here in the 1970s) I agree with him that there is more nuance to this, that it has been simmering beneath the surface for years (hence the Brexit result) and it is far more complex than ‘racism’.

the most under privileged demographic in the UK currently is poor, white, working class men/boys - they are the most likely to be free school meals, have the lowest attendance record, the poorest GCSE/BTEC/Alevel outcomes, are least likely to go to university, the most likely to be on benefits. This is obviously bugger all to do with the number of Muslim/black/Asian individuals who have moved to the UK in recent decades, but a symptom of decades of neglect by successive governments and an increasingly inadequate state education system, especially in areas of high poverty.

What is abhorrent is that, egged on/manipulated by a small contingent of far-right yobs, people are targeting their frustration and anger at Muslims. MSM and SM are responsible for feeding people the idea that the issues they face - lack of jobs, poor educations, inadequate housing - is the fault of an immigration ‘explosion’ (!!) when in fact it is a systemic and deep-seated social problem that has been allowed to percolate for decades - probably since Thatcher broke the unions and we saw the decline of mining & the manufacturing industries that supported these men. We’ve all sat back and shrugged because we were all right Jack, but until we face up to the wholesale failure to address this issue, they will continue to be angry, feel unseen, unheard, and target those that seem to be getting on alright. The economic downturn post 2008, Brexit, lockdowns, the CoL crisis has just exacerbated these simmering feelings… but no one of any political party has stepped up.

Just like poor, white displaced and angry young men readily took up arms and focused their disillusion and anger at the Jewish community in 1930s Germany after the the depression caused by the 1929 Wall Street Crash…

So, I’d say your husband is probably not wrong and you, like many people, are being disingenuous to dismiss this as mere racism.

Edited

You know, it’s very interesting why it is white working MEN and BOYS and not WOMEN. I wonder why. Oh, maybe because of male sense of entitlement (now threatened by women and people of colour) ? How come women and immigrants (who are at a disadvantage compared to these men when they start off) manage better and these men don’t? Maybe if they worked harder/wanted to study or retrain instead of moaning in the pub they wouldn’t be as poor?

Smineusername · 07/08/2024 17:27

To be fair as a lib den voter you don't really have a leg to stand on

Mrsdyna · 07/08/2024 17:27

Do you not think the protesters are angry then?Because they quite clearly are.

CappuccinoChocolate · 07/08/2024 17:28

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:20

Its not Racism or racist to realise, despite what people were repeatedly told - the direction the uk is heading in is bad.
Its an issue of lack of integration because of the rate of change and lack of desire to integrate, cultures, values and idiologies not being compatable with the "host" countries.
Especially as women, you should take notice and look to the future.
Not everyone looks at the world and other people / religions like we do in the largely christian ( values at least ) west.

Male violence is suddenly a big concern - from the guys throwing bricks at buildings - what have you men ever done to stop male violence - not even a peep of a protest !

Male violence, misogny and social media are the root of the issues - don't see many men out protesting about the influence of Pornhub on our values eh ?

MoodEnhancer · 07/08/2024 17:28

My DH and I have different political views. We are able to discuss them like the adults we are, including where they impact our family life and decisions (e.g. private school v state school.) We discuss and we compromise.

I wholly disagree with the posters who say “just don’t talk about politics”. Politics is essential to all our lives and it’s interesting. In fact, I love that my DH and I discuss it from differing viewpoints. I respect him and know he does not hold his views lightly or without thought - and vice versa. One’s politics are how you think the world should be arranged and to some degree how you view people. I’d hate to be in a relationship that cut that out.

But there are red lines. If he was racist or sympathetic to racism then I would not be with him. And that’s not being intolerant of others’ views (though I think it is fine to be intolerant of racists) - leaving aside that it is a horrible attitude, it’s simply a huge compatibility issue.

LonelyInDville · 07/08/2024 17:28

I would be done with him, I do not condone racism.

Runninggirls26 · 07/08/2024 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What are they supposed to do?! Not fucking this! Not smash or loot shops, hurt innocent people, set fire to homes or places of refuge.
And no one’s going to listen to you if you throw a brick through a window. They’ll think you’re an ignorant, racist thug and cheer when you end up in prison.
And what exactly are they trying to say anyway? The Stockport murderer wasn’t an immigrant. None of the people targeted have done anything wrong but looked for refuge. I’d like to know what you’d do if your family weren’t safe. Probably take them somewhere better I’d imagine. But apparently this means you deserve all this vile hate and violence. It is pure racism and you are condoning it. Shame on you

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/08/2024 17:30

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · Today 14:03
Similar political views were on my checklist of essential when finding a partner

Yep. Impossible otherwise, especially long-term.

Grammarnut · 07/08/2024 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 07/08/2024 17:31

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:26

You know, it’s very interesting why it is white working MEN and BOYS and not WOMEN. I wonder why. Oh, maybe because of male sense of entitlement (now threatened by women and people of colour) ? How come women and immigrants (who are at a disadvantage compared to these men when they start off) manage better and these men don’t? Maybe if they worked harder/wanted to study or retrain instead of moaning in the pub they wouldn’t be as poor?

Show quote history

https://committees.parliament.uk/committee/203/education-committee/news/156024/forgotten-white-workingclass-pupils-let-down-by-decades-of-neglect-mps-say/

There are so many lazy arguments on this thread I don’t know where to start.

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:32

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:20

Its not Racism or racist to realise, despite what people were repeatedly told - the direction the uk is heading in is bad.
Its an issue of lack of integration because of the rate of change and lack of desire to integrate, cultures, values and idiologies not being compatable with the "host" countries.
Especially as women, you should take notice and look to the future.
Not everyone looks at the world and other people / religions like we do in the largely christian ( values at least ) west.

Sorry right now as a woman I’m
threatened by these WHITE men and their ideology. So forgive me for not caring about some imaginary threat from immigrants

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:33

CappuccinoChocolate · 07/08/2024 17:28

Male violence is suddenly a big concern - from the guys throwing bricks at buildings - what have you men ever done to stop male violence - not even a peep of a protest !

Male violence, misogny and social media are the root of the issues - don't see many men out protesting about the influence of Pornhub on our values eh ?

Show quote history

Men and Women arent the same. Thats universally understood.

"Men" frequently intervene, thats a salty man hating comment without reason! 😆
Think police if you genuinely dont think another man would come to your aid if you were subject to male violence.

If you dislike Pornography thats your business, protest with like minded people about it.

BeLoyalCoralHiker · 07/08/2024 17:35

My ex husband voted reform and I felt incredibly grateful, once again, that I had divorced him.

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:36

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:32

Sorry right now as a woman I’m
threatened by these WHITE men and their ideology. So forgive me for not caring about some imaginary threat from immigrants

Show quote history

Some white men? You missed the women, kids, grandparents - people who werent just "White".
Look closer and excuse me if i dont care about your imagined threat from those terrible, horrible "White men".

MoodEnhancer · 07/08/2024 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

These rioters don’t give a shit about violence against women and girls. I would bet substantial amounts of money that the vast majority of those are domestic abusers themselves. They are violent, racist, men, who are using this as an excuse. And you are an utter fool if you think otherwise.

Applesonthelawn · 07/08/2024 17:36

It is far too easy for people to have no patience/tolerance with other people's views just because they are not the same as your own. I'm pretty sure this intolerance is firing people up to be even more anti-migrant. Like when Hillary called Trump's followers "the mob" (or something like that). When remainers called Brexiters "racist" too. If you are so liberal, why can't you accept with open minds why people are anti-migrant, without necessarily classifying them as racists? It just seems so narrow minded and counterproductive.

Grammarnut · 07/08/2024 17:36

Poppycornfields · 07/08/2024 14:02

The problem is that clumsy attempts to understand are being automatically interpreted as racist . To be honest I even hesitated to write that down because I don’t want to be jumped on.

But generally speaking - and not just about this - we do better as a society when we do try to understand why things happen, rather than just condemn them as appalling acts by the terminally stupid - which they sort of are, but that’s the lazy way of looking at it.

I hate what’s happening but I do think we might get further in stopping it in future if we recognise the whys rather than just pontificate about bad, stupid people which let’s face it is mostly just a way of reassuring others we are good and clever.

This, exactly.

DodoTired · 07/08/2024 17:39

Thatladdo · 07/08/2024 17:36

Some white men? You missed the women, kids, grandparents - people who werent just "White".
Look closer and excuse me if i dont care about your imagined threat from those terrible, horrible "White men".

Show quote history

Sorry there are kids smashing shops and looting trainers? 😄 do you mean white male teens?

Runninggirls26 · 07/08/2024 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Because white men never rape, assault or murder. I’d forgotten that. Their wives, daughters etc are all completely safe around white men.
Do you understand how racist and utterly stupid this is don’t you?