Husband didn't tell me

[northchesterforest]

I'm not sure what to do.

My husband just got back from a stag do and has had insomnia for 2 nights and is feeling terrible.

He told me this morning that he had a fit on the stag do and was unconscious. He has never had one before but didn't want to tell me. I'm upset that he didn't tell me and that he has been feeling awful for 2 days and this could all be linked.

I'm also upset because I asked if he has taken any drugs and he told me he hadn't.
We have a no drugs agreement in our relationship and I asked him not to before he went away as they are quite a druggy crowd.

He just told me he had taken coke. I'm upset that he lied to me.

I'm a mix of emotions. I'm upset and worried that he is sick after his fit.
I'm upset that he kept this from me and the drug taking.
I'm also upset that we are trying for a baby and I've been jumping through hoops with infertility medication and lifestyle changes and he has just gone and abused his body like that. I feel like a mug.

What you have described is not a good relationship.

I'm so sorry, please continue to protect yourself and your happiness. x

Just saw your update.

I hope you leave him.

Well done on your promotion.

Fresh start OP x

This is the least of your worries but if he's had a seizure there's a minimum 6 month driving ban because of the risk of having another one behind the wheel.

Sorry this is happening to you OP.

He seems like the kind of guy who will stay out all day and night with his druggy friends because he “needs a break” from your baby, in the future.

@northchesterforest I'm sure no one needs to tell you this, but taking coke and MDMA for years can't be good for sperm quality at all. Not only has he been lying to you but he can see you making lifestyle changes and prioritizing having a child and all the while he is sabotaging your chances of having a healthy baby. You have completely different priorities and bringing a child into this relationship would be a bad idea.

That was obvious to me just from your post. Good, you know for certain now. Find that anger and make a fantastic life for yourself, filled with everything you want and deserve. You know what you need to do.

Well he needs to contact the dvla and declare his seizure and probably lose his drivers licence for at least 6 months which won’t be a bad thing due to his drug use.

Congratulations on the promotion. There will be more without this loser weighing you down.

At least you can make a fully informed decision about your future now. You know he takes drugs and has lied about this repeatedly over the years. Just make sure going forward you accept that it is likely he will continue to live this lifestyle when with his friends. Is that the kind of father you want for your future children?

How did I miss this?
I’m so sorry OP.
Hope you walk out on him and never look back. His best mate can pick him up from a&e while you pack his shit up.
If you need divorce advice please contact Women’s Aid or Rights For Women.

Ex cocaine addict here, feel free to search my username on here to see my previous posts.

I've never ever had a fit on cocaine and certainly never lost consciousness, not even when I was doing 2-4g a day. I've never known anybody else to either, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.

You are in a relationship with somebody with an addictive personality. He won't change. Honestly, I know as I'm similar myself. Yes I've had a cocaine addiction and I am 100% clean now and have been for 18-20 years but I still struggle with other tubs as my addiction has just transferred. I am a binge drinker and I can't seem to stop. I personally think it's as I have untreated/undiagnosed ADHD but in not using that as an excuse. I know I've caused trauma to my family, to my children, and it's affected my entire adult life and every relationship in it.

Is that something you want? That you can live with? If not cut your losses and walk away

Sorry op, but I knew this as soon as you posted. I really feel for you. What an absolute twat to lie to you all this time. ☹️

I’m sorry OP.
Well done on your promotion though.

He’s wasted your time. That is where my anger would be.

A quick google shows studies indicate sperm quality (at least in rats) is altered and a higher occurrence of DNA damage is noted with MDMA. Yes it may only be rats. I am sure someone will pick the study to pieces. I am not spending time reading and analysing it. But there is clearly data out there and his lies meant you could not make an informed decision or do your research. He had access to knowledge which may have changed your decision to remain with him and marry him. He has wasted your time (which is precious). That is unforgivable.

If their mates are into bad stuff the likelihood is that he will be too. But least they were honest about taking drugs allowing their spouses to make an informed decision.

All the best op. Divorce and look into sperm donation if you feel time is running out.

So a drinking issue and secret drug taking now.
And he lies to you regularly.
And drip feeds information he knows you won't like.

He does not sound like father material, OP.
If you were a child, would you want him as a father? If the answer is no, please don't continue to pursue this with him.

At least now your eyes are wide open and you see the truth of him.
Run.

You deserve better.

Quite possibly none of this is the truth but he’s lying through his teeth.
You might never know the whole story.
I certainly wouldn’t be hanging around to find out.

Edit: just caught up with your posts OP. Well, at least you now know some more of the facts. I would be off, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near an alcoholic druggy, let alone have a child with one.
Good luck 🙏

Good.

Get out & stay out!

It hasn't really all just come to light though has it?

This has always been him & his friends-aka druggy crowd!

Eta-congratulations on your promotion.

I’m so sorry Op. I am glad you have found out before you got pregnant. He has taken drugs for years and hangs out with people who let their friends have head injuries and seizures and not get medical help? That is beyond shocking. I’m sure a lot the of reason you can’t get pregnant is due to him. Leave him, get healthy and happy and you’ll find your person or be a solo parent. Get an STI test.

Looks like your ‘fertility problems’ were a blessing in disguise. And most likely caused by his drug taking

@northchesterforest

He is NOT a good & loving person, stop trying to convince yourself!! You've made a mistake, own it, fix it.

don't subject your future kids to this.

we'd have no problems if... IF HE wasn't who he is.

I suspect you'll stay with him and be posting in years to come about his drink/drugs/lies - all with 2 under 5, who you don't want to take from their Daddy.

you could move on & have kids with a decent bloke instead

Why would he hang out with a druggy crowd if he has no interest in drugs. Surely he would want to hang out with people who have similar interests to him. Please do yourself a kindness - don’t have children with him.

I don’t blame you, OP, I would do the same. Couldn’t have a drug taker in my life.

Congrats on the promotion btw.