To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

What a wanker @PubToastie, you are absolutely right to be upset.

I would definitely email further up the command chain and see what they think- I wouldn’t be happy if I was this blokes boss.

Two slices of bread, a bit of cheese, and four slices of cucumber isn't exactly an "unreasonable demand", for a commercial catering kitchen that serves toasties with much more filling and sides, on their lunch menu already. It's literally the same person making it, just a few hours later than the lunchtime trade. From someone who has decades of experience working in the food industry. Hell, I even worked in a kitchen making toasties and club sandwiches etc., myself when I was 16yrs old. Would have been no problem to serve this for a regular weekly customer with a debilitating illness at shock-horror - dinner time.

I started reading your post @PubToastie and from the title I thought it was going to be another one of these entitled customer stories that you read on here. By the end of it I was almost in tears.

Bless you, your family and your lovely mum.

I agree with others and would contact the brewery, praising the staff who go above and beyond and letting them know what poor hospitality and customer service skills their new "manager" has. Dickhead.

That’s just made me cry a little, how lovely.
There are kind people in this world. Just not this manager. Hopefully with some discussion you can resolve this, it’s not easy to just go somewhere else is it.

The 'business reason' argument simply doesn't stack up in this case.

It's not an elaborate, unexpected request when they're busy. It's a simple toastie, early evening on a Monday (hardly kirchen rush hour)), that they've been doing every week for 18 months (so know to keep 2 slices of bread ready and not clean the toastie maker til later). And it's not depriving them.of a seat that could otherwise by taken by someone buying a more expensive item. It's bringing in a minimum.of 3 full meals they wouldn't otherwise have at one of the quietest times of the week.

I rather think that because the other staff were kind, and that you've been going for such a long time, that going scorched earth and leaving blistering reviews and never going back is actually cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I think in your position I'd go back on my own and see if I could have a frank conversation with the wait staff and see what they think first. Do they think the manager will budge? I totally agree the manager was a wanker and should have backed down with grace, but to be charitable, maybe it's his first management role.

Of course vote with your feet if it's a consistent No

Contact the owners of the pub or chain. Say you will be going to the local press if they don't sort out this 'misunderstanding'.

This is exactly what I think. There’s everything to be gained from seeing if you can resolve it, and, being new to the role, the manager may have been less confident about departing from the new rules he has put in place. Catching a moment when he isn’t confronted by it in front of his new team may lead to a less inflexible response.

As tempting as it is to never go back, thats not going to help DM. Speak to staff. If they say its sorted leave it well aline.
If not, speak to manager - maybe swallow your (completely justified!)anger and claim you understand why boundaries and rules around menus are important, and that he was put in a difficult position (hes a wanker who was expected to be kind)... but it has been so important to your family to have your weekly meal out at that pub for the last 18 months, with your DM choice of food and prefered table needing to be the same every single time. Ask if theres a way to keep the arrangement going.

People often don't understand Altzeimers and dementia - just think its limited to memory issues.9

While it is tempting to go all guns blazing with the negative reviews and looking for some where else it would then be extra work for you to find somewhere suitable , and upsetting for your mum spoiling the routine. As per PP maybe speak to the other staff there see if they think he might have a change of heart. It might be that someone has explained the scenario to him afterwards and made him see sense. Often new managers try to assert their authority at first , but find that if gets both customers and staffs backs up they need to become more flexible. Alternatively if you get the idea he won't change , you could ask them what his days off are and try to organise your visits then! It sounds like the other staff are happy to accomodate this simple request.
My Dad and elderly uncle used to go to the Harvester every Monday. They knew all the staff and had a chat with the manager everytime they went in. Everyone knew that Uncle didnt like peas and had to have beans with his Fish and Chips! No one made a fuss.

The manager was being rude and the situation unfortunately escalated quickly. But having worked in hospitality I do see where he is coming from. I mean this kindly but actually your mum isn't a rare exception. In that type of place, almost every party that comes in has one or more members who are sick, disabled, elderly, have allergies, are dieting, or are broke. You would have to break the rules for everyone. And pretty much everyone who comes in counts themselves as "a regular".

That manager is going to look like a complete prat to all his staff and word will probably get to the owners via them that he was so shortsighted as to refuse a pretty simple request for a decent sized group of customers...let alone customers who regularly come in and order multiple adult meals!

I've worked in hospitality and every chef I've worked with has always been happy to accomodate small deviations from the menu if the ingredients are in the kitchen and there's the facility to make them.

This was many moons ago, but in all honesty I've never had issues as a customer either with two ARFID family members who have very specific food needs for family occasions...because again, the staff recognise that accommodating two slightly unusual but do-able requests means 10 more people dining from the regular menu is worth the slight inconvenience.

If only for your mother's sake of routine and stability I'd revisit the pub and have a chat with the manager about how much you value this little bit of normal in your lives and would prefer to continue this at his premises due to your mother's illness. If he has any sense or grace he should agree, possibly with the caveat of 'ordering ahead' when you're going to be asking for toasties out of menu sequence. Otherwise ask around for more human focused places that would be happy to accomodate your family and your mum's needs.

Is it a chain pub? If it is you could complain to their head office.
Also post a Tripadvisor & Google review.
Takes nothing to make a toastie and the chef obviously wasn't bothered, and you were paying full price for a plain cheese toastie anyway so they're making a profit!

My daughter briefly worked for a chain pub that pretends the individual locations have autonomy to shape themselves to the local community (except for the over salty menus!). She and a colleague got huge praise on trip advisor for helping with a large family group who had similar issues, a parent with disabilities from a stroke and dementia. The good reviews came from the family and other customers who saw what they did. Neither of them passed probation because they didn't 'fit' with the company values.

I work for a chain pub and we don't serve breakfast items in the afternoon or main meals before lunch or whatever and the kitchen are strict about it.

The reason for this is that we have a small kitchen and some equipment needs to be turned off or settings changed for the main meals.
Also because if other customers see someone getting something different then they will all complain if they can't.

In this case though, I'm sure we would have accomadated you. It wasn't an unreasonable request and as you are regulars and the chef was happy to do it then the manager was just being a total jobsworth. He was probably throwing his weight around because he's new. Pathetic!

What an idiot manager, I mean you won't be back i assume so it's their loss! Hope you find somewhere lovely elsewhere to go

That is absolutely lovely the way she treated your Fil if only more people were like that.

Yep. One and the same

That is so sad and so touching. It's staff like that who keep places in business. It must've been such a worrying time for you all and such a heartbreaking time for your grandad and the staff must've seemed like angels on earth for you looking out for him x

My mum had dementia, she loved hot chocolate. One year at Christmas my sister took her to a pop up cafe in town centre. She posted a picture of her on fb with her hot chocolate and a gorgeous smile. The owners saw it and wrote a lovely message saying how lovely it was and if they went back they could have hot chocolate for free. It doesn't take much and it's one of our favourite memories of mum

What an appalling manager. Has he no idea at all about customer service, and customer loyalty? Is this an independent place? If it's part of some sort of chain I would write to someone higher up and explain the situation. How wonderful of the rest of the staff to take the initiative - I hope they give that new manager a talking to.

Side note but I really hate it when places tell an adult they can't have something from the kids menu 😆sometimes adult portions are enormous and you just want something small!!

Find somewhere else that does a toastie and hope for a kind and friendly waitress... honestly I despair about the new manager, bet the staff are ruffled x

Maybe go back in alone and say this to the manager. Then email everyone higher up the company.

It was so nice of the barman and chef. Surely it's not too much to do for someone who's a long term customer and who's not well. It wasn't like it was a completely new dish.