To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

I know they are cheap and cheerful, but I love the fact Wetherspoons does half size portions of classic pub dishes, they are what I always have (now I've seen the calories on the full size ones).

This manager is being ridiculous, but you know that. A little compassion is needed.

What an absolute cunt the new manager is

Op. You need to find out who the owner is and write him a personal letter. Leave your emotion out of it bar explaining that it was a very distressing situation. Don’t word it as a threat but gently explain as the situation is very unique, your Mum has this familiar treat as one of her joyous and safe spaces can an exception be made for her on her weekly visits. Also note you understand the new manager is trying to follow the rules and you can see how, not understanding your Mother’s situation, he would try and stick by the rules especially when new to the role but you would like to know and be assured someone will have a quite word and be able to allow your Mum her toastie each and every time she comes in. Also say you would like a clean slate and fresh start with the manager.

you aren’t going to win this one by going in next week and asking for what you have already been told you cannot have. So go over his head. It is up to the owner to make a judgement call which I would be fairly certain will be in your favour.

i used to work in a ridiculously fancy 5* hotel where afternoon tea was £40+ PP. no one was allowed to share by rule however we would make exceptions without hesitation for much older people, people who were unwell or had cognitive difficulties when we were made aware. Sure there are always chancers but we would rather have lost some profit and had the wool pulled over our eyes a few times than be callous, heartless and rigid with our customers.

im so so sorry this happened to your Mum. I know what it is like working with people suffering with dementia and how exhausting it is for both them and their families but it sounds like she has a truly amazing family who treat her with the love and respect she deserves as her memory fades. She is very fortunate to have you.

He’s an absolute prize. It sounds like you have a lovely time with your Mum and these routines are so important for people with dementia. It’s so much more than a toastie and an ice cream.

I really hope he never experiences this horrible disease in someone he loves. He should feel ashamed of himself for his total lack of compassion.

No the poster was me and I wasn’t implying it was reasonable ( or hadn’t meant to). More that that might be why he acted that way. I think if OP wants to resolve the situation ( and I think she does; she hasn’t gained much for her mum from a practical pov if they leave a bad review and don’t go back) then it’s worth bearing in mind that might be what was driving his reaction. If she can approach him so as not to trigger those issues ( ie approach him on his own, not during service with staff) she might get further with him. I’m not exonerating him; I’m trying to work round his awkwardness to a satisfactory outcome for OP and her family.

You don't know that for sure though.

I think the manager behaved badly, but having also worked in hospitality there are loads of things that seem 'simple' to the customer, but actually take up a lot of staff time. Especially with current staff shortages.
Worth doing for regular customers who are profitable. But not for the 10th person requesting it as a 'one-off' who aren't going to be repeat/profitable business.

The situation seems to have escalated very quickly. OP's sister threatened to leave, the table next to them got involved, OP's mum got upset witnessing this aggression etc etc. the chef may not have been happy to make the toastie but it was the quickest way to sort the situation and it worked.

Bad management can run a restaurant into the ground, but many of PP stories involve takeover by a chain, usually happens when the original 'great service' restaurant was already struggling. So many establishments have closed because no matter how good they are , people just aren't willing - or able - to turn up and pay in enough volume to keep them open.

I'd give the manager one more chance personally with a quiet word. And complain officially if the still doesn't get it.

https://www.food.gov.uk/business-guidance/cleaning-effectively-in-your-business

https://www.nsf.org/knowledge-library/clean-food-processing-facilities

There you go. If I'm talking nonsense so are a lot of other agencies.

Well to you it would be runner, it would be to you …

So just send a more in sorrow than in anger letter/email to their HQ. How disappointed you are. Hope this isn't disability discrimination. How lovely other staff have been etc. cc it to your local MP.

Also OP you can complain to head office but all this social media flooding, involving your MP is over the top IMO. Just go somewhere else. I have no idea where else you'll find a dinner place that makes toasties.

You have had a bad customer service experience, yes. But the manager hasn't done anything technically 'wrong', unlike say ripping you off, or giving you all food poisioning.He just hasn't done what he 'could' have to retain your business.

If talking to him again and a HO complaint isn't going to change his mind, do you think you'll feel comfortable going back again if he bows to social media pressure and stronger erm disciplinary action? I wouldn't personally. Don't think it would be a great atmosphere

Is there an argument this is disability discrimination by making her order a bigger / more expensive meal than she can manage - just a thought

Oh OP I'm so sorry.

Your story just brought back memories of family meals when my demented grandmother would get stuck in the "soup loop" forgetting that she had eaten her starter (always soup), and then refuse her main (invariably lamb) when it arrived as she hadn't had her soup yet.

The first time it happened the waitress was really confused but the next time she just gamely took the lamb away and brought more soup. She then brought the lamb back out when the soup dish was still in place so there was a visual cue it had been eaten.

The staff were so good to my Gran and we really appreciated it and still eat there.

YANBU

Kudos to the barman for prioritising the comfort and wellbeing of your mum.

I wouldn't go back.

Well you can at least report to customer services (if they have such a thing)
So mean spirited and uncalled for - new broom being a complete arse, as they often are if they're stupid...

You do not understand this guidance clearly. I used to work for the FSA as it happens, and you are still talking nonsense. You do not need to disinfect all removeable parts of a machine after making a toastie for crying out loud. You get daily cleaning schedules, clean as you go working practices, end of day clean downs. Then you get deep cleaning schedules etc. All dependent on the type of food establishment it is and according to the risk assessments. I appreciate you worked in a café, so think you know what you're talking about, but trust me, I'm very highly qualified in food safety, and dissembling equipment to wash and sanitise every removable part after making a toastie is laughable.

Email one of the Alzheimer’s charities and ask them to do some outreach/training with the pub.

I agree. It's way OTT and while poasibley unkind, they don't have to go out of the way for you. Just don't go back. This thread is ridiculous

I know it's ridiculous but my children would also love to have a toastie, even on an evening menu. Can you ask the new manager how much it would be, or id it can be on the evening menu for an adult.
It's such a simple meal this seems incredibly arsey.

Btw we've often ordered off menu with no issues, especially for bread and Cheese

End of day clean down is what I'm referring to. This would be done after lunch as this is a lunch item. If you then use it, you have to do it again. You can't just leave it greasy till tomorrow. Which takes someone away from other jobs. I'm not sure how much clearer I can make myself.

Perhaps we should agree to disagree as we're not adding anything to the thread going round in circles. Our end of day included sanitising. It was in the manual, it was what we had to do. As I say we're going back 18 years here so requirements may have changed but either way it needs some cleaning and how many times a day do you do it? Just the first time someone asks or the first 10 times? Where do you stop? When the lunch menu ends.

And for the millionth time I WOULD HAVE SERVED HER TOO.

Make it on the grill or any other surface

Explain also that you will be letting your friends and other locals know about the manager's attitude to his customers.

I'm a long time server. I would have argued with my manager till I was blue in the face on behalf of your DM. What a bastard

The duty to make reasonable adjustments for disability extends well beyond employment.

I think it technically applies to businesses so would apply to staff and customers? Not 100% though. Not sure you'd get anywhere as not having a particular item available is not discrimination for being disabled so you might be wasting your time there but worth pointing out that she is unnecessarily distressed by being refused and has been a very loyal customer so a bit of flexibility isn't much to ask.