To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

Not really related to the thread which is a 'special exception' but...

Kid's meals are often loss leaders. People mistakenly think that half the food = half the price but that's not true. Ingredients form a very small proportion of the total cost of a meal, the overheads such as labour, utilities etc are the same for all meals.

It's only worth it if said kids are accompanied by adults ordering full-sized meals and drinks, making up the loss.

There are plenty of options for something small without ordering a kids' meal, just starters or sides. Or take the extra home.

Unbelievable. What an absolute arse. Report him. So sorry you had to go through this 😞

We have been to numerous restaurants where they will let you order off the lunch menu for dinner and add an extra $1 or $2 (US). Couldn’t they just serve her the adult’s version of the ice cream and charge accordingly?

it wouldn’t surprise me to find out this is his first managerial role and thinks if he varies one little bit from the rules he will get fired. He does need to learn customer service goes a long way. Not saying he has to make something for your Dear Mother that isn’t on any of the menus, lunch or dinner, but there is discretionary choice. And, kindness.

Even if you don’t say anything publicly, other people saw what happened and word will get around. I hope he comes to his senses and realizes what a jerk he is being. And, how much money he will be costing the company with his horrible attitude. Otherwise, he will be looking for a new job sooner rather than later.

Having lived with my mother for 7 years after her diagnosis, I empathize with you and all your have to deal with. It is horrible to see a loved slowly fading away from the person they were. You are a lovely daughter to do this and protect your mother as you do.

Take care. 🩷

Not sure where you are based but in some areas of UK we have “dementia friendly “ status that can be advertised by businesses and advice etc given to them….although I’m not sure this manger would be interested

This is so sad, your poor DM. I agree with others that you should go and speak to the manager privately and face to face - appeal to his better nature (if he has one). It's worth a try to keep your lovely DM's tea going without upsetting her further. Good luck, please let us know how you get on.

I wouldn’t want to give the business a penny more on principle. I’m sure another local establishment will appreciate and value your regular custom a great deal.

I can't imagine how upsetting the whole situation is, especially for your mom as she's used to that routine, but I would never go back again. Not only they don't value the money you're paying, the new manager had no empathy and not respecting you (and especially not your mom) as a human being. You all deserve to be treated with respect. Go for another place. I wish that manager won't have to deal with this situation with his own parents. 🤗

@Daleksatemyshed From the OP: "a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub".

@socialdilemmawhattodo Interestingly both young women had what in other circumstances would have been protected characteristics, but management used end of probabtion to hide behind rather than admitting 'face (colour, sexuality) doesn't fit'. My DD has gone on to bigger and better things in a different sector.

Actually it's apparently illegal to restrict kid's menus to certain ages as it's age discrimination... I regularly eat the kid's menu at IKEA. It's actually cheaper to have two kids meals than one adult one! Likewise if I want a Pensioners Special I can order it (although I think they are allowed to charge more rather than a special price).

I would be contacting the Brewery about the poor behaviour of the Manager. My Mum ALWAYS had a single scoop of ice cream and every restaurant has always managed to accommodate that for her.

Kindness of chef and bar man made me tear up. New manager needs a new one ripping! I'd complain.

This made me cry....my mum had dementia and sadly passed away 14 years ago. I always remember the kind lady in Tesco every week that took the time to talk to my mum and understood when she would put the shopping straight from the trolley into the shopping bag without being scanned, she would discreetly take them out and scan them never making my mum stressed or anxious. That manager should hope that one day he or a family member of his doesn't need some compassion to make trips out bearable for loved ones.

Who said it's illegal?

Article 4 of the Equality Act 2010 (Age Exceptions) Order 2012 amends Part 7 of Schedule 3 Equality Act 2010.

This allows organisations to offer age-related discounts, concessions or benefits. It is intended to ensure that 'special offers' such as cheap haircuts for pensioners or student railcards are lawful.

what a mean man. Hasn't he got a mother.

Let us know what happened and which chain is it?

In the OPs case though they are paying standard price for less food for the toastie and others eating from the main menu!

I went to a restaurant in the West end earlier this year, and on the menu it was compulsory for every customer to order a drink and main course and bread.

It was pouring with rain and everywhere else was busy, but neither of us wanted bread and didn't eat most of it! (Fair enough they don't want people just ordering a coffee, but I thought it was a bit of a cheek you couldn't have tap water with your meal and you got bread whether you wanted or not!)

As I stated in my original post... You cannot restrict who gets items but you can offer special prices for those items. So a Student Railcard offers a discount not exclusive trains. A pensioner haircut doesn't exclude someone getting the same hair cut. So you should be able to buy a smaller portion of a meal but not at a kid's meal or pensioner deal price.

Well, there's nothing stopping you from requesting smaller portions, but paying the full price for an adult meal. You also don't have to finish all your food.
Why don't you try it next time?
People usually only want a kid's meal because it's cheaper and, like I said, they think less food = much lower cost. There'd be an uproar trying to charge them full price for a kids' meal!

You yourself stated that the kids' meals in IKEA are disproportionately cheaper....

@Fizbosshoes I clearly stated - very first sentence of the post you're replying to -
Not really related to the thread which is a 'special exception' but

I was responding to PP complaint about not being able to order kid's meals when you want something small. Nothing to do with the OP really.

Regarding the restaurant you went to well you now know why they had space when everywhere else was full. Whatever you think of them , they're not doing anything wrong and you still chose to eat there....

Gosh if everyone were like you, all the restaurants would go out of business 😳 I take it you've never worked or owned a business, you do realise they are there to make a profit or at least break even 🤨

The man should be ashamed of himself.
What fantastic staff he has though.
Definitely review his service.
I think you should continue to go. The lovely staff will miss you guys if you stopped. Is there anyone above him you can complain to?

And in this day and age, they should have compassion.

Just thought I would update, as I always want to read the update .

We decided against following it up as we are private people and after so many responses on here was worried what might happen if posted on FB. I did however leave a review saying how wonderful the waitress and bar man were.

Sister has been ringing around to see if we could find somewhere else that would do exactly the same meal and found somewhere who have actually printed on the menu that 'If the kitchen stocks it and can cook it they will do it'.

Today (Monday our usual day) has been very hot so told mum we were on holiday and I took the day off and we've been to the seaside. Her decline is more noticeable on days that don't follow a plan but we've all had a good day and the whole family made it for fish and chips.

Not sure what we will do next week as need routine but thank you to all that replied and shared their views. Alzheimer's is so cruel, having a place to chat anonymously has helped.

Bless you, glad you had a good day at the seaside 😊 it might take your mum a few visits to get used to the new restaurant until it becomes part of her routine 💐

Thanks for update. I did wonder why would happen today

The other venue sounds promising

Maybe go in and discuss with them what your mum would like every Monday and can they help

What a lovely routine you have with your DM. So sorry you and Mum have had such an upsetting and frustrating experience. I do hope you can find a way to make this continue. It sounds like you have the kitchen and waiting staff on your side. Chef has said via barman he's always willing to do it. This is good. xx

I think sometimes automated ordering systems these days may be very rigid and don't allow for anything that isn't explicitly on the current list - I'm not sure.
Perhaps the staff you have a friendly relationship with might know how to get around this part - or maybe they have an idea of how you might be able to gently press your case with the manager.

What is the connection with the brewery? If you can't appeal to the manager's better nature/business sense, perhaps you could let the brewery know directly how much your mum enjoys and benefits from the pub and her routine treats? And then comment on the change in policy.....

Ie " ....It's a shame the policy has changed - is there any flexibility for customers with dementia? Our whole family enjoys this outing every week, and we (and mum) would be disappointed not to be able to continue these with you."

As some posters have said, being "dementia-friendly" is a good thing that many places are proud to promote.

I really hope you can continue this lovely routine with your mum and family, especially as she knows the staff there and benefits from a chat as well as the meal. xx