To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

YANBU but the best outcome for your DM is for things to remain the same. I would try speaking to the new manager again in private to give him chance to back down, and point out how much you have spent as regular customers in the past 18 months. Going ballistic on social media and complaining to head office might work but it might not. IME you might get an apology from the company but they may not back down. They may just say how sorry they are and suggest you go for lunch instead. It might be easier to persuade the new manager to allow your DM to order off menu. £50 - £100 or whatever a week for his figures makes more of a difference to him (and his targets) than the company profits. Unless you are willing to go to Daily Hate Mail sad face stories level of complaining…

The new Manager sounds very mean spirited. Can you find somewhere else where your Mum can have her toastie and ice cream with wafer and made to feel welcome?

If they start treating all regular customers like that they will find that it will empty very quickly. Well done to the chef but you may need to go somewhere else because you don't want to go through the same drama next week especially as it's upsetting.

A Toby Carvery near my Sisters FiL used to be brilliant. He lived about 150 metres away. After his wife died he went every day for his cooked lunch. He struggled with walking and standing so the waitress used to dish it up for him so he just used to use his walker then sit down. The waitress would come and ask what he wanted that day then go and fetch it for him dishing it up herself for him instead of making him queue up. When he got ill they delivered him a hot meal. The waitress dropped it off on her way home. This was all before they did generic delivery. The kind waitress went above and beyond to make sure he had a hot meal everyday. He told his son to give the waitress £1k when he died.

The manager is being a dick but he may not want to publicly back down. For your DM's comfort why not get back in touch and appeal to his better nature? Lay it on thick about your family's weekly visits. He may come round if you pont out how grateful you would be and tell all your friends and family. If he won't budge I would go higher (bet your nice barman or waitress could tell you how to contact the area manager) and again say how you have appreciated the kindness and great service you have previously received. Third option is to find somewhere else to eat but it may be unsettling for your mum.

What an absolute twat and toddler jobsworth and knob ! !!!

Blondes heaves her bosum. I never say things like that !!

Def complain to the head office

The fact you all have something to eat and pay the full price for her meal when eating some bread cheese and cucumber

I hope this does get picked up by the DF(m)

What a lovely manager and chef

Bet they were given the riot act once you had gone

@Calliopespa you say as a new manager he wouldn't know the family circumstances or that they are regulars - but the OP says he's been there 8 weeks. That should be enough time to notice a weekly, large group of regulars.

He doesn't want to look foolish again in front of his staff and customers by backing down.

Of course, we all know he'll find a new way to look like a twat but it appears he doesn't know this and thinks telling you No Toastie is going to keep him safe.

The local press would LOVE this story.

Amazing how many people would like this person to lose their job or for the place to go put of business because they didn't serve someone something that wasn't on the current menu. People are batshit. Talk about first world problems

Trying to navigate life with a parent who has dementia is hardly a 'first world problem'.

Just what a wanker.

Could it be worth going back to try and speak with the manager on your own? Appeal to his good nature and explain that all the staff there know your mum and offer great customer service. And then if he's still an arsehole tell him you'll have to leave bad reviews about his poor management decisions.

Hmmm going to go against the grain here, and think you were being a bit unreasonable. If it's not on the menu then it's not available. The other staff were wrong to offer it when they knew it would put the manager in a spot. It sounds like a compromise could have been made if you explained the situation to the manager rather than threatening to leave... "My DM has Alzheimer's.... what would you recommend is the closest option.

Things do change in service, and its good to have a back up option if the toastie wasn't available for example (if they ran out of bread).

Of course not, I know this. But it's also going overboard for a toastie. If that isn't on the current menu, then it's not. It will be for a reason, not just because the person is being a dick. I feel sorry for anyone trying trying run a business in these hard times. What if the ingredients had run out? What then? I'm guessing if a customer came in and the kid had SEN then they should also be able to order what they want? I don't think it's reasonable. It's fine to ask, but not expect

I'm guessing if a customer came in and the kid had SEN then they should also be able to order what they want?

If it's something that's easy to make from ingredients the kitchen has, and the staff are happy to do it then whyever not?

I haven't run a restaurant/cafe etc but I'm assuming there's a business reason to have different menus and serve at different times. I would never have a customer facing role for these kinds of reasons where people seem to have unreasonable demands

From what OP has said the staff never found the request unreasonable or they would have supported the manager not over ruled him

It is not unreasonable to ask and it's not unreasonable to be surprised and upset when without warning an existing arrangement is ceased

@Galoop yes, there is.

I worked in a bistro for 7 years. It's easy enough when there's one person on a quiet day who wants a change. But when you're busy, and it's 20 people all saying "oh well you let XYZ do this" it gets impossible. That's why a lot of companies will have a hard no policy.

In this case they probably should've just made the toastie but it can become very hard to draw lines and make decisions

This makes sense. And also if you do it once because you can on that day, then someone will get annoyed if you don't do it another day when it doesn't work

'Existing arrangement'.. it's a restaurant menu FFS not a contract of law or service agreement. These things change quite frequently. Fair enough for OP's mother to have been surprised and upset given her condition, and everyone else in relation to her. But not anybody else as a general rule.

I do think the manager should have gone above and beyond , with such regular customers giving them lots of business on a Monday. But people claiming disability discrimination, the Daily Mail etc etc over being denied something that wasn't on the menu are being over the top.

It's about money.

Evening meals tend to have a higher spend per head so they don't want cheaper meals available.

Each bum on seat is money and they want to maximise this hence upselling and evening menus.

Plus a lunch time menu tends to be simpler which a more junior chef can often do without the head chef, meaning they become more confident running a kitchen. Head chefs are more expensive per hour so it also means the restaurant don't need to rota him in on shifts that someone else can do, essentially saving him for peak service and his admin days.

What kind people.

OP, there's no denying this is absolutely awful customer service and the new manager sounds like to a dick head.

But as you say you don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it already is, and routine etc is important to your mum then it could be worth phoning up, or even popping in if possible, to speak to the manager one to one and explain the situation just like you did in your opening post. He sounds like he may have been trying to stamp his authority in his new role and actually backed himself onto a corner, and so might welcome an opportunity to back down and resolve the situation.

Or he could just be a total bell end, in which case full on with the reviews and complaints.

I hope for your mum's sake you are able to resolve it.

Put it on your FB community page, pubs are really going through a tough time, the new manager should be welcoming you with open arms. The pub should be a community hub and serve their community, he shown a really lack of judgement and compassion, your poor Mum ❤️