To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

Awful behaviour from the new manager I would complain above him ( owner /pub co ) and explain clearly and calmly.
New managers often tried to stamp their way on the staff regardless of how well things have been run before them.
It's not as if you are going off menu completely , you are also paying more for less. I've worked pubs and to be honest there often leeway and it's nice having regulars ( your regulars pay your bills, nowhere survives long with one visit and no return often tourists) it's nice to have chats and see how they are. I still see some of my "old boys" from a pub I worked at twenty years ago! One comes over to mine for a coffee and a catch up .
I hope your get this sorted

What an arsehole! He clearly has no experience of caring for someone with dementia and how important routines can be for them. I honestly don't know what I woukd do in your position, OP - I suppose it depends on what whether your mum would be more distressed by a change of restaurant or a change in what she usually eats. The other staff sound lovely, and maybe they might have made the manager realise that he was being really unsympathetic and jobsworthy?

Find out who's above this pompous twat in the food chain and write to/email them. If they have any sense they'll make him apologise.

I had the same with a local pub that was taken over and rebranded. My elderly Dad was treating our family and in laws visiting to lunch. 8 adults and 1 child. . It’s a carvery type and everyone queued to get food. Dad was last as he was paying. He asked for steamed potatoes with his dish instead of the roasted veg on the menu. Thought it was a reasonable request. He was refused. Asked to speak to manager. confirmed no potatoes but could be added in as an extra. My BIL said no way . I’m not eating here. Trays down everyone and went to walk out. Only then did they give in but said substitutions could not be made in future. Also asked for ID from my small 10 year old niece for her kids meal. I never went there again. We would have been frequent customers.

While towns are becoming aware and dementia ‘friendly’. Sounds like this lot are stuck in the Stone Age. Would make an interesting human interest story.

just saying.

How horrible. You should write what you put here on TripAdvisor. They are clearly not friendly towards disabled elderly long term clients. Utterly bizarre that he should act in such a manner. But the chef and barman were great so make sure you include that in the review.

I hope you find a new place for your mum's toastie. Maybe call them in advance and explain her health issues etc just to make sure they're accomodating. But any decent restaurant that has bread and cheese in stock is bizarre for refusing it. Especially if multiple others are having full meals.

What an idiot.

Everyone who has worked in hospitality knows you treat well behaved regulars like royalty.

I understand the background logic to this. If toasties aren't on at the moment and a random customer insists on having one, then the people at the next table might say "Ooh I fancy a toastie too", and then it's in effect on the menu. And if they turn down the second or the third table then someone might say the waiter/manager is being racist or sexist or something, and the next thing you know there's a 1* review saying the toilets were filthy etc etc.

But to turn down an obviously very frail woman when it's obvious that it's a one-off, when chef has the time, and where if the rugby club came in and order 15 toasties the manager could discreetly say "Sorry lads, it was a special one-off, Mrs PubToastie won't be with us much longer"... well, his name must be Warwick Hunt.

I would actually go in on another day and ask to have a private chat with the new manager. Go in smiley and forgiving and see if you can appeal to his human side. Explain the whole situation and ask if he might be prepared to honour the arrangement going forwards. Really hammer home how much it would mean to you all and see if he can be convinced. It might be that he's had a chat with the staff since you left and is now more understanding.

If not, take to social media as he's clearly a prick.

This is the exact reason why pubs and restaurants fail and close. Glad your dm got her toastie. I agree pp about leaving reviews about the ‘manager’. No compassion and thoughtlessness will be their downfall.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. Give him one chance when you're on your own and it's a quiet time. It's quite possible that, as someone in a new senior role and trying to do everything by the book, he didn't take in the situation with your mum and why a change in the rules like that would be particularly upsetting for her. It's also likely he didn't realise you're a big party of regulars who it would be wise to keep on the right side of. I'd give it one attempt in good faith to smooth things over.

Is this a chain place. In which case write to the ceo. How disgusting and upsetting for you all.

What an officious git. It's not as if she was asking for anything complicated! Thank goodness for the lovely chef.

My sister's village had a pub with a great chef/owner who served a varied menu with lots of local produce.
It was taken over by a chain, who were really draconian about a rigid menu of prepacked microwave guff, no specials.
Village ended up with no pub.

The new manager is an absolute cunt. resturants always make allowances for vulnerable people (or should if they dont)

Well done to the chef and bar man.

Idiotic manager has made a stupid decision, and has doubled down so made it difficult for him to admit he was wrong now.

I'm not sure what to do - the staff all sound great and your mum likes it there, so it would be good if there was someway you could continue going.

Yes, good idea.

No, that's for employment.

New manager sounds like a pathetic jobsworth.
Not very charitable of me, but I hope he gets a taste of his own medicine sometimes and finds himself in the same position he put you in.

I'm sorry your DM was upset, hope she's okay now.

What an absolute prick....it's a toasty FFS..
Fucker needs to learn about empathy.

guess he’s been lucky so far and not yet experienced any of his family having this illness or I’m sure he’d change his tune . your poor Mum needs her routine and this weekly treat x

Summed it up in 6 words

I'm so sorry you experienced this. And I'm also sorry that someone would much rather argue the toss over a cheese sandwich and scoop of ice cream instead of doing what's right for an unwell woman.

People are indeed cunts at times

Thanks all.

My mum is quite visually unwell so it wouldn't be difficult to say that she was a special case. We would be happy to pay more if the price is an issue, although cheapest main meal is only £1.00 more.

But we also spend a significant amount each week, I can't understand that the saving from stopping DM from having a toastie and kids ice cream equals the loss of our 2 course meals and drinks week in week out.

It’s been 20 years since he died but I’ve always felt a wave of gratitude to the staff of the Brewers Fayre near my Granddad’s flat. After my Nanny died he went very downhill with frailty and alcoholism, they were childhood sweethearts and he’d never been alone. He used to walk across the common every day, they’d make sure he had a child’s fish and chips and his first red wine of the day and would call him at home 30m after he left to make sure he’d made it back across the common and was safely watching TV until my mum would get there after work and sorting us kids to do him some toast and try and suggest (unsuccessfully!) not to open the whisky. They were the ones who found him on the common the day he didn’t answer the phone after a heart attack, summer of 2004. He’s very missed.

Sorry, probably a bit off topic but these staff are worth their weight in gold and do a marvellous job and if the new manager can’t see that then he’s a cunt of the highest order. Where’s the humanity.