To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

Absolutely. I'm sorry he was being like this.

Could you go in next week same time without mum just you. I’d really be tempted to take something for the chef and bar staff (chocolates/thank you card etc) Say thank you for kindness and how much mum has enjoyed coming in for 18 months. If he has any decency he’d apologise and say ok to toastie/icecream. If not draw a line and your mum isn’t exposed to any more arguments and the staff know how appreciated they were. Then leave frank reviews everywhere inc local Facebook gossip page.

I used to be an elderly care nurse on a ward that had fantastic catering staff. Many our patients preferred their main meal at lunch so we usually had lots of sandwich orders in the evening. All made in our kitchen with love and care, accommodating patient likes and dislikes and often involved popping to the supermarket next door to get special requests. Catering team taken over by a company that begins with M and rhymes with Shitie. Catering manager was advised they must no longer make jam sandwiches. Could provide two slices of bread and a pot of jam but couldn’t make sandwiches!

Can you go over the cunt's head? That's appalling, your poor mum. It doesn't take a lot of effort to make a fucking toastie!

If you can't get him overruled, name and shame.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud
On the week my mum finished her chemo, we went out for lunch to celebrate as it had been pretty full on. Her appetite was tiny and she just wanted a kids meal but we were refused it. She had no hair and looked fucking awful, it must have obvious she was ill but they wouldn't budge. She won't set foot in the place again.

@Justrolledmyeyesoutloud

That is horrendous. The extra fiver they probably made out of someone ordering from the main menu obviously meant more to them than supporting a customer at a vulnerable time.

This makes me so sad and so angry. You are not being unreasonable, at all. I'm so glad the other staff were accommodating and lovely but I don't understand why the manager would behave like that, what a bully.

Catering team taken over by a company that begins with M and rhymes with Shitie

Ah shitie Mitie as they were known when I worked in the NHS. Used to send 3 men out to change a lightbulb on a ward and then bill the NHS £230. I’m not even joking.

What a fucking idiot. The manager, not you, Your poor Mum.

“As a new manager it’s important he is able to take the helm and his authority is not usurped by his staff.”

Oh give over, you have to be pathetically insecure to believe you can’t ever be seen to change your mind.

That manager is lacking in both service skills and humanity, I’m so sorry you had that experience.
I’d be inclined to copy this thread into an email to the pubs owners, if for no other reason than to hopefully open their eyes a bit to how self-defeating this style of ‘by the book’ hospitality management can be. They are losing a regular chunk of income as well as a heap of good will for a sodding Toastie and a tiny bit of flexibility. Hospitality in name only the absolute sods

I would post reviews saying exactly that. That you have been going there for 18 months and no complaints until this moment with this new manager, and praising the solution offered by the other members of staff.

These behaviours must be called out so they are not repeated over and over again. It’s appalling behaviour against a dementia patient for a toastie and ice cream!

Re the post where the restaurant wouldn’t serve an adult a child’s meal.

What if customers turned up and only ordered starters, would the manager say they couldn’t do that as they had to all have mains as well?

A menu is exactly that. You order what you want. No one can tell you what to order, how much you should eat or what you should spend.

Well he might be …

That's no excuse.

If the place generally is nice, wouldn't it be better to fix it then go elsewhere, or antagonize him by going over his head?

I suppose both your party and the personnel took it for granted, he was kind of put on the spot and didn't have an apportunity to decide he agrees.

I'd suggest a polite email, explain your DM has this condition, that weekly family lunch routine is one of her joys and ask whether it can be accommodated going forward, and that previously it was billed some way, but you are open to adjust in that point.

Does the pub have an app ordering system? Just do that if they have it so it goes straight into the kitchen!

Ahh edited to add that probabaly won’t work if it’s on the lunch menu!!

Exactly and it has cost them more than £5 in lost revenue because we won't go back and we eat lunch out a lot - especially now mum os better☺️

Indeed, but that poster implied it was reasonable if so

This is what I think. You don’t normally end up with a good outcome by going ballistic. The best you get is getting it off your chest/ a sense of revenge. But aren’t you really wanting to resolve it oP?

What a load of utter tosh!!

Heart-breaking yet comforting at the same time x

What a dick. Your poor mum.

Could you ask on your facebook local pages for suggestions of local venues which could accommodate your mum’s preferences? Explain that the establishment you’ve been going to for 18 months has a new manager and seemingly no longer wants your custom. I like the idea of you popping in to thank the staff for their kindness over the past 18 months. Keep us posted if you can. I wish you and your mum well.

I would potentially approach the manager again either by phone/email or in person and fully explain the situation and your request at a time when you both have time to discuss without your mum being present to further upset her. If he isn’t still prepared to compromise and accommodate then I would escalate above him. If they are prepared to lose your custom and all the money you would have been spending over a toastie and a scoop of ice cream then quite frankly they don’t deserve your custom. Hope you get this resolved to enable your mum to still enjoy this routine. You sound a lovely family. Good luck x