To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

Clearly his staff already have the measure of him ...

Please write to the people above such a shame as its so wonderful that it was such a lovely positive experience for your family and I would really stress that part and how disappointed you all were .so sorry for you all

New manager is an absolute dick but bravo to the chef for making your mum her toastie. Yes it's only a toastie but it's the routine your mum is familiar with and to have it broken results in what happened. I hope your lovely mum enjoyed her toastie and can continue to have it served

Don't let this go by without complaining to the corporate owners. Call their media / PR department and ask who you should escalate to.

The mean little manager is a huge liability they should know about.

That is lovely

Awful customer service from new management. Go above their head either to the owner or to the company if its a chain. If you contact them directly I'm sure they'd love to reassure you rather than risk the PR nightmare this could potentially turn into for them. Sorry he treated you so badly.

My friend’s family ran one of the pubs in our town growing up. It was a bit of an old man’s boozer type place. Her dad would often carry out welfare checks if they hadn’t seen one of the regulars for a couple a days. He unfortunately found more than one of them dead in their houses. This is going above and beyond in the duty of being a pub landlord, not allowing an unwell woman a toasty and child’s ice cream is pathetic.

I would complain to the owners tbh.

Honestly OP for her sake I would try and go above the managers head. Some people are just absolutely heartless, it's sickening.

On the week my mum finished her chemo, we went out for lunch to celebrate as it had been pretty full on. Her appetite was tiny and she just wanted a kids meal but we were refused it. She had no hair and looked fucking awful, it must have obvious she was ill but they wouldn't budge. She won't set foot in the place again.

I'd complain to HQ before leaving a nasty review. The staff are good and don't deserve what's coming down the line if this officious prick runs the place into the ground.

I wonder if places like this appreciate that things like a free child's ice cream builds goodwill that ensures repeat custom.

On a slight tangent I went to my local pub where a meal and one drink for 5 cost £100. I won't be rushing back. My local Italian would have charged more like £70 for the same number of us. I wondered if they realise we go to pub chains because it's cheap and easy. It's not a gastro pub. It's just frozen food. I think the crisis in the hospitality industry is going to put more pubs out of business if they ignore what the customer wants.

Gosh this has really upset me! What a wanker, your poor mum.
I think that manager won’t be there in a few weeks’ time.

I’m sorry this must be super upsetting when DM had her comfortable routine and got pleasure from it.

It did sound as though the other staff recognise your custom and were lovely people.

I think the manager was in the wrong BUT, just to provide a bit of a different perspective, I can see how he was wrong-footed and why he might have behaved as he did. As a new manager it’s important he is able to take the helm and his authority is not usurped by his staff. And, as a very general principle, not letting adults order off the kids menu and not cooking things off menu are reasonable boundaries.

He would also not have been privy to the fact you and your family are good regulars - and may not have understood about your mum. Even if he started to get the picture, I can see he might feel as manager his word should stand.

I’d arrange to drop by and discuss it with him one day. Explain about your mum, that it’s a big thing to her each week, that the staff know how to do it just as she likes and you all come regularly as a family. I think if he isn’t being challenged in front of his staff and put in the spot he may find it easier to agree some concessions. He can always put a two slice toastie with four slices of cucumber on the menu at the price you pay - and noone else will likely order it🤷🏻‍♀️ If they do he’ll double his profit!

Ah that was so good of them. I used to work in a shop and we would always call a regular up on tje phone if we hadn't seen them for a while and knew they weren't on holiday. Sorry for your loss, doesn't matter how long ago it was xx

This is awful. Can you contact the owner directly & put in a complaint? You visit every single week with your precious mum, how dare he treat you all so badly. Also can you put up a TripAdvisor & google review, social media is very powerful in this aspect. I would be so upset if someone treated my lovely, elderly mum with such ignorance. Where the hell is his compassion?

This exactly, it’s a breach of the Equality Act. Write to the brewery / owners and explain the Manager clearly discriminated against a vulnerable adult by refusing to make a reasonable adjustment, ask if their Equality & Diversity policy is available in all establishments.

This makes me so sad. What is wrong with people. Your poor mum.

Lump in my throat, your mum must have been beside herself out of routine.

I see that you've said you want no fuss. In that case I'd perhaps go and see the manager during a quiet period during the day. Discuss your mum's needs with him, how it made her feel and what accommodations have been made in the past. He may just be following the party line and unaware of the backstory. You might be surprised by what a kind chat without emotion might achieve.

Just don't go back. Sometimes places just won't be flexible. They think if they do it for one they do it for everybody.

I’d try more low key first. He may have just not understood the situation, and by the time he began to he had put his line in the sand as manager.

Sometimes DH comes home and something is happening that isn’t the normal routine for dc. I will always have had a reason for deviating but have had to ask him to please consult me quietly first as I know that once he has voiced his authority ( “ no you can’t do that.” “ But mummy said ..” “ No, I said no…”) he is loathe to go back on it 🙄 I can see how for a manager establishing his leadership that could have played a part.

What a complete arsehole the manager is! He doesn't deserve the business and this place is sure to go down the pan now.
So sorry for your mum though and her routine 🥲

I was going to say this but maybe go in alone first. Clarify that the new manager won’t change position first, then let lose. Local face book, next door app, trip advisor, the lot. What a horrible person! I’d not go there if I read your review.

Thank you for doing that, it’s important in these times to remember there’s some good in the world x

Shockingly worrying that the new manager can behave like this and have no insight/understanding into the needs of people ; especially those with specific requirements that enhance their quality of life. Surely there needs to be discretion. I really think you should report this to the Head Office; at the very least it might prevent someone else having a similar experience