To think they should have just made the Toastie?

[PubToastie]

NC as identifying.

We go for tea every Monday at a local pub, tied to brewery but independent, they have recently taken over another local pub.
Been going about 18 months every week since my DM Alzheimer's diagnosis. (When I haven't been able my sister and her husband takes her)

Every week we book the same table and DM always has a toastie from the lunch menu.

But instead of having it how it comes which is with four slices of bread, multiple fillings, chips, salad and coleslaw for £7.99 she has two slices of bread with cheese and four slices of cucumber. At best she eats half -We still pay the full amount.

For pudding she always has the one scoop vanilla ice cream with wafer from the kids menu. She always eats the wafer but never the ice cream but gets upset if the ice cream isn't served. Then she has a cup of tea.

At a minimum there are three other adults having 2 courses and drinks. Sometimes our teen children join, sometimes my sister and her young family join us all so can be 12 people, 11 ordering from the official menu and my mum.

We went yesterday and the new manager was there, he has been there about 8 weeks since they took over the new pub, (as the old manager moved) the normal bar man and normal waitress was there all who know us and that DM has Alzheimer's.
Normal waitress sat us down and as always chats to my mum, same conversation she has every week but the routine of all of this makes my mum at ease and we always have a lovely time.
Last night there was six of us, we all order and then waitress comes back and awkwardly tells us we can't have the toastie as its on the lunch menu, I laugh thinking it is a joke but waitress is very apologetic and says new manager won't allow it.
So I ask new manager to come over and he confirms that toastie is only at lunch and that as DM is an adult she can't have the kids ice cream either. My sister who is much more assertive than me says if there is no toastie then we would all leave as DM won't eat anything else (this is true) manager then says 'you won't leave' so sister gets up and tells us all to leave. Mum then gets upset and keeps saying 'but I want my toastie, that lovely girl said I could have my toastie '
Then the table next to us, who have heard it all asks why my mother can't have a toastie and it all gets a bit horrible as DM gets very upset.

Bar man who has seen all this has gone to chef had toastie made and brings it out to DM and is just brilliant, tells us that chef is always ready to make the toastie. New manager storms off.

We have dinner as normal.

As we leave manager comes over and says we can't have it next week as it is only for lunch and children.

AIBU to think that this approach is crazy we won't go there again?

Sorry it is so long

Email the pub co, especially if it's a 'brand'
Ridiculous behaviour from the manager from a landlady of 15 years

what a dick-clearly shouldnt be in hospitality woulnt hurt and the chef didnt mind

I understand why you don’t want to post a review as it means you have to set out private family circumstances. If it were me I would write to the owners ( if it’s a chain address it to the CEO by name) and let them know what one bit of stupidity will cost them - praise the barman and chef. Mention reasonable adjustments for dementia sufferers and how this is a growing need with increase in dementia so they can either make a name as being dementia friendly or for being difficult and sadly you are likely to share your experience with fiends and there were of course others in the pub who witnessed it and will no doubt share with their family / friends - all bad publicity. From personal experience this approach usually works. If nothing else you will feel better for writing. So sorry you had to experience such an awful situation which was completely unnecessary for you, your family or your dear mum.

Commenting again, have read the OP again and honestly have shed tears over this. That manager is a complete and utter dick. To approach you when leaving like that. Instead of taking the time during your meal to talk to his staff about your family circumstances and find out about your loyalty as customers, then come and apologise for his misunderstanding, he's decided his ego comes first and then gets his dig in to you as you leave.

Honestly, dicks like him should not work in the hospitality industry, he doesn't know the meaning of the word, literally. I trained at a top hospitality college and it sickens me that fuckwits like him, with no formal training no doubt are swanning about as managers, destroying the industry. Utter fuckwit.

I mean I can see his point. It's not just five minutes for a toastie. If they only do them at lunch then the machine has already been cleaned ready for the next day. So it's actually 5 minutes for the toastie then 20 minutes disassembling, cleaning and reassembling the damn thing for the sake of one customer. (can you tell I worked in a cafe as a teenager?😂)

During that time either other customers orders are being delayed or staff end up staying late unpaid to do extra cleaning that should and would have been done right after lunchtime.

The no adults ordering the kids menu is also pretty standard although we never worried about it as a rule but I can see how a bigger chain might.

I'd do it for a regular though, especially someone in your mums position who comes every week and is polite and friendly with the staff. I think go in and talk to him, explain the situation, how long this has been her routine, say you understand its inconvenient and not the norm and ask if he would be willing to make an exception for your mum, given the circumstances. I'd say yes, personally.

We had a manager like this once, didnt last long as no one took a blind bit of notice of him. I was the assistant at the time and he couldnt have done a bloody thing without me as he hadnt a clue (not sure how he got the job tbh) and I authorised the floor staff to take the order and the kitchen manager authorised the chefs to make it. We just ignored him and his ranting. It was a young lad with autism, maybe 16/17. Always had the same thing but then it was taken off the menu. But the ingredients were available (think a bacon cheeseburger being rebranded with an added fried egg say) so we would just put it through as the new version and let the kitchen know.

That family came to us for every single meal out as they knew that they could always get the food he would eat in a way he liked it. Big celebrations costing hundreds or a simple lunch, it was always with us. It would have cost the company thousands over a year to lose their custom, not the mention the basic humanity of doing something nice for someone.

Like I say, he didnt last long.

Come off it, @Balloonhearts - this (mis)manager wasn't thinking about extra work for the staff - they were very happy to make the toastie (no idea what sort of machine takes 20 mins to clean... maybe the chef just made one in a pan of under a grill if commercial machines are really such a pain).

Some people really are just small-minded jobs worths I'm afraid.

Hopefully the pub is part of a chain. In any case, point out that shops have a LEGAL OBLIGATION to make reasonable adaptations for disabled people Refusing an Alzheimer's patient a child's meal or a meal which is available at other times of day, which your kitchen staff are itching to cook for this customer, cannot be justified. Threaten legal action!

Write to the company and explain the situation and how this interaction made you feel.
If they acknowledge your issue positively, call ahead before you go next time to make sure that your mum can have her usually.
If they negatively acknowledge your issue, leave reviews. If you don't like to link the reviews to you, ask your sister to do it or do it anonymously.
Make sure to mention the waitress, bartender and chef though as they went above and beyond. Specifically mention this is down to new management.

I've worked in hospitality most of my adult life and I've bent over backwards for much smaller things than this. As far as I'm concerned, every little act of hospitality and kindness can make the world of difference to people. And yes that includes hanging around to clean a toastie machine.

If its a pub kitchen it wont be a breville type arrangement, it will be done in a totally different way. We do grilled sandwiches at lunch and they are done on the same bit of kit that does elements of the full menu. The whole kitchen is on the go until close down so it wouldnt be an issue.

As usual, mad on his tiny bit of power

My elderly aunt&uncle were regulars for food in their local pub for years and any time the family visited we all went. After my aunt died my uncle continued to go just the same but by himself. When he was unwell or it was icy the staff used to take his meal to his house instead. They were so very kind. It doesn't take much to make a difference to someone.

Your mum's been poorly treated. Not to mention the foolishness of losing the additional orders from the rest of the family as a result. It's a real shame. I'd try and complain higher up.

I agree with this. Make a point of mentioning that it clearly wasnt the issue he made it out to be and how helpful the other staff were. Fingers crossed he fails his probation!

And also making the point about disability discrimination, the parent company will shit themselves.

Some people have no common sense or compassion.

We went to an independent cafe recently for lunch and drinks and I asked for a salad sandwich (there wasn't anything else I could order on the menu, due to dietary restrictions and some items being sold out) to which the owner said no, they didn't offer salad sandwiches on the menu.

I checked that she had salad, she said yes, and I asked if she had bread, she said yes, so I asked why it's not possible for a salad sandwich! But she refused point blank, repeating that she didn't sell them.

I said that I would be happy to pay the cost of a cheese salad sandwich and she could just leave the cheese out while making it. But nope.

Her cafe, her (very odd) rules I guess, so we left and ended up going to Subway. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sandwiches, drinks and snacks for both of us ould have come to about £25, she obviously didn't want our custom.

I would contact the owner/brewery and speak to their customer services team. It's a real shame if you have to stop going because of this and upset your mum's routine.

Sure, for this one customer. But as a policy, I can understand it. Like I said in my last paragraph that you clearly did not read, I would have made it for her too. She's a regular. But he is new, doesn't know them and is enforcing a policy. A policy which makes sense. Which is why I suggested talking to him.

And yes, some machines are fuckers to clean which is why they don't want to be doing it for every Tom Dick and Harry. Or at least to clean to food hygiene regulations. All removable parts must be removed and soaked in sanitiser for a set amount of time depending on the sanitiser. Iirc our was 15 minutes. Coffee machines are even worse. Water has to be at 110 degrees I think it was in order to kill legionella and something else I can't remember, sorry its been near 18 years. If it isn't, whole machine shuts down and cycle begins again.

It's not like cleaning at home where I dunk the plates in soapy water, scrub with a scourer and declare it grand.

If as a pp said it is done on the same grill as everything else then he's just being a knob but can't see why they'd be that strict if it doesn't involve some kind of inconvenience. I mean I've managed teams and frankly if it doesn't affect productivity I don't give a shit what they do. They can break all the pointless policies they want in a pink tutu as long as they do their jobs. Just seems a strange thing to do for the heck of it if there's no reason.

Some pubs and restaurants have a pensioners meal.

Even McDonald's does! It's a burger small fries and tea. For about £4, I can't remember the exact price.

Perhaps you could encourage this manager to introduce one of these pensioners meal deals to his place. Even just one day a week.

That could encourage more elderly people to come out and make more profit?

My mum refuses to eat in a restaurant as she is tiny and thin and will eat only a few bites and she says it's such a waste.

Your place could have a limited pensioners only menu. Perhaps a single slice of bread toastie with various fillings, soft drink/tea and a single scoop of ice cream - for a fair price.
Or small portions of other things.

Pensioners could provide proof of age if he wants to make sure no 60 year olds are taking advantage of the low prices that are intended for older people!

We all know eateries need to make profits to stay open but they will lose customers if they act like pricks.

But tbf, loads of places cook toasties on the griddle. Most of the bars and restaurants I've worked in did anyways

You go above the manager, and whilst I understand about privacy, I've always found twitter or X (not used it in years) amazing to get a resumption when you publicly call out a business. His behaviour was rude and unecessary. This is a very small accomodation no one minds making for your mum. He got undermined by his staff and is now trying to flex his authority. Shit the little turd down. I'd be going to everyone.

Yanbu and I would never normally suggest this but the new manager is completely 100% in the wrong and just being an arsehole so I would put it all over social media what happened local Facebook pages, TripAdvisor, tiktok. Literally everywhere

If you do intend to put it "out there" be very precise in the fact it was the manager, as the regular staff tried their best and it would be awful if they copped the flack on it

You're talking nonsense. A machine does not need to be stripped down after making a toastie, soaked and sanitised for 15mins. Perhaps your café owner was completely anal with an over the top daily cleaning schedule. I have a degree level Food Safety qualification, the same one that Environmental Health Officers have and honestly, you're talking nonsense.

Yes this add onto the regular staff have been brilliant