To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

Being abused, my arse.

Spot on. 🎯

Either that, or he's trying to look big in front of his mates and behind closed doors he's totally different. That would make him a massive coward and I think I would want to speak with his parents to see how they feel, and maybe have a word with him. Having a word shows you care about this bride. Unfortunately, I see too many women settling just so they can wear the dress and show off on the day - Is that their fault, though? Has their vanity and naivety brought on their problems?

My SIl is about to marry someone who controls her and treats her like a child because he's far older. They have children together. I think she just settles for a tiny amount of love and getting to wear a big dress.

Sadly we live in a society that values "bantz" a little too much. It has its place, but there is also room for just doing the right thing. Your own fucking wedding in one such occasion.

I was in one where both the best man and the groom said disparaging things about the bride.

It was awful. Really spelt the end of any desire on my part to maintain a relationship with them.

This definitely sounds like a groom wanting to impress his friends without a thought for how his bride might be feeling and the sadness and embarrassment his words would cause. This reminds me of a wedding I attended a few years ago when the bride was presented with a rosette for being- in the words of her DH- a show pony. Cue some uncomfortable laughter from a few guests and a definite change in atmosphere

They say there's always trouble at a wedding!
If that had been me sitting listening to such shit coming out his mouth as his supposed wife... I would have got my wedding bouquet and rammed it where the sun dont shine up his back side and threw the wedding drink to toast with in his face!
What a total prick!!!

I think this summarises it.

My now ex husband and I lived together in the early 80s. My parents were Victorian in outlook and refused to visit us etc because we weren’t married. I really didn’t want to get married - ever - but in the end we caved just to keep the peace really. At the reception my ex thanked everyone for their best wishes and good luck, but he was sure we’d be ok as we’d been practising for four years already! The faces 🤣 We did manage to stay married through 18 years and three children although I always knew I wouldn’t be with him for ever; I left when his drinking got out of control. Parents didn’t like that either.

Sounds like a typical lad who never grew up. Ball and chain. Big stag do since it is the last night of freedom. Night away with lads before life is over. The nag at home. The prison guard. The general who puts you into your place. All these fun ways to describe wife.

Best case scenario is that he really loves her and was playing it up for the lads. Worst case scenario is that he os one of those guys who never could decide what he wanted so he's just going along with it. I know quite a few last attempt to save the relationship marriages and babies. Cause that's the solution when it's not bad enough to leave.

I think the perceived pressure to be funny coupled with lack of experience of public speaking can result in some terribly misjudged speeches.

Agreed. Sounds like he googled "funny groom speeches".

I went to a wedding once where the bride had a best woman who gave a speech. For context, the bride was stunningly good looking and the groom, well, he wasn’t a looker, but he was very, very rich. The best woman made a joke along these lines, “So Antonia, what was it that first attracted you to the millionaire Dylan Brown?” People laughed, but it was dead awkward as most of us thought she had only married him for his money. They’re still together nearly 20 years on though, so I guess we were wrong.

yes this. I went to a wedding once where the father of the bride pulled out an itemised receipt of everything he had spent on her since she was born. School fees, ponies, finishing school etc. No speech, just a reading down the list. At the end he handed it to the groom and just said ' Yours'.

It was fucking awful.

It won’t last. I was married in my twenties and I remember my heart breaking when my husband didn’t say anything about me in his speech. It was about three lines long and just off the cuff, it seemed like he didn’t care. He then got in a fight 🙄 We divorced within 3 years.

In contrast, my now DH did a beautiful speech referencing our relationship and made me feel so special. We’re still going strong after nine years.

😲

For real?!😂

Agree, sounds horrible and concerning

I went to a wedding a few years ago similar atmosphere. It was awful and awkward throughout. The brides family and friends were glaring at the groom whilst his mates were lapping the speech up and laughing loudly.

A week later we got a letter explaining that they had split up and was returning money and gifts and thanked us for coming. It wasn't just due to his behaviour at the wedding it was a catalogue of poor behaviour.

What I didn't understand is why go through with the wedding when there is a build up of that type of behaviour?

She got married again this year at Easter such a difference, the atmosphere was completely different and the speech was truly from his heart, not one dry eye in the room from family and friends. I really do think the type of mates a groom has, has impact on their behaviour.

No complaints from my husband his mates were amazing, and there's a good mix of them. My husband is amazing too, I didn't have to warn him or ask him not to say anything as I knew he's not like that.

My husbands speech was dire. Literally waffled for 30 seconds and sat down 🙄 but he isnt comfortable with that sort of thing. He tried to write a speech but "kept making an arse of it" so apparently decided to wing it....and still make an arse of it 😂 if he had said, id have done the speech part but its happened now.

If it made anyone uncomfortable, they knew where the door was 🤷🏼‍♀️ a speech doesnt determine a marriage

Disrespectful I can’t imagine anyone but his immature friends though it was funny
he sounds very immature and maybe he spends too much time with kids makes him act like one
i feel sorry for her and don’t think it sounds like this marriage will last but who knows maybe he is better behaved behind closed doors and it’s his social persona is showing off in front of friends trying to be funny

My husbands best man did a really good, somewhat cheesy speech. He was very nervous bless him. We had both been married before so he opened with "id like to welcome everyone back again" 😂

I accompanied a boyfriend to his daughter’s wedding. His father of the groom speech was all about how she loved money and her husband has better watch out that she would overspend on the credit card. It didn’t go down well and made him look an idiot

Father of the groom? Or father of the bride? Was it your boyfriend who gave the bad speech or the father or the guy his daughter was marrying who gave the bad speech?

I went to the wedding of a woman I worked with years ago from menory she was mid to late 20s. The father of the groom did a speech where he said that the new bride had given his son an ultimatum that they get married or break up. He said he advised his son to not do it, and 'I guess we'll see how long it will last. It was horrendous, it wasn't an attempt to be funny or anything. Just said in a slightly angry, disapproving way.
I changed jobs and we lost contact so no idea how it went.

Two speeches stick out in my memory for the wrong reasons. The first, the bride was very beautiful and slim. The two bridesmaids were, strikingly, very much neither of those things. The groom opened his speech with “I’d like to thank the bridesmaids for making Katie look beautiful” with a smirk. There was an audible intake of breath as everyone looked at each other, questioning ‘did he really mean to say that?!’

The second, the father of the bride took the opportunity of his speech to ramble on about his own career, and kept making jokes about the bride’s age. It was self centred and unkind.

If the first wedding was in 2018 then I think we were at the same wedding! 🤣 everyone in the room was like 👀 and didn't know where to look. Definitely in the top three of most awkward weddings I'd been to.