To feel uncomfortable with groom's speech at his wedding?

[Dygger]

My cousin's son married his girlfriend of 12 years at the weekend and my partner and I were invited. During his speech at the reception the groom made a number of 'jokes' about being forced unwillingly into marriage. They weren't very funny or clearly ironic. There wasn't much tenderness or love emanating from him. The main topic of his speech was how he hadn't wanted to marry but she did and so here he was with his arm twisted behind his back. His friends (he plays football and there were a lot of football friends there) thought it was hilarious. He said something along the lines of 'I know you're all expecting me to tell you how much I love Katie, but we've lived together for 12 years and so neither of us have any illusions about each other.' She seemed a bit subdued. Her speech was very short but she did say she loved him 'despite everything' which got a laugh. It was all rather unsettling and created a strange atmosphere. We left as soon as we politely could.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did your own husbands say anything really inappropriate in their wedding speeches? I'm trying to understand why he did it. He's an English teacher, so he's someone who knows words matter.

Agreed.
I tend to filter out whatever’s being said anyway..
I get it, you love her, she loves you, wishing you all the best.

Relationships change when you have a child and sometimes men turn out to be less keen on children and childcare than anyone suspected. Just read half the threads on Relationships or AIBU. So if a woman's going to protect her rights — while she takes a year (at least) out of work and then takes on all the extra physical and emotional burden of raising children, the least she can do is be legally married. That way, if the relationship ends, she has stronger rights.

No one is required to be their partner's carer. In fact my partner and I are really clear that if either of us ends up developing dementia we have permission to leave and enjoy what's left of our lives. We've both had parents and elderly relatives who've had dementia and we've done enough dementia care, thank you. Life is too precious, particularly those final active years, to be trapped at home answering the same questions 20 times an hour.

He'll be the type to be on dating sites looking for extra marital sex - and claiming wifey doesn't understand him, it's a sexless marriage, and they're in separate rooms at night.
Then brag about it to his footie mates.

Went to a friend’s wedding where the Father of the Bride speech was like this and honestly the next day at breakfast, all we could talk about was how much of a dick he was.

Although way out of the market for such things I do worry about the "wedding industry" and the waste and bad behaviour that goes on at such times.

How can any young couple now afford the cost which runs into £10000s?

I am reminded of the squirming speech in "I give it a year" film.

I think we spent about £40 all those years ago and added a cheap fight to Paris!

Nothing more laughable than elderly dating.

Good grief! You just can't help yourself, can you!

What an idiot showing off to his footie friends.

Send any cash gift to her directly for her escape fund

What disgusting ageism

Because a victim of abuse would really use a social occasion to make their abuser the butt of a joke and have everyone laugh at them. He's clearly terrified of her.

I mainly hate that kind of speech as it's such a fucking ourdated cliche, especially as I often think men want and need marriage more than women. But it does sound sad if the whole delivery wasn't very warm either - though could just be him being bad at public speaking and not knowing how to deliver those lines affectionately.

So, wait… it’s her fault he’s a cunt?

No, it is her fault that she was a 12-year old doormat for a cunt!

She wanted marriage and a baby with that cunt. Teachers get good pensions she's entitled to half his pension as well if it doesn't work out after 18 years. She probably felt her years slipping away and he has a few bob and property together I am assuming so why not.

A friend went to a wedding where the best man mentioned that the groom had briefly been in prison when he was much younger - the bride knew but her family didn’t and were upset.

An old work colleague was chief bridesmaid at her sister’s wedding. The father of the bride speech was all about how much better the bride was than her sister. That can’t have felt good. The bridesmaid was a sensible young woman who was well thought of at work.

She earns more than him. She works in the pharmaceutical industry.

I hate the use of a good Anglo-Saxon word describing an amazing part of a woman's body as an insult. Something's gone wrong with MN. There's so much bitterness on display here.

I think the sort of person who writes she was happy to be his fuck buddy for 12 years without a commitment from him - so why does he have to afford her any respect?
Is a cunt themselves and should be ignored.

Sorry, I don't think it was your intention for your cousin's son to be looked at in a bad way on this thread. I didn't mean it she's probably used to all his jokes even the bad ones and sees him in a completely different light. You will all laugh about it in years to come. They probably don't take eachother or themselves seriously which I think is good in a relationship. You have to be able to laugh at yourself or allow others to laugh at you when the occasion arrives.

Well what are they like together normally? Presumably you've seen them together on other occasions? Is he usually 'normal' with her (for want of a better word) ie. respectful, kind, caring? While I agree he was a wanker to go on like that at their wedding, and it probably feels a bit tainted for her at the moment, if he's generally decent then hopefully she can move on from it.

I don't think it was that bad. It was a joke that went wrong. As long as they are happy who cares it's there wedding and they probably paid for it so they can do and say what they please.

I don’t think you really caught my drift………

I was meaning how many football
playing teachers who got married this weekend are starting in a fringe play this week….?

I hope the OP changed some details otherwise cousin and family may not be very impressed…

That is such a horrible treatment; he should let her go if he does not want her

That poor woman .
Honestly I'd be in tears.
The humiliation, the disrespect and the stomach dropping realisation that he was a horrible human being .
Lots of women settle for these men sadly .

Sorry, Sherlock, you are absolutely right!