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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this H comment annoying

966 replies

Ginge88 · 06/08/2024 09:48

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Navyontop · 26/01/2025 09:56

This could be positive, he might be leaving you.
Abusive men cheat when you’re no longer fooled and then blame you for their cheating.
Hopefully he’s met someone else, or he just simply wants to leave.
Update us if he comes back.

Sunshineafterthehail · 26/01/2025 11:02

He is waiting until the dc are scared he isn't coming back. Then a grand entrance... Then you will be the bad guy lf you suggest splitting up.... Such a cunt...

cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 11:09

He can feel his control slipping so he's stepped things up. This is all to get you back in line. Has he tried to contact you at all?

Original poster
Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:35

He came back last night sober as a judge. Totally calm and polite. I slept in the spare room.

My gut tells me he won't leave me and he won't go with another woman. He is actually v quiet, unassuming and polite. He never flirts with other women. He's definitely not big ego look at me type but yet somehow everything is about him. I've never worried about other women.

I know its frustrating that I stayed last night and didn't leave when he was out. I'm worried about him taking the house from us. My kid was ill. And my mum disagrees with this decision. As do lots of ppl. As my friend said "but he is so lovely and sweet. I just cannot imagine him saying something like that" when I disclosed to her.

I think I have to file for divorce. However I do this (phone, face to face) he won't accept it so I jisy need to progress with the legal side of things. I've already told him twice that I want to leave but he just doesn't take it seriously

OP posts:
hildabaker · 26/01/2025 11:40

He will have to take it seriously in the end. He's the type who will pretend that he can't understand why you want to split up, he will pretend that he's perfect and this is all on you. Be prepared for the alternating between over-nice, anger and self harm threats. Please contact Woman's Aid if you haven't already.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/01/2025 11:48

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:35

He came back last night sober as a judge. Totally calm and polite. I slept in the spare room.

My gut tells me he won't leave me and he won't go with another woman. He is actually v quiet, unassuming and polite. He never flirts with other women. He's definitely not big ego look at me type but yet somehow everything is about him. I've never worried about other women.

I know its frustrating that I stayed last night and didn't leave when he was out. I'm worried about him taking the house from us. My kid was ill. And my mum disagrees with this decision. As do lots of ppl. As my friend said "but he is so lovely and sweet. I just cannot imagine him saying something like that" when I disclosed to her.

I think I have to file for divorce. However I do this (phone, face to face) he won't accept it so I jisy need to progress with the legal side of things. I've already told him twice that I want to leave but he just doesn't take it seriously

I'm so sorry that your mum and your friend disagree with your decision. I'm surprised that your friend doesn't support you. Have you told her some of the awful things he has said and done? Surely she must realise that even the most awful, abusive men can rein in the abuse in public?

I would automatically believe and support my friend if she told me that she was leaving her husband, even if I thought that he was a nice man. I certainly wouldn't tell her that her decision was wrong.

Original poster
Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 11:50

He's left the house again for the day. calm and polite this morning, did some washing and then announcsd hes going to a fancy new gym in a city about 1.5 hr drive from where we are. He won't be back until tonight.

OP posts:
hildabaker · 26/01/2025 11:59

In my opinion, this behaviour is designed to make to make you 'miss' him and want him back. He's still not understanding yet that you want to divorce him. he still thinks he has the upper hand and can reel you back.

Sunshineafterthehail · 26/01/2025 12:04

My exh didn't believe I would leave.. I got myself and dc a rental and went....
Actually I left 2 dh's this way.. Both cunts.. 1 shouty and aggressive.. 1 well spoken and believably decent.. He was actually the worst one... Lost a few mates when we split. They blamed me.
Seek legal advice tomorrow op.

cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 12:27

It's pretty classic for abusers to give the impression that they're "nice" "gentle" whatever other impression they want to give people. You often see it in news reports - "oh, but he was so nice, I never would have thought..."

It doesn't really matter what others think from outside. You are the one living it, Ginge. We believe you. There's no disappointment that you stayed either. I only wish you had more 'real-world' support. That's why so many are suggesting DV organisations.

Original poster
Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 12:40

Through all of this - I'm trying my hardest to keep my kids happy. I think the desire to keep things normal is also a barrier to making the necessary moves of course.

But right now the 3 of us are watching Toy Story films on the sofa with endless supply of toast and hot chocolate and can honestly say they're happy and there is so much love between the 3 of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 12:51

cloudyfox · 26/01/2025 12:27

It's pretty classic for abusers to give the impression that they're "nice" "gentle" whatever other impression they want to give people. You often see it in news reports - "oh, but he was so nice, I never would have thought..."

It doesn't really matter what others think from outside. You are the one living it, Ginge. We believe you. There's no disappointment that you stayed either. I only wish you had more 'real-world' support. That's why so many are suggesting DV organisations.

Yes, thank you. I've found it hard to get through to the DV helpline. It's always busy. But I will try again this week. I did speak on a Web chat once. This thread and all you wonderful women are my main/only support RN.

OP posts:
alrightluv · 26/01/2025 13:12

@Ginge88 did you record him? If so has your friend heard that?

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 26/01/2025 15:37

I was just wondering if you recorded him having his melt down before he went out yesterday too, and if not, why not, as that would clearly show your friend and your Mum exactly why you want shot of him?

Original poster
Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 21:10

I did record the latest outburst but it's just him pretend crying shouting "I just want you to love me" and "why are you so cruel?". And silence from me pretty much. It certainly doesn't sound like a man who is a danger to anyone.

This is the end. I've moved my things into the spare room today. I just need to keep going.

OP posts:
hildabaker · 26/01/2025 22:13

Ultimately, people will have to think what they think - you can't do anything about that. You've told them the truth and frankly you need to think of yourself and your children. Keep going lass x

2022NewTimes · 27/01/2025 08:39

Ginge88 · 26/01/2025 21:10

I did record the latest outburst but it's just him pretend crying shouting "I just want you to love me" and "why are you so cruel?". And silence from me pretty much. It certainly doesn't sound like a man who is a danger to anyone.

This is the end. I've moved my things into the spare room today. I just need to keep going.

@Ginge88 .... He sees nothing wrong with demeaning you and screaming at you in front of the children. He is angry therefore in his head you are in the wrong as you have made him angry....
My ex would call me all sort of names - as far as his was concerned when he was angry he could say whatever he wanted.
What he did not realize was that every insult,was a small cut to my soul so by the end I was covered metaphorically in scars and it took one more than broke the camels back..!! I
I put up with it for 30 years but had an escape plan for the last three years - upscaled my qualifications and income so when I left and he paid no child support like I knew he wouldnt I was okay..... Its been nearly three years since I left and the peace at home is amazing...no more getting screamed at and working on eggshells

Original poster
Ginge88 · 27/01/2025 09:22

Indeed @2022NewTimes when I asked him to stop in front of the kids, he exclaimed "but I'm upset"

And of course nothing is more important than a man being upset!

So pleased you're out. I can't wait for peace. This thread is keeping me going. So many women on here who have done it and know how hard it is but that it is worth it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ginge88 · 27/01/2025 09:22

Indeed @2022NewTimes when I asked him to stop in front of the kids, he exclaimed "but I'm upset"

And of course nothing is more important than a man being upset!

So pleased you're out. I can't wait for peace. This thread is keeping me going. So many women on here who have done it and know how hard it is but that it is worth it!

OP posts:
whendoIgetabreak · 23/02/2025 20:10

Ginge88 · 27/01/2025 09:22

Indeed @2022NewTimes when I asked him to stop in front of the kids, he exclaimed "but I'm upset"

And of course nothing is more important than a man being upset!

So pleased you're out. I can't wait for peace. This thread is keeping me going. So many women on here who have done it and know how hard it is but that it is worth it!

Just checking in to see how you are coping with it all now?

Goldcushions2 · 23/02/2025 21:41

Wondering how you are OP?
Hope you are ok.

Itisalovelyday2025 · 23/02/2025 22:16

He must be exhausted being perfect ....prick
Start doing it back....exaggerate one of his features and do it back, very rarely do people like a taste of their own medicine

Itisalovelyday2025 · 23/02/2025 23:34

God just read this entire thread, hope you and your babies are OK ,he's awful

Confusedmeanderings · 24/02/2025 02:34

Hope you're ok OP.

May229 · 24/02/2025 02:37

This is disgusting. He is deliberately making fun of you.

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