To find this H comment annoying

[Ginge88]

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

He's a narcissist, the hero of his own story. He stays up gaming until 3.00 am and then gets a full 8 hours' sleep but is still so tired, while you have been up all night with the children, but he is the hard-done to victim of your cruelty and neglect. He has no genuine paternal feelings for his own children, who he just uses as pawns in the game of humiliating you.

If he wasn't so dangerous, this would be laughable. It would be amazing if he has actually left you for good but unfortunately, I'm sure he will be back when he thinks that you have suffered enough and will now see the error of your ways.

I think you need to carry on with your plans to go to your mother's. It is unfortunate that she isn't more supportive and sympathetic, but hopefully she will be OK with you staying.

Tell him it’s over. I would do it right now as he has stormed off. Make the most of the opportunity

I agree with the others. Tell him now.

Have I missed why OP needs to leave the house? Surely he kids are better off there. Will he refuse to go? Even tho he has.

Does anyone know what the situation is if OP wants to stay in her house that she pays for, and have the horrible H leave? I seem to recall she is the main earner and can cope just fine financially and practically without him as she is already the default everything. He’s verbally abusive OP and infront of the children, so doesn’t that give you some leverage to say he can’t come back and needs to stay elsewhere?

My advice (for whatever it's worth) is for you to contact your local police station and report exactly what he did, in front of the children, that he packed a bag and you feel unsafe in your home. He's currently not physically violent (apart from wanting sex when you don't) towards you but that could change very quickly.
You would really appreciate it if someone could stop by and talk you through what your options are at this stage. You can't go to the station because one of your kids is unwell so if there is any way way that they could help you it would be great.

That's what I'd do.

My God, what a wholly manipulative piece of work he truly is. I agree with others who say be careful because he will definitely be back.

He will be back. Continue with your plans to leave. Despite his leaving this is, in fact, an escalation.

I feel this is a great chance to do as suggested. Tell him not to come back. See the lawyer as soon as. Pack up the rest of his stuff and put it by the door or if you have a shed or outbuilding , in there.

I’m sure it was an act. He’s probably expecting you to beg him to come home, be cravenly sorry and begging him…after all, he thinks you need him, doesn’t he? And it was for the kids…look how bad mum treats me.
I don’t know the legality of not letting him back but you should play your abused wife card if you can. See a lawyer asap

I think you need to tell him to leave as things are not going to change. He sounds quite manipulative.

You really have to ask yourself how much longer you want this to go on for as it sounds like he is making you very unhappy, and you deserve better.

He’s getting desperate and is trying to break you.

I agree with the poster who said to flag the situation with the police, then get to your mum’s with the kids. Given he has left, don’t even need to tell him immediately? Just don’t be there when he returns. He can wait for a letter from your solicitor.

Yes agreed. And he was projecting his own self on to Ginge. Playing the victim, too. He is dangerous, which is why I think most of us said, don’t go back after dropping the children off.

Im beginning to think OP should just go to her mother's till the police are aware , lawyer starts legal separation and he knows it’s over especially if she can’t legally exclude him from the marital home. Because when he sees she is not being manipulated into begging him back, he will go into a rage and she does not want to be there or anywhere near.

Actually, I want to correct myself. When I said , he thinks you need him. He doesn’t. He knows you don’t need him. He knows you are strong.

But he has spent years trying to convince you that you are weak without him so your self esteem drops to where he will always have you to control and abuse, because that’s how he makes himself feel superior…he knows inside himself that he is inferior but cannot admit it.
I can hear my ex saying what he said. So he is hoping he convinced you , you need him and will fall apart without him.

He will be angry when it doesn’t work. Above all they fear being alone.
I still say:
Don’t be alone with him.

Please please please... don't be alone with him, if someone else can be there before he returns, do that.

And message him and ask him NOT to come back. If it means saying 'yep, you're right, I don't love you, I don't even LIKE you, don't come back'... do that. But please tell him not to return.

Telling him not to return will have him racing back.. They have a habit of doing the opposite of what is asked. Mine proudly announced he was a contrarian 🤣 but for example..if I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, I had to pretend it was important to celebrate. If I said, ignore my b’day, he’d organise a huge surprise dinner with guests. That’s just a simple example.

Ignore and go to mother. Let him find you gone if he returns. Don’t contact him. Tell police you’re scared, because hes abusive. That gives you breathing space till you can get the lawyer to move on him

Im beginning to remember things I’d tried to forget.

You're right Denim - that is a better plan!

Stick a key in the door, don't allow him back in.
Ring 101 and tell them he was wild, hysterical, terrifyingly jealous of your children you are terrified of him.
Tell them you are trying to flee and and ask for help. That he raped you recently and you are terrified.
Tell them the children are scared of him.

I think he is deeply unstable and you should be terrified of him.
He is so jealous of his own children and clearly unhinged.
If you stick the key in the door you could stop him getting in.
Tell him its over and that his forced sex on you last week means there is no going back.

See how he responds to the accusation.
It would be great if you could get an admittal from him.

I feel so sorry for you.
Is there any friend you can call?

This is also a good suggestion too.
Definitely only engaging when he contacts you.
I do think his rape of you might get you an occupation order if you talk to Women's aid and the police.

I didn't text him telling him not to come back as yes it would make him instantly come back. He needs to feel everything is his idea. If I suggest something he becomes defensive or does the opposite. It's why I need to be strategic in how I approach the divorce. I need to work out how to make him feel in control somehow.

Anyway I've fucked up because I haven't gone to mum cos I couldn't face her and my son is realy not feeling great and she really doesnt want sick kids in her house. But now I'm sat here awake while the kids sleep just hoping he doest return. I'm not scared of him. I can't tell you how quickly I would call the police if he became physical.

I get what you saying about going to the police preemptively. But surely they'd laugh me out the place? My husband is upset I don't love him apparently and has decided to piss off for the evening. I can say he's abusive before but its a v hard thing to evidence

Thank you everyone. I promise I'll call someone if he comes back.

Sorry he's gone into man child tantrum mode, Ginge. And very sorry you can't lean on your mum at a time like this. You must be shattered after the past 24 hours.

That’s why you needed recordings of his abuse..secret voice activated secreted in the room. I always recommend it . You cannot play nice with narcissists. Whether they’re top of the spectrum or not. They don’t have empathy. They can’t feel love. They are self orientated. They can be vicious if they lose control of their subject. Their apparent empathy is cognitive..ie, they watched and learned how they should behave in certain situations but it’s only words to them to achieve their goal. Keep your phone near Set it so one press will record if he turns up . Don’t open the door and be ready to call 999 if he gets angry when you don’t let him in. Do not underestimate him.
He may well be leaving you to ‘stew’ , as he will see it, overnight.

If I were you, I’d leave first thing in the morning. Mother or air bnb ..anywhere . He has escalated by leaving . He will expect certain results. He won’t be happy when it doesn’t work. This is not a reasonable human being . Everything is an act with him and if the mask comes off this time, it won’t be pretty .
please , leave asap . Play it safe

Do you think, if he turns physical, he will let you phone? That’s delusional .

I like this idea. Horrible man, even in jest, if you tell someone often enough they're useless or keep fucking up, it's no good for your self esteem at all. Time to get him back where it hurts I say!

I'm sorry, just read along the thread. Please stay safe OP.

Do you think he deliberately tried to start an argument so he could pack a bag and leave for the night?

Do you know where he is? Could there be another woman? My ex threw an almighty tantrum once, out the blue, turns out he was having an affair and he wanted an excuse to leave for a few days, to go and see the ow.