To find this H comment annoying

[Ginge88]

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

OP I’ve been following, in a similar position of knowing what needs to be done but paralysing inaction taken hold. It’s easier said than done x1000. Please don’t be ashamed/hesitant to update if you just need somewhere to vent. Just wishing the best for you and willing you on.

You’ve no reason to feel ashamed @Ginge88
I understand, it took me over a year to finally leave x

Oh Ginge, don't ever feel ashamed. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever do and you will be moving forward even if it's one tiny step at a time. Even having a thought about leaving is moving forward so never feel ashamed. You're a brave, strong woman so straighten that crown 👑 and hold your head high ❤️

That's really kind of you.

He was in a mood about something but no big deal. He was being nice to DC but mad with me

And then the mood disappeared and he badgered me for sex and I gave in. He kept calling me a weirdo when I said no. I just thought it will be over in 10 mins but my body had other ideas and I literally jumped off him twice involuntarily. And I couldn't kiss him. I just couldn't. He kept persisting and somehow it ended but it was awful. One of the worst ssxual experiences of my life. It was like kissing a stranger and my body was wriggling away without me even telling it to!

I feel ashamed. And gross. He's in a mood again already! I didny have sex because I'd changed my mind about leaving. I had sex to make him go away and I was shocked at how unbotherdd he was that I was trying to stop, turning away.

I had already promised myself I'd never sleep with him again and I broke it

OP, its not easy.
You are getting stronger every day.
Post and let us support you.
I have no doubt tjat you are going to leave, when the time feels best for you and your boys.
Keep helping yourself by getting quietly organised.
We are here for you.

[ he badgered me for sex and I gave in. He kept calling me a weirdo when I said no.]

Yeah, that's called r*pe @Ginge88@Ginge88

Sorry, my phone posted that before I finished - I was going to say please do not feel ashamed. He is a r*pist and abuser. All the shame is his to carry, none of it is yours.

@cloudyfox well I did say yes eventually. He was calling me a weirdo until I said yes. It was me jumping away from him during it that took me aback. I can't explain it. Like my body took over. I feel upset that he just wanted to bully me into saying yes rather than shown any concern if I actuallyky wanted it. But I did say yes. He didn't physically force me

Oh @Ginge88@Ginge88, badgering you into sex is also r*pe. Anything other than enthusiastic consent makes him a r@pist. It's hard to see it when you're in it, but trust me, I know from experience.

As an aside, I have no idea why my phone is tagging you twice. Sorry!

Don’t worry about the sex thing..as in I did the same. Just to keep the peace. Seriously did the lie back and think of England thing. Count the cracks in the ceiling , look for spiderwebs I need to dust. Getting my ducks in a row and finding a place took me a year because I had not been allowed to work for anyone else and earn. I only got to work for OH, no pay.
These abusive guys don’t love. They use. If you react too much, he will push you more because he knows you don’t want it. The more you show it the more he will push it..it’s a joy to them , another way to abuse.

So don’t be ashamed of yourself. You can keep that promise for good once you have gone and that’s the part you have to try and get to. Leaving. Just remember he will be history and that’s to look forward to

hugs to you

I really think you need some external support to enable you to leave. This is so upsetting to read as a mother of daughters.

This is out and out coercive rape. And he knows it. He knows you didn’t want it before, during, and after. Consent is more than choking out yes under pressure. He knows what he is doing

It’s ok @Ginge88
You did what you did and that’s ok. But do please listen to your body, it’s speaking to you loud and clear.
The simple fact that you can’t say no tells us why you can’t leave, you’re afraid. But you’re stronger than you think you are and I promise that once you have your own house and bed, you’ll feel safe.
Sending you hugs and strength x

A lot of women have been in that situation Ginge. I know I have... a relationship that's gone on too long and your just waiting for that moment to end it but you're being pestered for sex and you think it's easier just to say yes so he'll leave you alone. Yip, done that more than once.

Let's not put a name to what kind of sex it was, and although PP are completely right in what they said, it's probably not helpful in the here and now. Let's just keep it as sex for the last time between a married couple.

Just keep moving forward, a day at a time Ginge and keep posting if it helps you. We're all here rooting for you ❤️

Your body knows he’s a wrong’un and the end is nigh. She is trying to keep you safely away from him. Keep moving forward, step by step

The shame is ALL his.
He is a rapist.
Coercive sexual control is rape and a crime.

Tell your GP.
Tell Women's aid.

You poor poor pet.

He's such a pig. Nobody else sees it. I saw a friend today and opened up a little and she was like "I just can't imagine him saying that, he's so gentle and quiet".

But I know he's a pig. I keep thinking about the sex and the name calling and getting such rage.

She isn't a friend, a friend would believe you. Its probably safest to stop confiding in her. When you split, she could end up being a flying monkey.

Agree. I would be wary.
The very worst of abusers are usually house terrorists and street angels.

I'm going to tell him this weekend. I'm going to take the kids to my parents and then drive back by myself and tell him. This situation is intolerable.

Good for you OP! Wishing you the strength, and courage to do what you know needs doing! Remember - we're all here for you.

I have put the kids passports, pension info and marriage certificate in my work locker. He doesn't have access to any other things (savings, mortgage) as he relies on me to do all of that. I have got a friend 5 mins drive away who hates him and will be there straight away. Is there anything else I'm missing?

I will see how it goes and if things get baxk ill take the kids to an Airbnb and phone the police

Anything else?

OP is there can be someone who can be with you when tell him, or at least in the car waiting for you in case he gets nasty? Just to give you an easier out.
Have you got any relevant paperwork out of the house, take it with you to your parents if you haven't. Kids passports, house deeds, anything particularly precious that he might trash in a tantrum.
Good luck.

Ahh you were writing as I typed!