To find this H comment annoying

[Ginge88]

If I forget something or use the wrong plug or something, DH says loudly

"And the 356th way Ginge has fucked up today is...."

Or whatever number is in his head. Frustrating thing is I actually don't mess up things v much and it's him that needs reminders of everything

But yes if he notices says the milk is left out or something il hear him say "and Ginge succeeds in fucking up for the 455th time this week" and chuckling to himself

I've told him to stop. He tells me it's a joke. He does now do it less but he clearly thinks I'm being totally over sensitive

Am I?

H is out all night so had a lovely evening alone.

Older DS said he missed daddy and that "daddy is the boss".

Made me feel worried. What if older DS has already absorbed some problematic stuff about the dynamic?? He said "daddy gets a little bit angry because he's the boss here". I started worrying that ill leave but DS will do that thing where kids hero worship the absent/shitty parent and want to be with H not me.

You'll regret suggesting I use this thread as a journal! My late night worries are all gonna come out!

Do ppl thinks that's common though?

Yes, you're going to be second-guessing yourself constantly. Staying with this guy will only damage the children more. They deserve for you to be safe and happy, and you deserve that too.

He's so unfair. I'm working from home today and finished my meeting at 10.57, came downstairs to make a quick tea and he started talking to me about money and how much things cost.

When we have talked about money before it always ends in a row with him insulting me. I said 'I have a meeting at 11am, in one minute, shall we talk abotu this later' and he said 'will only take a minute' and started ranting at me as i made my tea and walked upstairs. he then started saying 'are you going to say anything' and then doing this horrible impression of me - like doing this weird shrug/pout thing and shouting- 'what is wrong with you, why don't you speak anymore ginge?? what the fuck is wrong with you, just talk to me, why do you fucking ignore me' - rant rant rant.

i said "i'm just trying to get to my next meeting and this is a big conversation' - he then followed me in the room, i said 'please let me join my meeting' - by this point its 11.10am and everyone else in on the call. he was grunting at me, slammed all the doors in the house.. last time we talkecd about money he called me a 'cunt' - i geniunely don't want to talk about it anymore, and also not in one minute between meetings. and then he makes out like it's my fault.

it's so bloody unfair. kids are at camp today. he's been really good the last few days and as soon as they were out - he went for it.

he's been really good the last few days and as soon as they were out - he went for it

He's been waiting for his opportunity to punish you.

You'll never 'win' with him, he'll never be a decent person.

Also, I said "look last time we talked about money you screamed at me and called me a stupid fucking cunt" and he said "well you were being one"

I'd always presumed he regretted getting that angry and insulting but obviously not!

They will never not feel justification for their abuse.

He timed it to try and ruin your job and reputation at work. I'd get a lock for my office door if I were you @Ginge88 and a kettle and sandwiches to keep in your office with you. What a vile bastard.

My god Ginge, the sooner you get rid of this bastard the better.

He's a vile, nasty little man.

I'm so sorry you need to put up with this from him. Hopefully not for much longer ❤️

He sounds awful. I haven’t rtft, but must say, his behaviour reminds me of somebody I was in a relationship with, who was similarly abusive, verbally, emotionally, even physically at times - he would speak to me like he hated me, but would act like I was over reacting or being sensitive whenever I’d respond/get upset or angry. Everything I did was wrong, the slightest things would result in nasty comments, sighs and rolling eyes, insults, door slamming and aggression. I’d dread him coming home from work, I’d dread having to face him at all in the end.

Luckily we weren’t married and didn’t have kids, but he would put me down and make me feel stupid or “less than” in many ways - and it took me far too long to break away from it. But when I did, the feeling of relief was immense. No more walking on eggshells, feeling uncomfortable or afraid in my own home, being made to become quieter or smaller to prevent him verbally attacking me… I think what I’m trying to say is - please get out of there. Please get away from him. His unfunny condescending jokes, his control, the insults, the coercion of the kids… you really will feel so so much relief without that in your life. You deserve way better.
Sorry for the long ranty message, but I just have to let you know that what you’re being put thru is unacceptable and you can feel so much happier, and less anxious, and give your boys a less toxic environment, by dumping that abusive man.
Good luck 🙏🏼💕

I am so shocked by this piece of shit’s behaviour. He is so, so abusive.

He just came in the spare room with a cup of tea, a cake and to tell me he's ordered all the kids school uniform.

He's not fooling me though. I've made an appointment with a solicitor for next week

Be careful he's on to you by the sounds of it. Abusers can be very cunning but turn vicious when they get a hint of your escape.

They lull you into a false sense of security, before starting the next round. It’s always going to be your fault. He can’t do wrong, not in his head.
I hope you record some of this.
Try to keep calm..it feeds him when you react with emotion. That’s why he does it in the first place- to provoke a reaction. So it’s carefully orchestrated up and downs to keep you off balance, unsure, treading on eggshells. Every nasty event will be followed by an apparently ‘normal’ period, so you think everything is ok really. Just a blip, all marriages have them, right? Except it’s not right.

If you aren’t recording anything, keep a diary of what he says and does.

You sound like an amazingly strong, intelligent and empathetic woman. You will have a lovely life this time next year.
just keep planning quietly. Write down all of these incidents, especially involving the children.

How are you @Ginge88?

Hope you're okay and hanging in there ❤️

I would reply ‘and the first thing Ginge fucked up in her life was marrying you, ya cunt’.

Lost my shit earlier cos something fell out the car when l opened the door and dd and dh said it was my fault. Even though l hadn't put it in the effing car.
Think l made my point.
Lose your shit next time op.

I used to reply ‘yes, dear’ to every snide insult, and otherwise ignore..going grey rock is what they call it now . There are guys to blow up at, and it’s effective, and there are narcissists who goad you to make you blow up so they can tell everyone how crazy you are.
edited to add apostrophe

I'm OK. Thanks for checking in.

He's away all next week and keeps teasing me about how much I'll miss him, "are you feeling jealous ginge?" As he's going away with his mates. Couldn't be further from the truth, can't wait to get him out of my hair. I think he's trying to get something out of me as he started telling me the other lads are talking about strip bars.

Looking forward to next week with no work, just me and the kids doing fun stuff together. Got solicitors lined up when kids back at school.

Feel terrified about losing DC but trying to take one day at a time

Oh the thing that is not so fun is a keep getting random chest pain. I got the same when i was made redundant a few years ago. Got tested but said stress related. Presume same thing. It's really painful though and makes me feel like I'm short of breath. I guess I got to toughen up as only going to get worse from here.

You should get checked out though.

I agree @Ginge88 , it would be wise to get it checked out to put your mind at ease but also to have on your medical notes the basics of what you're going through

I hope you enjoy the peace while he's away and make good progress with all that you have to do.

Just say " And the first time I tucked up was marrying you"

Yes yes yes to talking to solicitors, well done!
You won't be losing your kids, and you will reclaim their respect.

I know its hard (actually no, I don't know how hard it is) but you can be massively proud, what you're about to do is huge ♥️

I truly hope you manage to get away from that horrible excuse for a man. You and your boys deserve some peace and normality 💐