Someone’s been in my bedroom

[Hakunamatoto]

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

Just to add, also agree with the keyholder what you do/don't want to be contacted about.

DFIL declared he wouldn't want to be contacted about anything while away. He was quite shocked that others might feel differently.

Not a book, short story.

How well do you know the husband? I assume you live on your own with your kids? Do you go out to work or WFH? I don’t want to make you paranoid, but I’d change the lock barrel just to be sure no one has a copy of the key. New barrels cost about £30. If someone really has been snooping in intimate bedroom drawers, especially a man getting a thrill from it, they could be tempted to come in again.

I’d also directly ask the neighbour. There could be a perfectly innocent explanation, like she brought her kids round and they were messing. You’re entitled to ask politely if she’s been in your bedroom. But suggest you do it in a friendly way where she feels it’s safe to fess up. Maybe something like: “I just wanted to check it was you who’d been in the bedroom. If not, then I’m worried my mum’s been over while I was away and poking around”.

Sounds like you were lucky. Our boiler isn’t that fancy!

You underestimate people!

I'd set a camara up and go away to snare them in again. Write a note saying your recording them and taking it to the police and leave it in your draw.

I'd never know if a hoard if teens had lived in my house for a week while I'm away so I applaud your tidiness.

Don't remember it but someone then did a (photography) art project based on this - house sitting for people and photographing themselves dressed in the home owner's clothes, posed in a room of theirs, sometimes with their pet.

I seem to remember it being in Stylist or a colour supplement magazine for a paper (when they did such things)

Aaaand that was the point when I never let keys go to people when on holiday.

Most likely she was busy with DC and asked if he could pop in to feed the cat.

Really no comparison.

Williams was a dangerous predator who broke into people's homes and stole hundreds of underwear and other "trophies" from women and young girls. He also broke into houses and raped and killed people. This was all about fetishism and an escalating pattern of a serial killer.

What the fuck!!!

Next time maybe get a separate lock for the bedroom and keep it locked while away. There's no reason why a pet sitter or neighbour should have access to your entire home just to feed the cat!

And then you can also lock away anything valuable or personal in your room like a safe, so you have some peace of mind while away, knowing that they haven't got access.

savernake forest story was a total shite, stupid made up story. The writer was obviously on something if they really believed it happened.

@timenowplease @FluffyLemonClouds

This was a long time ago, And DM has passed, but yes it was a difficult relationship. They thought our place was communal family property.

I mentioned it because I think in OP's case, however unlikely you think it is, it will most likely be a key holder. But as others have said, they could have been collecting the cat to bring it downstairs to feed it.

I hope you can exorcise the feeling OP. If you are just giving access for tending to the cat, you could put a combination key lock on certain doors upstairs for peace of mind.

I hope this doesn't sound sexist but my gut feeling is that a woman would have noticed the dip in the bed cover. She would have smoothed it over.

How horrible to think of someone going through your bedroom drawers. I don’t have any pets, nor do I go on holiday much, but my partner is a bit fussy about keys. The only person who has a spare key is his adult daughter and she never has had the need to use it - only once when we had to leave to go to A&E and both forgot our key in the rush! She travelled around 6 miles in the early hours of the morning to let us in (bless her). I do have my elderly neighbour’s key but have never used it. She visits family occasionally and she likes us to have access if needed - and also she often goes out without her key!

We converted our small bedroom into an office and have a large 4-drawer metal filing cabinet which we always keep locked. All our paperwork and valuables/jewellery are kept in there so there is nothing anyone could find of interest in the rest of the house. It would give me a very uncomfortable ick if I thought that someone was snooping around my underwear drawer though! Or even my wardrobes.

My mum’s neighbour used to snoop. She used to help out by doing her laundry and a bit of cleaning (my mum was elderly) and I once arrived unexpectedly and caught her trying on my mum’s jewellery. My mum was asleep in her chair and she was in the adjacent bedroom. She tried to say that she was changing the bed but I caught her sitting on the bed with a large box file in front of her, together with the jewellery box. In addition to the looking at the jewellery, she was obviously snooping around my mum’s paperwork (bank statements/will etc.). She was easily visible from the hallway. My mum didn’t have much that was valuable, but I subsequently bought her a small lockable filing cabinet which she kept at the bottom of the wardrobe. I also explained to the neighbour that I would be asking my mum’s regular cleaner to do extra hours, to include changing beds and laundry (communal laundry in sheltered accommodation flat) and explained that it wouldn’t be necessary to help out. I obviously couldn’t accuse her of anything (only snooping) but it left a terrible taste in my mouth.

True 😂

Savernake Forest is a real place. That story is an invention by someone who has a fanciful imagination. It’s definitely not a real story!

I would be changing the locks OP, because whichever freak snooped through your knicker drawer has had your keys and could have made themselves a copy, to come and go whenever they please.

This was all about fetishism and an escalating pattern of a serial killer.

Well yes, though an art project that is inspired by such a person, which relies on the fetishism and pattern not of someone intending to kill or defile the actual person, but instead of a house sitter who has been trusted and given a key, was also reason enough for me to rethink pet feeding plans.
I don't believe I meet many serial killers. I most definitely do meet many art students who would probably push boundaries for a dissertation.

Your neighbour's husband has been sat on your bed having a wank into your pants. Saving himself paying £30 to buy them from a consenting woman on Panty Deal.

I'd be casually asking your neighbour if it was only her who went around.

Are any pants (clean or dirty) missing? Some men even get turned on by the big cotton granny pants.

£30 you say? And the website again was….?

🤣 would cut down on the washing that's for sure

Wait how old are their kids? Because most likely thing is one or both of their kids came with to help. They all went looking for cat or to use loo (small children’s bladders) and one of the kids ran in and started grabbing at stuff as kids do. Neighbour shooed them out and tried to right things and thought nothing of it but you’re so…anal neat (sorry 😂) …that you did notice. Unless they’re actually baby babies in which case it’s just creepy

Could they have been looking for the cat and sat on your bed to give the cat a stroke? Obviously no explanation for drawers but my drawers are not neat enough to know if anyone has been in them.

Unfortunately there are people like 'that' in the world.
I trusted the wrong person with a key ONCE.
They rearranged my living room and went through personal items in my bedroom. Angry didn't cover it 😡 (not a relation either)