Someone’s been in my bedroom

[Hakunamatoto]

This isn’t really an AIBU but I didn’t know where to put it. Sorry.

Just back from a long weekend away tonight. Kids are on holiday with my ex-DH so the house was empty. Neighbour had a key to feed the cat.

Someone’s been in my bedroom. The bed has clearly been sat on, and there are things out of place in my bedside drawer, my knicker drawer and my desk.

I’m absolutely mortified and feel violated. There are things in my drawers that are extremely private. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is missing that I can see (there was a £50 in cash in the drawer by my bed so that would’ve been easily visible). The only other person with a key to my house is my mum (and ex-DU but he is abroad with DCs). Neighbour is more of a friend than just a neighbour. I’m trying to think of an innocent explanation or rationalising it as just cheeky nosiness. But the thought of someone rifling through my private things is horrible.

I’d be careful of accusing your mother or neighbour, without evidence

MIL cat sits for her neighbour now - as she puts the food down by back door and leaves. Previous friend of neighbours searched the house for the cat - opening draws and cupboards as she hadn't seen the cat that day - IL said it was a indoor outdoor cat and rarely in the house and they told this mate they'd seen it.

MIL thought friend was a cheeky one and just being noisy - though we do like pics of our indoor cats when we go away to know that are okay.

Me too!! 😭😭😭

Is Savernake not a true story then?!

Your neighbour might return the key but have had another one cut

I don't know why you haven't called the police tbh. You should do.

Me too! I’d linger for sometimes half an hour or more to keep them company. My son (youngish) would sometimes come round, and I remember either mum or possibly sister coming round - would get quite settled! Get the TV on!
I don’t remember touching any knickers either though!

Some people are just really nosy. I caught my sister rummaging through my bedside cabinets obviously knowing that’s where more private items would be stored. She said she was admiring the furniture or something but obviously snooping.

I would honestly just leave it you’ve nothing you need to be ashamed of and people are strange x

I think it is most likely the neighbour being nosy. Which isn't ok obviously.

Maybe you could say to both neighbour and mum can you check they definitely weren't upstairs in your bedroom for any reason because there are undeniable signs of someone having been in there and in your things which is really unnerving for you and on the assumption that they weren't up there you've spoken to police are they coming round to have a look and do some fingerprint samples but they want you to check it wasn't anyone with access and also possibly take fingerprint samples as they'll check downstairs for signs of entry. See what that flushes out of them

If it's your neighbour I certainly wouldn't give her my keys again.

I had to leave builders in my home every day for several weeks. I used a small lockable suitcase, put all my personal possessions in it, including underwear and kept it under the bed. It might seem an odd thing to do, but how would anyone know unless they were snooping. After some of the things an electrician friend told me, I never left personal stuff in the washing basket either.

I replied before about a neighbour who went through my neighbour's drawers, snooping...

Well...before this happened, Neighbour had MY keys.

I had a lodger at the time, and was away for the whole of the school holidays.

When I got back, I thought ''Strange, my bed has been slept in''

I ALWAYS change the sheets to come back to fresh sheets after a long journey.

Son's bed also was grimy...

Can you credit it, but the lodger had had all his friends to stay- including in my bedroom and son's,

The neighbour actually ordered them out!

She told me when I got home.

No neighbour now has a key where I live now.

It will be a man. Probably neighbour's husband.

While it sounds like some depraved sexual act, it is in fact the act of living secretly in someone’s home. There are a few noted cases of it online. Usually people get in and live in lofts. The cases I’ve read of involve homeless people, not looking to do any harm, but still creepy.

https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2008/may/31/japan

https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/16114459/there-was-a-man-secretly-living-in-my-house/amp/

A friend once found a dusty shoe print on a table in an upstairs bedroom. Long story, the occupant of the attached semi had found a way through their attic to my friends and taken a nose around while they were out.

I would change the locks, in case a copy of your key had been made. And rethink before you go away again - get those cameras!

I think you probably imagined it.

We have a lock on our bedroom door which we only use when going away. While I can't imagine he'd be bothered, it does give confidence that our lodger wouldn't do any snooping while we are away. We are required to keep our work laptops secure when we are away so it helps with that too.

It would be very awkward to ask your neighbour about it and it could do irreparable damage to your friendship if you were wrong so I'd probably just leave it and take precautions for the future. Change the door handle for a lockable one and maybe put a camera in place next time. I'd quite happily ask my Mum if it was her, I know she's very nosy anyway!

Honestly out of the culprits-

Neighbour
Neighbours dh
Your mum
Neighbours dd

I'd say Neighbour, I don't think teens or men care about a women's drawers (unless the man is a perv obviously) your mum could do it any time.

Most likely explanation is that your neighbour decided to have a nose around. A lot of people are very nosey indeed, but its a hidden vice because its so taboo. I'm sure you know your mum well enough to know whether she's the type or not as you lived with her for years so would presumably have caught her in similar snooping at some previous point if it was her.

It's just being respectful for someone else's home. They also returned the favour when she went away feeding her cat.

A family member looked after 1 of our pet's and lost it. I've never trusted anyone since. I get a pet sitter for our rabbits. A couple of pet shops do it.

Thanks again everyone.

I have spoken to mum. She hasn’t been over. So if this really happened (99% sure it did) it must be neighbour or her husband. Their DCs are too small.

I don’t think I want to mention it. Not yet anyway. A lock on the door seems like a sensible way forward. Honestly the thought of neighbour’s husband snooping in my bedside drawer and touching my knickers is so horrid. I think I might try to find a way of asking if neighbour had fed the cat herself.

I'd ask casually if the cat is ok with her and her husband as the cat can be a bit nervous of men/other people . . . just watch her face. I would put money on it being him, not her.

In our 20s mates of ours got burgled - 2 young men in their 20s police gave them third degree because no damage to downstairs door and window -they said well we are not detectives but loft is slightly off and there's a bloody great muddy footprint on wall by it - turned out entire block had been done though lofts - son of a resident with previous convictions turned out to be the guy responsible. They were just told to fit bolts to the lofts in future.

Why would the cat be nervous of her if she's the trusted cat feeder?