Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Say...oo I can't wait to come and see the spectacle! Thanks for the invite

If the venue is a nice London restaurant the bill could easily get to 3k. For 30 adults that’s only 100 a head. With decent booze, food for the kids and an elaborate cake of some sort that’s not too hard to imagine.

Offer £30 for goddaughters cake and say, ‘hope that helps!’

My grandaughters party cost 250 included bouncy castle cake food suitable for chidren including special diet, drinks for children and as oarebrs were driving no alcohole just teas coffee and non alcoholic wine your paying for an adults party, I would say no ,no way

Do tell her to fucking well make cakes and jellies herself as she has the time. Parents in charge of 4 yr olds should not be rat-arsed.

Does she understand what a God parent is about OP

Just say no. It isn't awkward. Why should you be paying for her mum friends to get sloshed?

Four year olds don't want a nice restaurant, they want a soft play or similar activity.

Please put your foot down and say that you will buy a nice birthday present. Her child's birthday party is NOT your responsibility. End of.

For those asking, I live in London. The venue is a nice restaurant - so no soft play etc... (which I wouldn't know the price of anyway!)

You don't have a 4 year olds birthday at a nice restaurant. You have it at home, in a village hall, soft play etc. She's totally taking the piss

A friend of mine had a party for her big birthday recently. She hired a venue. A dj, did catering, a free bar and it didn't cost £3k

She could host at home & do it for about £100

You should buy the child a birthday present. That's all.

😂😂😂😂

This really made me laugh, I needed that today. Oh what a cheeky F your friend is.

£3k for a kids party - 10 times the usual price - £300 is closer.

Don't apologise for your lifestyle OP and don't let people assume you're a walking chequebook for their frivolous spending.

I’ve been to lots of kids parties where a drink is provided for grown ups- most often though it’s the odd glass of Prosecco or a beer at someone’s house or a hall but that is probably about £50-60 max- the OP’s friend is obviously on a completely different planet to everyone else though!

Why don’t you tell her you will contribute the birthday cake as the child’s present (of your choosing or she will want one like a wedding cake)

A nice restaurant for a 4 year old? She's cracked.

OP I dont' have time to read full thread but FYI I have done the SW London younger child prep school party circuit and even the most over the top extravagant parties for 4/5 year olds don't get to £3k (Possibly those for full class ie 30+ children but those tend to be split between two families as a shared party)
There is often alcohol for parents served, but your friend may be seriously overestimating how much she needs - nobody has much time to drink it, between interruptions/spillages/driving/other children in their care. She will end up with a dozen leftover bottles for herself.....
Is she desperately trying to impress a group of friends?? it's a bit odd and very misguided. You could tell her gently it might look like she is trying too hard. Even the wealthiest school parents I know would never expect something more expensive than prosecco at a kids party (and they woudn't generally expect anything at all)

I didn't pay more than 300 for my 2 year olds birthday... sounds like it's more for her than her Childs birthday. She really is asking for too much.

Christ that's insane and absolutely ridiculous!
DS 4th birthday was £320 which was private hire of a softplay, cake and party bags.

I never had alcohol at a kids party either. When DD was little they tended to be at a soft play that we had to drive to, and there was no alcohol licence anyway.

£25 a head, for what? Are the sausages and pineapple and cheese on gold sticks and the chicken nuggets organic in panko breadcrumbs with Fortnum and Mason tomato sauce?

I had a meal in a "nice restaurant" for my children's baptism. There were 30 of us, three courses each and generous quantities of good wine for the adults, and it still came in well under £2k. And that was a one off event that won't be repeated.

I can't imagine what kind of children's birthday party costs £3k.

I think you in need to be an ex friend - where will it stop ?
It sounds like an expensive night out for the Mums with the child not getting anything - cut her off now

Your earnings, expenses and child free status are irrelevant. You have both made choices, it's her responsibility to fund the choices she's made.

Do not be guilted into footing the bill for an adults party disguised as a child's 4th birthday.

She is being very cheeky, don't fall for it.

This isn’t a child’s party she’s organising- it’s an adult one!
Children’s parties generally take place in child focussed venues- soft play place, community centre, garden/park/home. Certainly NOT in a nice restaurant if the child is the focus of the planning.

My daughter’s 4th birthday party was in the party room of a local community centre. Her whole class plus cousins were invited- 30 children in total.
I did the food. Her Godmother made the cake.
For parents I did the following- half a dozen baguettes, cheese, pate, crisps. Bottles of fizzy water with squash to add.
I hired an entertainer for an hour to do party games.
The whole thing cost less than £300 including party bags.

@parkyn I think it might be an opportune moment to remind your friend that your role as godmother is to provide moral and spiritual guidance and support her child in her journey in the Christian faith.

This

And what 4 year old would want to celebrate in a restaurant?

She is trying to keep up with the Jones’ but having you pay for it. When child free if my friend said what yours did I would have just laughed and said yeah that will be a firm no. But then none of my friends would ever be that cheeky

Tell her that no, she chose to have a child so she can pay for their celebrations