Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Does she do this often?!

This.

Don’t pay a penny, I have godchildren and no one has ever asked me to pay for a birthday party. I live alone and am childfree working full time too which Also means no benefits and no one to split the rent with. How dare she say you’re so lucky you don’t need to worry about money!

Question - does she have a partner? If
so she may have forgotten how expensive it is to live alone especially in London.

As a godmother I’ve even offered to get a fancy cake made for my eldest godchild and it’s been politely declined. It’s been more important to people that I’ve just turned up.
So I’ve always just brought a nice present And helped out sometimes where extra hands have been needed!

Your friend is trying to exploit you either because you earn (and work!) more or she thinks you have unlimited disposable income due to being childfree. I had a friend a bit like this who I no longer talk to but even she wouldn’t have been so blatant.
Buy her kid a nice present and leave it at that. You need to make sure you don’t set a precedent by paying for her extravagant plans, she clearly sees you as a bit of a soft touch or daft.

Btw none of my godchildren’s mums have ever discussed how much they’ve spent on their birthday party before! No idea how much they spent but If they’ve chosen to spend thousands or even hundreds that would be on them of course, and they wouldn’t dream of asking me to stump up any of the money.

To me it’s less about whether it’s excessive or not, if someone has the money they can spend it how they want but equally they shouldn’t be asking the godmother to fund it!

No one has their child’s 4th birthday at a nice restaurant. Because small, excited children who only want to run around screaming and eat sweets do not do combine with well with other diners.

That’s why they are held in places like church / community halls / the back garden or venues designed for small children like soft play or sports parks.

Just say no @parkyn

I’ve done a fair few kids parties now. Examples of costs I’ve experienced:

soft play party - £260 inc food and entry for 20 kids

cake - £90 if made by a professional. £10 ish if bought in a supermarket

decorations - £10-20

catered for around 50 people in park - beer/wine, food and soft drinks - £200

£3,000 is crazy and I can’t imagine asking anyone for a contribution if they didn’t offer, not even grandparents. My own dad contributed about £180 towards my wedding. I honestly can’t understand her thoughts / budget at all. For a laugh can you ask for a breakdown of the £3k?! But honestly you should say no. All the way.

You can do as little or as much for a child’s birthday - what you don’t do is ask for contributions.

She needs to say bring a bottle and donate that and a child’s gift.

Cheeky Fuckery indeed

This is hilarious, how did you keep a straight face??

I wouldn't go to the party - I'd make up a work event that I had to attend and I'd send the child a nice gift through the post and that would be it. I wouldn't want anything to do with the woman again.

Never spent more than £2-300 on a whole class party with parents.

Actually did a 40th for 100 people for about a £1k including food and drink and a marquee. So yes £3k is ABSURD for a 4yo - is she Kim Kardashian?

This is insane. Saying as someone who goes over the top for their kid’s bdays (although I don’t get booze for the parents; at that age the parent’s job is to supervise their kids not get tipsy or drunk; I do get the parents coffees and water though).
if you’re feeling generous tell her you’re happy to get the birthday cake as contribution.

Do not be guilted into footing the bill for an adults party disguised as a child's 4th birthday.

Exactly this ^^

I'm surprised you even asked if it was unreasonable. You know perfectly well that is a totally unreasonable OTT request, and the only reply to this is "no, please don't embarrass yourself by showing how greedy you are asking because the answer is no"

Soft play party, they do food etc, just need a cake and it'd be £250/300 depending on numbers. Your mate is a piss take

I get the impression that it isn't a loan that's being asked for! It looks as though the mother of this child had chosen the godparents on financial grounds! It will be a long 14 years until the child is of age.

£3k for anything other than a wedding is daft — for a 4 year old it’s utter madness.
£150 tops.
And no you don’t need to contribute. What will it be next year, a trip to Disneyland?

Please don’t give her a penny. She doesn’t have to have a party at all!

I am child-free and also a god mother to my best friends first born child. Not once have I ever been asked to contribute toward the cost of a birthday party, and never has champagne been served at any of the parties! Sounds absolutely crazy and I hope you don't cough up a penny. A posh venue for a 4 year olds birthday sounds really selfish of the parents and soo boring for the children.

This is insane, it’s not a four year old’s party she wants funding, adults drinking has nothing to do with a four year old’s party. The cheek of it. Even money towards a real child’s party is not essential, it’s a luxury not worth begging for. I would say if she’s even contemplating this she has more money than sense herself and clearly doesn’t need any handouts.

Don't get involved in contributing to a party or you will be saddled with 'crazy & inappropriate' every year.

Decide what lovely little gift or outing you would like to give your God daughter every year until 18 and it will mean you won't be wracking your brains every year or relying on insanely expensive suggestions. A book, or book tokens, or even better if you have the time and can develop a relationship to take her to the book store to choose her own book (I am totally biased, but there is something truly gorgeous about reading with a little one, seeing their eyes light up with the pictures, watching their taste in reading develop as they grow). Or premium bonds in her name are a gift that keep on giving.

Never been to a kids birthday party where there was free alcohol! Local soft play does serve (limited) alcohol but if parents want anything to eat or drink they buy their own. One Mum, post lockdown, for her dc's first party went a bit mad and put nibbles and cans of soft drinks out for the parents but that is the only time I have experienced this.
Cost of party is £9.50 per child (minimum of ten) Party bags an additional £2 if wanted. Food and unlimited squash included

This is so batshit it can't be the first time your friend has been unreasonable... Please don't pay anything you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of pressure to put your hand on your pocket. Can you imagine how expensive the 18th is going to be??!!😂

“She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute”

OP’s reply “I don’t want to do that”.

No, please don't. If she is hosting an event that costs 3K she needs to pay for it. This is an inappropriate amount to spend on a child's party. It sounds more like an adult party. I am a mum and would never charge someone gor attending a party I've organised. It would be different if she asked everyone to bring a dish or snack.

Urm no just no. If the parent(s) want that type of party then they pay for it. I'm god mother to one of my friend's children, I buy a slightly more expensive present than I perhaps usually would. I babysat if asked and was free to do it. As they got older I took an interest in their lives, gave advice on boyfriends and careers, etc and she knew she could call me if she needed to. That's what I believe a god parents role is, not to bank roll a parents party that's more for them than the child.

(I should add, before anyone points it out, I'm not religious, I originally declined being a god parent as felt it was hypercritical to do so, but my friend asked me to reconsider to just be there for her child, should there be a need to).

We spent about £500 on our children’s christenings

My child’s 3rd birthday will cost about £200 inc alcohol which isn’t necessary for a child’s party

contribute zero or you are in for a lifetime of this.

My sister spent £3,000 on her wedding reception.
I can’t get my head around spending that on a child’s birthday party!