Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

As much or as little as the parents wish to spend! A small tea party at home with a few friends and family would maybe be £50-£60 or a bit more if you want to pay for an elaborate hand made cake. Throw in a bouncy castle that would cost approx £100 to hire for the day and you’re talking £200 max.
If you want a larger party at a soft play or other venue ( petting zoo etc) it’s probably £20 per child so 15 invitees is £300 approx. You might also buy drinks / food for parents who stay so might be an extra £50-60? Some hire ‘characters’ like e.g Elsa from frozen so that’s an extra cost or a magician/ other entertainment might add £200?
Struggling to see how you could spend more than £500 or so! And even that is extravagant to me! Your friend is being very cheeky asking you to find this and how on earth is it costing £3000? Is it a 3 course meal for 50 adults? Ridiculous amount & no no way should you contribute a penny! As GM you should by GC a present and that’s it !

Vile, entitled behaviour.

So the venue is a restaurant?

No one sane has a sit-down meal for a party for a bunch of 4 year olds!

No one should be drinking to the point they get drunk at a 4 year olds birthday anyway, so I don't know why she's worried about hangovers

Oh also, I'm most certainly wouldn't be asking anyone for a contribution to the party. Only a cheeky fucker would do that. You invited people with no expectations.

I would say in a text you would like to buy a nice present for her DD max 50 to 100 quid.ca bring song wine 2 bottles and help out .do not mention the 3k .never heard such cheek!

I would say you have already bought your god daughters present, you hope the party goes well and you are looking forward to the photos.

She's batshit. My 4 year olds party was about £250 all in and that was quite a bit - booze for various parents, hot dogs & barbecue burgers and cartons of juice, as well as good party bags. I made a big cake so i suppose if you bought a fancy one you could get to £350.

£500 if you hired a local hall and paid an entertainer - im in an expensive part of the country.

£3k is madness

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

It’s not another story is it? It’s no more appropriate for her to ask you to pay 3k for her and her friends to get wasted on “good” booze if she’s struggling for money than it would be if she were loaded. If you’re thinking she’s making the ask for the party actually intending to keep some of the money to help cover financial difficulties, again, there’s nothing appropriate about that.

As a god parent you’re really supposed to be there to look to the DD’s spiritual development. Which this does not do! Even in the more secular manifestation that my own group of friends and siblings seem to have adopted, it’s normally about building a special relationship with the child, possibly involving a greater financial contribution than would otherwise be expected in terms of larger presents, adding to savings, taking on holiday, etc. But it’s not about funding parents having a booze up.

You sound like you think being asked to pay for the party is reasonable, though. Just that this party sounds more expensive than you expected? Parties can be outrageous, or they can be next to nothing. Quite a lot of parents do use young children’s birthday parties as a social occasion to socialise with adult friends. That can mean tea and cake with friends and family in the living room. Or hiring a venue and putting on an insta worthy event. Sometimes it’s a way to show off to others or to try and fit in. It depends on the lifestyle she has and what she chooses to do.

You need to decide what sort of god parent you want to be. I would send her a toy for the DC and also put a decent amount in a uni savings fund. But you might have a different view of your role. If you’re happy with being asked to pay for a party but just don’t want to give 3k, send her a few hundred or whatever you’re comfortable with - she did only ask you for a contribution.

But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc...

Right, so she buys a modest amount of booze that she can afford and invites the mum friends to 'bring a bottle' - then it's up to them if they want to drink champagne. Doesn't sound a great idea having a load of pissed adults at a four year old's party, to be honest.

CF on Mumsnet doesn't mean Child Free. I'm not just saying that to you OP, I'm just mentioning this for anyone else reading the thread who didn't already know what CF meant (it means Cheeky Fucker)

Excessive, my dcs are older dd is 18 this year and we are throwing a party but it’s costing nowhere near £3k. At 4 the party is for the children not the adults, a softplay or farm or hire a hall with entrainer and or mascots is enough. Absolutely no need for alcohol st a children’s party.
I think someone has spent too long on instagram.

Alcohol at a kids' party? Maybe I've led a boring life but I've never heard of such a thing.

This is the most sensible advice.

The cost of the party is irrelevant,
you shouldn’t be contributing financially at all other than a suitable present.

You're a godmother, not a fairy godmother. Tell her that. You don't have to fund anything op. She shouldn't be having a party she can't afford. what have you said to her?

Sounds like a party for your “friend” rather than her daughter. 4 year olds want to run around and play not be sitting in a nice restaurant.

at that age my kids parties were village hall with a bouncy castle and party games. Party food for the kids and the adults would get a cup of tea and pick of whatever food the kids didn’t eat.

This isn't a child's 4th birthday. This is a piss up for her and her mum mates. I don't know many 4 year olds who would want their 4th birthday to be in a restaurant! Don't get played OP

Tell her to do one. As godmother you’re not obliged to do anything like this. Traditionally, godparents in the Christian faith are part of the Christening or Baptism service and commit to playing an integral role in ensuring the child’s religious or spiritual development throughout their life. Not forking out thousands to pay for a totally OTT birthday party including champagne for everyone. Batshit.

So, we had a whole class party in a soft play for DS’s 4th birthday. 25 children, an hour in soft play and an hour in the party room afterwards. £250 for room rental, maybe £50 for paper plates, cups, napkins, tablecloth, balloons. Crisps, squash, few home-made sandwiches (they don’t eat them), fruit kebabs, popcorn, carrot sticks etc - maybe £30? And a cake from Bluebird - £50. So well under £400k.

Last year: gymnastics themed party with equipment and party room £300. Pizzas from local pizzeria - £30. Squash, crisps, fruit kebabs, carrot sticks, popcorn - £30. Cake from local bakery with rice paper design off eBay - £30. So again, under £400.

£3k is nuts.

I love this !!

That's absolutely insane. My child's first birthday party cost about £20 in decorations and maybe £100 on food and drink.

She has a nerve.
I would expect an average 4 year olds party costs around £200 slightly.more if hiring hall and entertainment less if at home.
I have 3 children and live in an expensive area and never been offered champagne at a kid's party. Maybe a coffee, a glass of wine is rare squash in a paper cup is Probably the norm.

Do not support this nonsense OP.

My granddaughter has just had her 6th birthday party...bouncy castle hire @ £60, invitations, party decorations and party bag 'stuff' @ £30 and then food and cake @ £60

She invited 6 friends from school and we did it in the garden. Couple of parents stayed and were offered cups of tea or juice 🤷‍♀️ (most just dropped off and left though).

Your CF 'friend' is taking the absolute piss! What an obscene amount to spend on a 4 year olds birthday party! Who does she think she is, Katie Price?? 😧

So she's having the party in 'a nice restaurant '
Yeah that's really good for a four year old. I guess she lives her life on Insta and wants the story. Soft play wouldn't cut it.

What did you get her for her other birthdays?

Don't go. Send a card with a fiver