Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

No 4yo wants a party in a nice restaurant.
This is not about the child.

As Godmother, buy the kid a nice present. That's it. Nothing else.

Why even that?

A party for a 4yr old in a restaurant?

Let her fund that & then take your GD for a day out as your bday treat?

Who the fuck buys champagne for a four-year-old's party?! And worries about people being 'hungover' afterwards? It's a four-year-old's birthday party, not a hen do.

In answer to your question about how much a four-year-olds party costs, if you're having it at home, it costs as little as the price of some kids' party food, a cake and some party bags with a few sweets, some stickers and an ultra-cheap mini toy in each one. Maybe something as a pass-the-parcel prize. If there's going to be adults, a few bottles of wine. That's pretty much it.

Obviously people can hire a venue/activity/entertainer if they want or make it a much bigger affair all round, but trust me, three grand for a kids' party isn't even close to the norm. Neither is it the norm to ask the godparents to pay for it, by the way...

Do not contribute one red cent to this lunacy! For context, we had a party recently, over 100 guests (adults & children). We put on food & alcohol. All up, we spent approx $1200.00 USD & we had more than enough! 3k is crazy, batshit taking the mick

And while all the parents are trollied, who's looking after the children?

Just because you're godparent and child free does not mean you are obligated to spend money on their pissup child.

Hard no. If you must contribute, buy something for the children's party - party favours or something.

Your friend is taking the piss of your good nature and I think you are being a bit gullible.

I wouldn't do a birthday party for a 4 year old. £300 would be on the expensive side.

Err it's OPs godchild. Who she loves presumably.

Fair weather birthdays don’t have to cost much at all - took mine to the local playground and took homemade cheese sandwiches, crisps, fruit, snacks, and juice cartons, for both the kids and parents, also pass the parcel type games and a niknak to take home.

If not fair weather, the same could happen at home, or if not enough space would need to pay for a venue.

what present do you want me for my God child to bring to this party...my budget is £10 (put amount in). Ignore anything about the party. Not your issue.

That’s absolutely outrageous!

I tend to do activity parties so they are on the upper end of what my friends spend I think. This year:

child 1: 20 kids £255 for activity plus another £30 for coffees for parents plus expensive cake at £80, food (probs £60 all in) party bags £80 so around £500 all in.

Child 2: 12 kids £270 activity, £90 food, cheaper cake @ £25 and party bags @ £60 so £445 in total.

I can’t imagine how she could possibly get to £3k for a party for a 4yo or how she’s got the nerve to ask you to fund it.

My wedding cost less than half that.

Offer to buy the caterpillar cake.

"She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol"

You mean she will buy a cheap box of wine and keep £2,980 for herself.

Such CF "friends" do not even deserve a truthful answer. Say you have had a sudden religious conversion and alcohol/drunkenness now goes against your principles. Say you will take your god-daughter out separately for afternoon tea in a posh hotel. She will love the experience (feeling all grown-up) and it will not break the bank for you.

I just reserved a hall and bouncy castle for my youngest 7th birthday. £140. I’ll need to buy the cake, balloons and some food but can’t imagine it going beyond £200

Sounds like a piss up party for her and her friends.

What an awful grabby thing to say.

one day you might have kids and you’ll need that money!

Id just bring along a bottle of champagne to the party and bring a gift for the four year old around £20 to £30 and leave it at that. That’s a normal party thing to do…

So she can buy the child a meaningful gift of her own choice perhaps? I don’t think booze is what the girl would have picked if she could have gifts for £3K.

I did a party at the soft play for my DC. It cost £15 per child . Plus a cake £85. Plus party bags £30 and £100 for adult food and drink. I paid around £500 ISH. I thought that was excessive.

Also parents who are responsible for children and driving don't need loads of booze. I provided tea, coffee and hot drinks plus food. A lot of parties don't cater for the adults at all.

Perfect 🙌

It’s madness… I paid £375 for a 5 year olds party. That included soft play plus bouncy castle (2 hours) food, icecream and drink - all for 32 kids. Also that included price of cake and party bags. I honestly am not sure how if even spend that much on a kids party.

"Gosh, that's a lot to spend on a child's party! I'd prefer to buy X a gift from me rather than contribute to a party so I'll do that."

Has she asked for money for other things OP?

You could spend a few hundred quid booking a hall with bouncy castle, buffet, party bags and cake. You could have it at home and spend alot less on decorations, party games, home made buffet and buy a cake. Never have I heard of anyone spending that amount. Just say wow that seems extreme for a childs party, I've no spare cash at the moment.

She needs to spend within her budget.

My kids have been to a couple of parties where parents were offered a glass of champagne to celebrate when collecting.

Had been low key parties at the house with games outside.

The cynic in me is wondering why she wanted you as godmother. Does she think you are a soft touch and she can get you to cough up for things because you don't have children?