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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

1000 replies

parkyn · 05/08/2024 17:30

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

OP posts:
Sennelier1 · 06/08/2024 19:30

How much? I would say absolute max a few hundred? That's if you hold the party at a softplay location, maybe with a bouncy castle? Then.....what? A nice cake, I agree. Streamers and balloons. Partybags. At my DGS party last year there were sandwiches too. How did your "friend" calculated 3 K I wonder?

thestudio · 06/08/2024 19:30

parkyn · 06/08/2024 16:21

Thanks for all the responses. It turns out (as predicted) it was indeed a celebration of her 'return to London' (she lived abroad up until a few months ago) - and happens to coincide with my GC's birthday. It was not really a kid's party (shocker!) as the venue is a very nice restaurant in C London - most of the cost was for the venue/catering. She argued she doesn't need the whole £3k but a contribution - which is still unheard of in my opinion. It's a drinks party held in a nice venue dressed up as a kid's party - only because the fellow Mum friends will be bringing their kids too.

I will of course be buying a gift for my GC (as this is the first birthday where she and I will be in the same city) and provide a cake of her choice. That's it.

I genuinely did not know the cost of of kid's party as I do not have children, but as I said in my OP, I know it is not close to £3k. As I said in my later posts, I thought it would be £600 tops - and maybe £1k if going crazy/all out for some reason.

I once went to a birthday party that seemed on the 'higher end' - but that was only because the family had been through a horrific year - and they totally deserved the celebration they put on. Yes, they paid for it all themselves.

I am disappointed and disheartened at how this unfolded (and the way she went about it). I do think it'll be all for show/social media. I am happy to be there for my GC of course.

I think there's too much on TV/social media showing that parties have to be theses extravagant affairs. I do not drink/have children, so I was totally lost on how many parents get sucked into this stuff. I was comforted to know it was not many judging by the posts on here.

--

Unfortunately, she ended the conversation by lamenting the fact that 'had to work' and carrying on about how she can't provide everything she wants to provide for her child. (She works PT, I work FT). It left a sour taste in my mouth.

But.. she's not providing it for her child - the party is for her, she's admitted it!

Fucking hell she's awful, I'd honestly dump and explain why.

Doubledenim305 · 06/08/2024 19:32

Please don't buy the cake. She's just a user.

Ukrainebaby23 · 06/08/2024 19:36

Hired soft play for 90 minutes £150 for up to 30 kiddos(only 10 arrived but that was fine), plus food and drinks, about £50. Spent little more as bought reusable cups, tablecloths etc. These were 2 Yr olds and no alcohol. 3 weeks ago for reference.

YouMustBeHappyNow · 06/08/2024 19:37

Menstum · 06/08/2024 16:47

Your friends party is all over X now

Oops. Link?

BlueSmurfPantMan · 06/08/2024 19:39

BlueSmurfPantMan · 05/08/2024 17:48

Let me know if you want to contribute

Well you don't want to contribute so you don't need to "let her know" anything.

Her use of the word "contribute" suggests that she is not, in fact, asking you for £3k which is what your title says.

Bloody hell - I'm quoting myself here. Does nobody read anything other than the OP (even when there are literally hundreds of replies and numerous updates by the OP)

This is not a soft play/village hall/back garden party.
It's a meal in a restaurant for the Mum and her mum friends.

It's completely irrelevant how much a 4 year old's party costs. This isn't what is happening

Nobody has asked anyone for £3K. OP was asked if she would like to contribute.

"No" is the answer to this.

and it very much sounds as if OP isn't even invited in the first place

KiteofUncertainty · 06/08/2024 19:41

Haven't read the full thread but this seems like an outrageous demand hint.

greengreyblue · 06/08/2024 19:43

Being godmother does not make you in any way liable for the cost of said child’s birthday party. It’s a mentor/ guidance role. Perhaps your friend needs a word with her own godparent!! Do not contribute, you will set a precedent for a lifetime.

Lollipop81 · 06/08/2024 19:44

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2024 17:46

We're Midlands, for DTwins we've hired a hall, £20 an hour. Plus a bouncy castle, £20 and electricity, £20. Free disco else I'd have used my phone. Food will be home made sandwiches, pizza, snacks. Decorations brought in sale, about £20. Drinks for kids, cordial. That's it. No one needs to be pissed at my kids party

Show quote history

Where did you get a bouncy castle for that price? I’m midlands based too and cheapest I can find is £70 for my kids party at home. Recommendation welcome please 😊

Cm19841 · 06/08/2024 19:44

Are you not seriously questioning your friendship with this person? Baffling entitlement from them. Unless you have previously financially supported them?

greengreyblue · 06/08/2024 19:45

Parties cost as much as you want them to cost. A simple one at home with a cake, bits of party food foe the children and some simple games shouldn’t cost more than £100 and I’m being generous. Nobody need to cater for parents or spend large amounts. In the summer you can meet at the park for a picnic and bring a cake! Simple is always best.

Calliopespa · 06/08/2024 19:47

Poddledoddle · 06/08/2024 17:46

Your title is misleading. Doesn't sound like she's asking you for 3k

Well not all of it … but it’s a contribution to a £3k party. People throwing parties at that level need to be able to afford it themselves. It’s not like it was a pair of reading glasses …

Mojinka · 06/08/2024 19:47

This must be a wind up, right?

Scentedjasmin · 06/08/2024 19:49

For a 4 year old who has not started school, then a birthday party consists of a small tea party with homemade or supermarket cake at home. If they have started school and are having a whole class party, then it's usually at a community centre (cost hire around £100), cake around £50-60, party bags (£60) and an entertainer/disco for around £200, food around £50, paper plates/decorations (£30). You could be talking up to £500. I've personally never spent that much though as never paid for an entertainer and made the cake myself.

greengreyblue · 06/08/2024 19:49

Bouncy castle is a huge expense and not needed. I did simple things like a treasure hunt ( hide pasta shapes- I sprayed them gold cos I had a can - and reward with a smartie for each one found. This was always a major success for 20- 30 mins, pin tale in donkey, musical games, sleeping lions etc, then sit down for food, cake and singing , playing then it’s over- 2 hrs tops.

Sleepydoor · 06/08/2024 19:50

@parkyn I would not be surprised if you eventually have to end this friendship. This sounds like a friend I had and eventually it's not the money so much as the manipulation that becomes unbearable.

WorriedMama12 · 06/08/2024 19:52

"If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story."

If there are money struggles then she needs to cut her cloth accordingly.

I can't believe the....I can't even think of a word for the cheek of it! Please don't let yourself get pushed over, don't pay for a penny of it!

LIZS · 06/08/2024 19:54

A party with activity like softplay is around £20 per head. How many kids and mummies? No way would it be £3k.

Elly46 · 06/08/2024 19:54

Unbelievable that she hinted to you for a contribution. Don’t give a penny. Children’s parties cost a fraction of this. Let her pay for her own champagne

croydon15 · 06/08/2024 19:55

Totally in agreement with other people, a 4 year birthday party would either be in soft play or a bouncy castle not in a posh restaurant. Is the birthday for the child or piss up for the mother? Get your little goddaughter a nice doll, art work, whatever she likes and tell the CF to get lost.

AllyArty · 06/08/2024 19:57

That’s appalling of her.
Has it not occurred to her that most mums will not want alcohol at a young child’s party-some are driving, some have other children to consider (pick ups, drop offs etc). Sounds to me that she is desperate to befriend these women and for you to pay the bill.

IMO not a true friend.

Humtum · 06/08/2024 19:58

Morally, I wouldn't be okay supporting the cost of this - especially for parents.
Childrens decorations / goody bags / food etc. then maybe.

I have the occasional drink but I wouldn't be supplying people with alcohol in the knowledge that it's essential a poison linked to multiple caners. I sound like a party pooper, but maybe avoiding drink (or have a BYOB) might be advice to help your friend budget. It's still spending above your means if you are asking others to contribute -

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Fifferfefferfeff · 06/08/2024 20:01

That's hilarious. We had a 4th birthday party for DC. It cost £400 for venue hire, food, drinks (including prosecco), bubbles, balloons, gifts, cake, etc., for 40 guests.

Teasloth · 06/08/2024 20:01

I'd literally laugh in her face. Doesn't even warrant a serious answer back to her

PotatoLove · 06/08/2024 20:03

Wow, what a piss taker. No way does a 4 year old's party cost that much, sounds like it's not even for the child in mind, more so for her to show off her expensive tastes. Don't contribute to her nonsense.

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