Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Out of curiosity, how much does a 4 year old's party cost? I truly have no idea.

Well it would usually be a handful of children - adults wouldn't usually be offered much more than tea/coffee and some cake.

At that age we did things like take a group bowling or soft play - so around £100-150 max. That would include party bags.

Don't feel like you need to contribute. As godmother you might get something for the child like something to wear or a nice book or toy?

I will of course be buying a gift for my GC (as this is the first birthday where she and I will be in the same city) and provide a cake of her choice. That's it. @parkyn

Buy your god daughter a present but not the cake. Her mum will send you cakes that will cost £££

I definitely agree with previous posters; give her a budget for the cake for her child or she's going to take the piss with some 3 tiered wedding cake that costs hundreds.

Just for some additional context, I had a milestone birthday party a couple of years back & for the venue hire (quite a nice hotel), food (just under 100 guests), DJ, decor and an open bar for a good portion of the night, that was about the same cost as your "friend" is proposing to spend on a party ostensibly for a 4 year old. Who most likely won't even give a toss how good the restaurant is and DEFINITELY won't care how good the booze is!

When my kids were that age, we (and most other school parents) hired either the local leisure centre hall with bouncy castle and go karts included, or the small pool, for about £80, made our own party bags or sweet cones and took a tray bake or supermarket cupcakes, and let them run around for an hour. No more than around £100 altogether.

If someone was a bit flush, they might hire the local trampoline place instead. We booked a soft play place for a couple of hours once and that was around £250 including party food, then the cost of homemade sweet cones and a supermarket cake.

At no point did anyone offer or expect booze for the parents.

After the party we might ask immediate family and close friends who also had young children (plus grandparents) back to ours for a brew and a slice of the proper birthday cake.

It's her kid's party, she can pay for it. Whether it's 3, 300, 3000, it's not your problem. I've had friends in the past ask me to give money for their kid's parties, as if I wanted to go to a kid's bday party in the first place, and I just told them no. You may not have a friend afterwards but she's clearly only using you for money anyway so prob not a huge loss.

Buy your god daughter a present but not the cake. Her mum will send you cakes that will cost £££

I don't think you should contribute to this party - just get a gift for god daughter. I suspect she may fall out with you over it.

Wow.

I did a a bowling party which was expensive at £350. Even if I had bought every adult there a bottle of Vodka and 2l of coke to get shit faced on ( what says let's get hammered more than a todflers party right? 😅😅) it would have cost under 1k.

Tell her shots will get those parents pissed faster so how about shots before taking the toddlers to spoons for their birthday bash. I'd love to belive this is true. Bottomless brunch anyone? It's very NCT isn't it?

Aged 4, my DD's birthday party involved a few friends from nursery playing in the garden, watching a Disney film and a home made party tea

That's all you need at that age. I doubt it cost more than £25

⬆️this

I wonder if the mum is called Hyacinth Bucket? She'll be hosting Candelit Suppers for the kid's playdates next

Fucking hell! My wedding was only £3.5k! She’s taking the piss. My son has only ever had one big birthday party and that was only £270 all in for 20 kids.

Most 4 year old parties I've taken my child to are at a soft play centre. We paid around £250 including cake and party bags.

say you'll chip in for the cake.

Unfortunately, she ended the conversation by lamenting the fact that 'had to work' and carrying on about how she can't provide everything she wants to provide for her child. (She works PT, I work FT).

OP well done for sticking to your guns the simple response is that children want love and a bit of cake not a 3k champagne reception!
It's good to stick to your guns on this as soon it will be requests to contribute to school fees or trips away etc etc.

Sounds like your friend needs to reel in reality and live in her means like the majority of us do!

I also don't fall for the suckered into social media pressure nonsense. Its pretty obvious social media is not real life and those that have ridiculous extravagant parties are either wealthy enough to afford it or are frankly pretty stupid for "trying to keep up with the Jones's"

That is nuts and beyond rude. As a GM you would probably want to buy the child a nice present and maybe treat her to something lovely if you want to go the extra mile. Paying for a 3k party is way out of your remit. Personally the most I'd spend as a parent would be the cost of an activity (magician, model-making activity etc) if you don't want to organise games yourself plus food, cake and party bags for the children so yes a few hundred quid max.

We spent £1000 on a 4 year old’s birthday party but this is probably more than average. This included children’s entertainer, hall hire, food and booze for parents, food and drink for kids, balloon arches, other decorations, two huge cakes, party bags for 40 kids etc

Ive been to several 4th birthday parties. Most don’t even serve a soft drink or food for adults let alone champagne . Usually instant coffee or tea in a mug at the local hall.

four year olds like cake, squash, bouncy castle, magicians, pass the parcel, cake and haribo. Not fancy restaurants

This is a party for her…if she can’t afford it, she should rethink

WTF! I spent £500 on a big first birthday party and I thought that was excessive! £3k is insane!!

I know I’m just repeating everyone else but that’s CRAZY! If you wanted to spend that amount of money on your god daughter, wait a couple of years then take her on an awesome holiday that will give her brilliant memories and experiences. Don’t spend it to let your pal get drunk on expensive plonk with her mum friends whilst the 4 year olds get ignored.

Poor Kid.

The average 4 year old just wants to jump on a bouncy castle with their friends, dance around with balloons, play crazy games and eat jelly and ice-cream.

A restaurant would be the dullest birthday ever to a 4 year old.

This is ridiculous. A kids party, if going to a soft play, can cost about £200-£300. Depending on how many kids going, if food is included, and a cake.
If they are going to your house, you need things to entertain the kids, some snacks for them, and drinks. Costing maybe £200 max. If parents want to drink, they should bring their own. Or get a few bottles of things and ask others to bring their own also.
I would love to know how shes managed to spend 3k for a 4 year olds party.
If she wants money, id say give her like £50, and thats it.
Is she asking the other parents for money to contribute? What about the kids father?

My sons 4 year party cost about £150 for room hire and entertainment and then did cheap food and drinks, just tea and coffee for parents

What an entitled CF! Kids' parties cost as much as you want them to and no way do you expect anyone else to pay.

@parkyn no, even a bottomless brunch would be £45 per head. A kids’ party activity? Nothing like that. She obviously thinks she can pull the wool over your eyes but regardless - just no. Not even if she does have money problems - just spend less.

Buy a couple of bottles of Prosecco and drop them off. Then say I thought this would be a good start for you.