Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

So remind your friend she chose to have a child. If she did not spend 3k on a fancy celebration she will have so much more money for her child. And she can choose to work full-time, as many people do despite childcare costs.

@parkyn I'd buy the child something personalised so she can't just sell it.

Unfortunately, your "friend" is very grabby and entitled. Now she's in London I think you'll find that she tries to tap you for money regularly because she feels you can afford it. I think you are going to have to have excellent and very clear boundaries. You are not a cash point or their to fund other people's, frivolous, lifestyle.

She's being massively greedy and is a total chancer! I've know people spend less than that recently on their weddings.

This party is clearly being planned for gge Mums BOT the 4 year old! Poor child!

Put some money in a savings account (a small sum) for your god-daughter -
that’s your ‘contribution’. You earn your own money and just cos you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you have to subsidise cheeky f@@@ers

I suspected she was out to impress her friends with how posh she is. The thought of a group of 4 year olds in an expensive restaurant makes me feel queasy!

3k is insane. We had a party Sunday for our 2 yo twins. Spent £100 on food £30 on booze £30 on decorations and £25 on cake. She’s taking the piss!

Park that “friend”.

I would contribute by taking some alcohol including some mixers.
That is plenty and a useful provision to the mums party group. I am sure they will appreciate your contribution even if your friend does not

Ur might be CF (child free) but she is the CF.
Absolutely ridiculous.
I definitely would not want that sort of person as a 'friend'.

Any traybakes?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/3527870-Which-is-the-tastiest-Protestant-traybake

She's mad, don't do it

Wow. She wants to impress the class Mum’s. I wouldn’t be surprised if she asked you to contribute and then didn’t invite you as you’re child free.

Beware OP, this thread has got ‘picked up by the Mirror’ written all over it…

Hmmm I hope you gave her a budget for the cake. You were very generous to offer that. She's a Cheeky Fucker.

My nephew's 4th birthday party was a BBQ/pizza party and a bouncy castle.
DH and I bought him a nice gift, DH made homemade pizzas and I did a load of sandwiches and cocktail sticks.
We had some wine for the adults as well. I'd say the whole day cosy maybe £300-£400 max.

We usually spend around £400 per child on a party and that’s generous! That throws a good party catered to the actual child not buying alcohol (which I strongly think doesn’t belong anywhere near a child’s party anyway how gauche!)

How well does she know these mums if she is only back months.
She sounds like someone I would be stepping back from or at the very least strengthening boundaries with.

Put a £100 limit on that cake or you will likely be stung.

She can fuck off.

How much booze does she want and a 4 year olds party? Seems a bit unsafe!

my kids are older teens now but remember doing a soft play party for 4th birthdays. Back then it cost about £70 for the party which included food. I probably spent another £20 on party bag stuff and ingredients to make the cake. It would almost certainly be more now, but not £3k!

She says she can not provide for her child then I would explain she should not spend what she can not afford, especially for a one year old who would not know any difference. I would also explain to her she is not holding a party for her daughter but for herself!! OMG! A first birthday party in a restaurant with people drinking champagne is not the photos you want to look back on in years to come, you want soft play with other children of the same age playing!

Why do I sense there is a hidden agenda I wonder if it will turn out to be like a joint party is get birthday coming up!? A child party is fries pizza ice-cream sandwich ls off the parcel jumping castle(highest expenditure) I'd say£400 butttt nevertheless not for you to cover at all!!! She wants to throw a party she can use her own money.... How sad she's not fussed over the the cake the theme the decoration.. the usual stuff!!!I just to do big invites for my kids being more about the family getting invited.. IV changed it now no family/in-laws only their friends (&1 of their fave aunts 🤫... When I say no family I meant literally everyone related to my in-laws

Unfortunately, she ended the conversation by lamenting the fact that 'had to work' and carrying on about how she can't provide everything she wants to provide for her child. (She works PT, I work FT). It left a sour taste in my mouth.

I would be telling her to jog on after a comment like that. She CHOSE to have a child and CHOSE to go PT. That doesn’t mean that everyone else is there to pay for her lifestyle

The max I would be doing is buying a present for your GC as that’s a gift directly to them. But nothing else. No cake. No champagne and would also start stepping back as otherwise she will continue to see you as an ATM. What a CF (and I don’t mean child free!)

"If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story."

If there's money struggles she definitely shouldn't be throwing a huge party for a 4 year old.

I didn't even spend £300 on any of my kids parties, not even 'milestone' birthdays. She's being completely ridiculous

That’s far too much money for any child’s birthday party whatever age. But also I find it mad that anyone would ever ask friends to contribute towards a child's party, let alone to put towards expensive alcohol that won’t give hangovers…
I don’t think that you should be giving any money towards the party, maybe offer to bring along some cupcakes for the kids? Then get the child a present as you would normally. Hope that helps!