Friend 'asking' for £3k for 4th birthday party for her DD.

[parkyn]

I'm Godmother to my friend's child. The child turns 4 at the end of August. I'm CF (child-free) and earn a fair bit more than she does. Also, her income is a PT one due to her childcare commitments whereas I work FT. I live alone and yes, you could argue my life is 'simpler' than hers - but my outgoings aren't next to nothing.

She is planning a birthday party for her daughter and has somehow costed it to be around £3k. But a large part of that amount is apparently going towards alcohol as she's inviting her fellow Mum friends (obviously they would be there too). Her justification was that she was 'not going to serve guests crap booze' as it would give them a 'bad hangover'. She is also wanting to buy lots of 'champagne instead of prosecco' etc... but no mention of the cake for the child (yet) etc...

She said: 'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

It's beyond awkward - and me being CF, I have no idea how much a child's birthday party costs - but I can't imagine every parent dropping £3k a year per child per birthday party. AIBU to think this is excessive?

If there are money struggles that I don't know about - that she's not mentioned - then that's another story.

Spending that amount of money is totaly insane!! Especially when it's not even affordable to her and she has to ask for contributions to accommodate this madness

@parkyn Is your friend Amanda from Motherland?

Absolutely no need for this whatsoever.

The best party for a 4 year old is a small tea party for a select group of friends at home, lasting no more than 1 1/2 hours (otherwise they get over tired/over excited/over stimulated), easy games cheap games like sleeping lions, pin the tail on the donkey (or variations on this theme), musical statues, pass the parcel and maybe a not too messy craft session etc. Cost under £100 for nice child/toddler friendly food and a couple of bottles of Prosecco for a handful of mums (if she must). Although whats wrong with tea or coffee?

Please just get the child a card and nice present and refuse to engage re a contribution re this party or any future parties (as these could get more and more lavish each year).

Offer to buy some party food and that's it

I think a play centre is around 150 -200 where we live with food included.

I have never spent more than £250 on a birthday party.

My first question would be while all the mummies are drinking who's watching the 4yr olds
then I assume all would be walking ( drink driving ect) then a kids party on average at a soft play for eg would be around £10 per child including food and maybe a jug or 2 of water/ squash also being August even if you invite the whole class (30ish kids) not everyone will come
a party for a 4 yr old shouldn’t imo be about the adults drinking it’s about your child

hope that helps

I'm happily child free, if I wanted to pay for children's birthday parties I would have children.

3 fucking grand to get your friend's friends pissed on champagne? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You should have just laughed in her face.

This would be the thin end of a mighty wedge and I do mean wedge.

CF (cheeky fucker)

She does need a taxi fund.

I thought we were being extravagant when my son’s 5th birthday party cost us ~£800.

We had 25 children and around 45 adults attending, it was over teatime so we put on a proper hot meal for all the adults (including a vegan option), and a proper spread for all the children. We don’t drink so there was no alcohol, but tonnes of pop and such. It was a good old fashioned church hall party, with musical statues and pass the parcel.

I can see how a party could cost that much if you’re trying to give a very aesthetic, social media friendly, party, and if she’s choosing to do that, she needs to fund that herself. It is not your responsibility to pay, regardless of what title she’s foisted onto you.

If she can’t afford champagne, I guess her guests will have to put up with Prosecco, hangovers be damned 😆

Parties for that age cost around £300 all in. Room hire, entertainer, food and drink (for kids!), decorations and party bags.

£3k is taking the absolute piss. Since when do god parents fund parties?!

She's asking you for at least 10 times the cost of a decent party for kids

Outrageous! It would be ridiculous for a party even if it was an 18th or 21st in fact my wedding including accomodation hotel meal and wine didn't cost 3k Tell her she's being ridiculous and has champagne tastes with sparkling water income and paying for any of it isn't part of being a Godparent If she's spending like that it's going to have to be her own money ! She's an utter CF(of the other sort,)

This seems to indicate that you are being used. Alcohol at a children’s party is by no means a given and is not always seen as appropriate. Look out for yourself here

absolutely insane and also inappropriate to plan on getting drunk in the presence of loads of 3 year olds who require supervision. She can have a party at £300 and buy a couple of bottles of champagne to serve. I would not contribute a penny if I were you.

Please please don’t! Before hubby and I had children, we were handed titles of parents for this very reason! Everyone assumed we won’t have kids of our own so we were asked to shell out for all sorts! We have since set a budget per kid for birthdays and Christmas. I adore our godchildren but £3k I won’t drop for a party - or for my own kids for that matter

I’d say I do fairly lavish kids parties. Venue, face painter or princess type entertainment, bouncy castles, lots of stuff to play with and decent party bags but for 30 kids I’m talking £500 max. I even do a parents soft drink and snacks table but other than that it’s for THE KIDS!!!!
Your friend is using it to impress her new mum group. Ain’t your job tho - tell her to jog on!

My daughter’s party cost about £450 all in. No parent expects loads of posh booze at a party. I’ve been offered a glass of Prosecco once which was a nice gesture but was driving so couldn’t

It's quite depressing @parkyn that your so called friend seems to have picked you as GM, not for you being a good influence on her DC, not for your kindness, but because you're child free so will be a useful financial asset for them both. I think of myself as quite cynical but I'm not nearly as cynical as your user friend. I think you should be very busy for while, far too busy to see her.

😂 I would laugh and tell they're crazy.

I would not contribute a penny 🤷‍♀️

My dds 4th bday party cost about £50, it was a village hall, party games and home made sandwiches- she had a brilliant time.

Tell her in the simplist way no you refuse to contribute to a child's birthday party for adults to get pissed furthermore your not her private bank and quite frankly whether you have children or not your income is your hard earned money and no friend in the world would ask for any sort of contribution sounds to me like she's using you and is actually expecting something.....My advice make haste and bail

Wow! Just wow. £3k for party her child won't remember in 6 months time. This isn't a parent she's a parasite

It is not your job as Godparent to pay for excess.

A simple birthday party with a few guests should be under £100!

And you buy the kid a gift and turn up.

I did a few parties for mine-they were probably about £150 tops.

'All I need is £3k... you're so lucky that you don't have to worry about money. Let me know if you want to contribute!'

I’d say…No, thank you! People I know with young kids usually spend less than £200-why don’t you do that?!

Don’t give her a penny! A child’s birthday party aged 4 costs about £100-£200 if you have it at home (bearing in mind we don’t do balloons or decorations and live on a farm so entertainment is home-made treasure hunts, jumping on the trampoline, fishing in the lake, and making dens with straw bales). So that cost is party food, and I usually do a big lasagne / curry / chilli for any grown ups that choose to stay - drinks are squash or cups of tea! When we’ve hired a hall and entertainer once in the past, it cost a maximum of £500 for everything, and that was a one-off party for the whole class and out of school friends plus parents.